How do you feel after you quarrel with your mum
@liuyannecessary (30)
China
May 7, 2009 10:27pm CST
Last night, there was an unfriendly talk between my mum and I.
At last, we quarreled with each other and we couldn't come into an end.
The details are as follows:
I've worked far from home for nearly 4 years. I'm a woman and single.
My parents, especially my mum want me to marry soon. Her reason is:
she would like to have a grandson and wish I to live a peaceful life.
She doesn't want me to stay at home, but work regularly, the point is:
as I'm going elder and elder, she is afraid I won't find a satisfactory
man to live with as time goes on.
For me, I care what she cares and know what I should do. I have some blind
date with some guys and the result turns out I'm not so satisfied with them.
So now I'm waiting. Several months ago, my aunt introduced one guy from another city to me. He is a software engineer and it is said that he earns
lots money. We communicated with each other in short message. Unfortunately, this guy doesn't leave a special impression on me. My idea
is just let time go. If as we talk more and more, we begin to like each other.
Next, we may become lovers. If we don't have interest with each other, it is OK, we can just pass by friendly.
But my mum doesn't think so. She wants me to marry this guy as soon as possible. She doesn't care how I feel about the whole process. We had
several disputes ago and that one of yesterday is the worst of all.
But I still stick to what I think. If I cann't find one satisfactory guy,
it is just what I deserves. It is also what my mum seared on me.
Sorry, I feel very sad now.
2 people like this
12 responses
@daliaj (5674)
• India
8 May 09
I can understand you and your mom because I had gone through the same situation. My mom wanted me to get married soon, but I didn't want to marry somebody whom I really didn't like only for the reason that they have good job or they are rich. So, my mom was also irritated and complained to me that I am very selective.
Parents always see how rich the guy is and don't care whether he looks ugly or fat, but we can't blame them also. They love us and they want us to be settled. It makes them sad when all the relatives and friends ask them 'When is your daughter getting married?'Thank god, I found the guy of my dreams a few months ago and got married.
I wish and pray that you will find the guy of our choice soon.
@liuyannecessary (30)
• China
8 May 09
Dear daliaj,
Thank you for your quick response!
It's so kind of you to find a satisfactory man to live with.
I wish to have one in the near future. Bless me!
@tabsnlos (587)
• United States
8 May 09
Awww... I am sorry to hear that! I have to say I think you are doing the right thing by looking for a guy that you will be happy with and truley love. Don't waste your time with someone if it doesn't feel right and if its only to please a parent. You will find someone when you are ready. I am sure you and your mom will work things out. Im sure she means well, but your happiness comes first.
@liuyannecessary (30)
• China
8 May 09
Thank you for your quick response!
There is a misunderstanding between my mum and me.
I don't want to call back home next weeks.
Because if I do so, my mum will think she is correct and talk
too much as usually.
I think as a daughter, I do what I should. But why cann't
she give me some time? Maybe I'll regret some day for not
hearing what she says. But she shouldn't have any disbelief
on me.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
9 May 09
Talk to your mom, It's Mother's Day, dear. Moms are only like that, they are insisting of what they think are right but after hearing your explanation, though they don't show it, they understand. They may continue nagging and getting mad but when they feel they hurt their children they also ended up regretting. Don't be sad and don't take it seriously, misunderstanding between moms and daughters just pass away. Just think she cares and loves you and you do the same, forget you have a quarrel, just remember you're so lucky to have your mom around. They're not getting any younger.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
11 May 09
That's so nice to hear...Mother's can wait, me I it's alright if my daughter will marry later, the more I love her to be at my side always. Other moms however wants to see their children settled down before they get old. That's fine, they just want maybe to see everyone in good hands in order for them to be at peace. I admire you and happy for calling your mom on Mothers's Day, for sure she appreciated it.God bless...
@liuyannecessary (30)
• China
11 May 09
Hi bing28,
I called back home on Mother's Day.
It seems that she could understand me now and
our relationship had recovered. Good news!
But now still I feel I own my mum something because
I don't want to have a boyfriend to marry until I find a satisfactory one.
