Blending a single mom with two and a single dad with 4 ?
By moore2dust
@moore2dust (17)
United States
May 7, 2009 12:55pm CST
I have been dating a man with four children. Starting in age from 10 months to 11 years. My two children are 23 and 16. I thought I was done. At first I didn't even know how to respond to the baby, but when I held him, all my mothering came back instantly. I spent recent years thinking how I was finally almost done (I have been a mom since 16) and it was time in life for me. Then him and his crew came into my life and I realize I was born to be a mom. I'm great at it! But we are still only dating. I am ready to blend this large group together. Is it wrong to be getting attached to his kids as if they were my own before we do? What if something goes wrong and the kids and I are attached? Any ideas?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
7 May 09
Yes and no. I've seen relationships start where a person got attached to his children and then they split up. The child was devistated. This little girl was 2 and becamse very attached to my friend. She tried to make it work for the sake of the little girl, but the guy was just too much. Too much drama. It killed her and she had a hard time separating from this little girl.
Now almost 2 years later she still thinks of the girl, but she knows that keeping on contact with her would be wrong because it would confuse this little girl.
That's a bad example of what could go wrong, but I also have a blended family. Your's, mine and our's. It isn't easy and isn't something you should jump in to.
I would ask how long have you been seeing him? Are we talking a year or just a few months? If it's only been a few months then it is too early to get attached. Honestly, my children didn't even met the man I was dating until I was sure this was what I wanted. It took about a year.
There is a big question here too. Are you getting attached to his children and that is what you're basing your relationship on? You have to have a relationship with him first, then work in the children. Not the other way around. Like in the above case, he was just looking for someone to raise his daughter. She got attached to the little girl and was blinded by the character faults of the father.
Not saying this is what is happening to you, but from one mom to another, you have to know what you are basing your relationship on. I feel I was born to be a mom too. Love children but I know I can't pretend that everything is okay or be attached to a man when it's really the children that i've fallen in love with.
Don't mean to seem harsh here and sorry if I do, just being real.
@moore2dust (17)
• United States
7 May 09
I think it is hard to place everything into a site like this, so in a nutshell, yes it's only been months. Yes, we both believe in the joke that "fate" had a hand in us running into each other. We have no issues between us other than he wants more kids and I can't. We have agreed on adoption if we get that far. I was in a relationship for 5 years and helped raise 2 boys. My son and his son are still great friends. I think you are very honest and not harsh. I really have fallen "in like" with this guy and every day we spend together makes things even closer. He feels the same way. We have the same parenting beliefs and I think that is a great thing. When we take all the younger ones somewhere, we switch back and forth (ei. when loading, I will help the 3 year old, he puts baby in car seat. Next stop I put baby in car seat and he helps three year old) so we are already working as a team. Mine are too old for him to really bond with, but they respect him and like him. I am not basing my relationship on my like of his kids, but it helps that they are adorable. lol. With or without kids, we both are happy with each other. I am sorry that your friend had to experience that. She was lucky to get out when she did.
@luvandpower (2048)
• United States
7 May 09
I don't see anything wrong with getting attached, if the baby has no mother then someone has to be the mother anyway. Even if something happens, what is going to be the result a big fight , you break up? Doesn't mean you can't be friends.
@moore2dust (17)
• United States
7 May 09
My goal is always friends when something goes wrong. That's a positive light to be looking..
