Am I wrong?
By Seppy1984
@Seppy1984 (2145)
United States
May 8, 2009 11:12pm CST
Well this is going to be a somewhat long discussion. From the beginning, I have this cousin who is married and yet they have a open relationship. I am not the type to judge but to me when anyone has a open relationship it sounds like to me that they are not happy with who they are with or they were not ready to get married. Well this cousin of mine is really out of control my opinion. She one night was at the bar the night that my hubby was suppose to go out with the guys up the street from the bar that my cousin and her sister and friend was at. She then said in a flirting like voice that if he got bored with the guys that he could go to where they were at and that they would keep him occupied. Well the thing is that she has done and tried just about everything to get my hubby to go with her.
The thing is that he has told her that he is happy with me and that if she don't like it then tough sh*t. Well the thing is that we are suppose to go to her friends boy's birthday party coming up. Well we are going to go and so is my cousin. So when we were at her place she asked me if there is going to be drama at her son's birthday party between my cousin and I. I told her honestly it was up to my cousin. She said Oh ok, she said cause I want you and your husband and children here and I also want her here. I told her that if my cousin starts up then we will leave and she seemed very upset because I said that. To me I feel like as if everyone thinks that I am the cause of the problem just because my hubby and I will fight to keep people from getting in the middle of our marriage. 
Was I wrong for being honest? I mean just for once I want them to know that it's not me causing the problem. I just hope that I handle the problem like an adult. I'm not sure what more I can do to get my cousin to realize that my hubby does not want her. If there is anyone that could give me some ideas that would be great. Matter of fact my hubby and I are thinking about moving out of town where we live just to get away from the problem. I hate do it too cause then that means that we are also taking our children away from their grandparents. Any help is very much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Happy Mylotting
The thing is that he has told her that he is happy with me and that if she don't like it then tough sh*t. Well the thing is that we are suppose to go to her friends boy's birthday party coming up. Well we are going to go and so is my cousin. So when we were at her place she asked me if there is going to be drama at her son's birthday party between my cousin and I. I told her honestly it was up to my cousin. She said Oh ok, she said cause I want you and your husband and children here and I also want her here. I told her that if my cousin starts up then we will leave and she seemed very upset because I said that. To me I feel like as if everyone thinks that I am the cause of the problem just because my hubby and I will fight to keep people from getting in the middle of our marriage. Was I wrong for being honest? I mean just for once I want them to know that it's not me causing the problem. I just hope that I handle the problem like an adult. I'm not sure what more I can do to get my cousin to realize that my hubby does not want her. If there is anyone that could give me some ideas that would be great. Matter of fact my hubby and I are thinking about moving out of town where we live just to get away from the problem. I hate do it too cause then that means that we are also taking our children away from their grandparents. Any help is very much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Happy Mylotting2 people like this
8 responses
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
9 May 09
Some facts that I took from your post. A...your cousin is a sl*t. B...your husband put her in her place. Instead of letting her upset the two of you, treat her as a non-person when you're forced to be at the same event with her. Look at her as if you are the queen (and you are...you're your husband's queen) and she is a filthy begger. Be distant but not obviously unfriendly. Be above her. She can try all she likes but it's not up to you to convince her that your husband is off limits, it's up to him and it sounds to me like he's doing a fine job! So, destress about the party. She tried, she lost, you won. And you win every day. So, kiss your man and walk proudly into that party with him with a big smile on your face.
1 person likes this
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
9 May 09
That is such great advice.
I am going to do just that. Plus you are right I am the queen and she is not when it comes to my hubby. I never thought of it that way until I read your comment. You helped me alot on what to do when it comes to the party. Thanks for your very much brilliant idea.
Happy Mylotting
I am going to do just that. Plus you are right I am the queen and she is not when it comes to my hubby. I never thought of it that way until I read your comment. You helped me alot on what to do when it comes to the party. Thanks for your very much brilliant idea.
Happy Mylotting
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
9 May 09
Well, it sounds to me like your cousin is trying to start trouble. That shouldn't run you away from your family. Obviously, your husband has no interest in her little games. You might want to confront her about boundries. That is your husband and you have every right to tell her to back off. If she can't handle it, then perhaps the next time you there is a family gathering and your parents are going to be there, and she will too, tell your folks you need to decline due to your cousin's prior behavior. Most likely your folks will want to know what the problem is, and at that point, I would let them know. My bet is that your mom or dad will say something to her mom or dad, and she'll get put in her place and won't be invited to further family gatherings.