And this may be a long process. :)
@cindyhxf (1446)
• China
9 May 09
HI,Liuyan ,firstly,i sugguest you should understand your mom 's feeling.i am chinese i understand your situation much.i also know what your mom worried about.anyway,what your mom thought just want you to be good .i am sure you couldn't understand this point when you quarrreled with her. actually if i were you i also think it is good to take much more time to know of this guy and not hurry to go for marriage.just tell your mom so many people divorced cause the didnt know well each other before marriage.good luck to you
@zzyw87 (1254)
• Philippines
9 May 09
We really cannot avoid having disagreements or quarrels with our parents. I also had one or two disagreements with my mom a few years back. I always tolerated my mom when she is mad at me but it all came to a boiling point that time. So I answered and shouted back and that was when the quarrel started. During the heated moments of the quarrel, I was so angry and wished I don't see my mom anymore. But after the quarrel when I had time to cool off already, I felt guilty even if it was not my fault. I tried to make peace with her by initiating the first move. After that, our peaceful relationship came back.
@sarkar1 (336)
• India
8 May 09
Hmm, quiet interesting, a similar situation is happening in my family now. My didi(elder sister) is a software engineer in a reputed MNC. My aunt(her mom) and my mom want her to get married since she is settled now. Like you, she wants some time, she is not ready for marriage. A lot of arguments happen among them.
Ofcourse, being the youngest brother nobody listens to me! In fact I have been grounded for supporting her.
If I take an empathetic view of the situation, I cannot deny that my elders have a got of point. They feel that she is purposely avoiding marriage she is not attempting to accept the situation. is she, or are you???????????
@smooch091784 (973)
• Philippines
8 May 09
Normally after having a fight with my mom, it makes me feel really upset, but later on when I cool down, even sometimes the fight is the fault of my mom, I would feel guilty.. When me and my usually have a big fight, we shout and yell at each other and would always never give up.. Nobody's listening and has all pure explanation and nagging.. You know bursting all that anger, but after all that, I'd realize at the end, I did something I shouldn't be doing, and makes me feel all guilty.. Still have the pride in me and barely say apology to my mom.. I don't know, I think my mom, have brought me up for not being too sweet to her and to my dad.. But yea, every parent don't deserve being shouted by their kids, even it's their fault of the argument.. It's just not really right..
@PinkyPosh (226)
• Canada
8 May 09
Most of the moms are like that and it is not their fault.
And about your situation, yea... I can understand that..
Even I was working for around five years away from home, not interested in marriage.
It was for few reasons like,
I will not have a independent life,
I may not end up with the person who has similar characteristics of mine,
I need to compromise a lot which I felt was the last thing I could do...
But later I was somhow convinced and was married to a guy who has almost 50% of the characteristics a=completely different from that of mine..
But still I enjoy this life... It is really nice...
Finally when you end up with one person who is all in your life... things are changed..
I started liking this dependancy as well.
Some characteristics that will not impress me also have started vanishing.
And few compromises are good and healthy.
Also, what your mom says is right. As the days go... your expectation list will increase and you will not be impressed by anyone.
So, do not delay nad be ipen to accept few things in life as it comes.
@prinzcy (32305)
• Malaysia
8 May 09
It is so sad to hear your story. Your mom has good intention though it's a wrong to force you. I hope things will patch up between you guys soon. I usually feel sad and guilty if I have a fight with my mother. No matter what the reason is, it's wrong for me to raise my voice against her. It feel awkward to apologize later on too.
Mother's Day is arriving soon. Why don't you do something to apologize to her.
@moretechgadgets (32)
• United States
8 May 09
It's too bad that your mom feels that you should marry this person without being concerned if he is the right person for you or not just for the sake of having a grandchild. I feel that if you are content with your life the way it is and don't feel the need to have someone else in it, then that is perfectly fine. Not everyone's perception of happiness is the same. Heck, you could get marry to anyone and then be miserable. Just give your parents all the respect they deserve, I am sure they only want what they think is best for you. Try to talk to them and make them understand that you are happy with your life the way it is & to think about what would happen if rushed into a marriage, had a child & it didn't work out? Marriage should never be forced on anyone, it's a huge step/decision in life. If the arguments continue, try to change the subject right away.
@VanessaRochea (36)
• United States
8 May 09
I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad discussion with your mom especially this close to Mother's Day. However, you have to do what is best for you. Things happen for a reason. when it is meant to be, it will be.