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
9 May 09
The thing is that I have tried to put her in her place and she comes back to saying that I am in the wrong for feeling like that. As for her parents knowing whats going, is out of the question because her parents are no longer together and her mom acts the same way. They both sl*t around, or so that is how I see it. Would you have any other ideas that might be able to help me to get her to realize that she needs to back off. Thanks in advance
Happy Mylotting
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
9 May 09
Well I thought about punching her in the face but I of course is not a violent person and never have been. I seem to think that everything will work out for me in the end. Well I guess we will see what happens. I will make sure that I will do a part2 to this discussion.
Happy Mylotting
@commanderxo (1494)
• Canada
9 May 09
No, you're not wrong for think that way, nor is your husband.
You two should be very proud of the marriage that you have.
But DON'T ever feel guilty for you feelings...and DON'T let the foolishness of others, dictate how you'll respond, or determine your decisions. Stay where you are. Let your kids see their grandparents. Remember...YOU are the result of you, and the MASTER of yourself.
Tell these people how things are, and if they don't like it, well then, too bad.
There will always be others out there to suit their liking. It just won't be you, and believe me, they'll get over it.
Good for you for standing up for what you believe in!
cdrxo
@commanderxo (1494)
• Canada
10 May 09
You see, that wasn't so hard after all.
As I've said on previous posts..."Learning sometimes means, having to make mistakes." That's how you know then, that you can NEVER make a "wrong" decision.
There.
See how smart you were?
:-)
cdrxo
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
9 May 09
Very well said, you are right I am the result of me and I can make the difference. You have helped very much.1 person likes this
@Mercy2424 (43)
• China
9 May 09
I agree with all the good ideas those friends have put forward.What I want to say is,the kind of person like your cousin won't get real felicity.She is not that good person who deserve somebody else to love her,beacause she doesn't respect herself at first!Even further,she doesn't respect others.You have more good qualities than her,and what you can feel now is all that she can't feel,nor can she feel in the future if she doesn't change herself.You can just go on living your good life,and see how she play her absurd drama!
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
10 May 09
Very well put. This never came to my mind, very good point here. Thanks so much for your advice.
Happy Mylotting
@tabsnlos (587)
• United States
9 May 09
Wow... wow wow wow... Let me hear that my cousin wants my husband! I would totally loose my cool. You had every right to be upset. Your cousin should be ashamed and embarrassed to be around you. If she were my cousin, she would never show up at a party I will be, because there will be a problem right away.
Its nice to hear that your hubby turned her down and is a good man.
It sounds like a very tough time to be going through, but It sounds like you can handle things. You might want to think long and hard about moving, but remember to do whats best for you and the family.
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
9 May 09
Yeah I will keep it in consideration about the moving thing. I think in stead we will just avoid her at all cost. I just wish that we could have had the chance before we were born to decide who we want as cousins and how we want them to act. But then again if that happened then it would not be called life.
@onlinerep01 (490)
• United States
9 May 09
Hello Seppy,
I want to first start off by saying, that there has got to be something wrong on both ends husband and wife, to be married and to have open relationships, and actually be ok with that, you would think there would be some jealousy there, most people that are married don't even like the fact that someone else is looking at their husband or wife in a inappropriate way. I strongly suggest that they get some kind of marriage couseling because there can not be any good that comes from somthing like this.
Happy My Lotting!
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
10 May 09
Hello, that is what I am thinking because the way I see it is that if you love your hubby/wife then you should not have this type of relationship and knowing that there are children involved because of it. All I know is that my hubby just can not get her to realize that he is not that type of person.
Happy Mylotting
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
9 May 09
OMG and to think she’s a cousin…I feel bad for you and you were definitely correct in getting your views across…much better to have sorted that out between adults instead of creating scene in front of children. I don’t think going out of town is great coz it would be like fodder to the gossipmongers and your cousin and her circle. Stay put, stay calm (both of you), go out together as much as possible and just ignore her.
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
9 May 09
Very well put, you are so right cause if we were to move then she would think she had won and we don't want her to think that. In fact I think we will start going out together more often and just avoid her.
Happy Mylotting
@clocks123 (1225)
• United States
10 May 09
Your cousin shouldn't be trying to go out with your husband. I applaud him for turning her down. You are NOT the problem, it appears she is. I wish you and your husband all the best. I would not associate with your cousin because of her behavior. Too bad she has an open marriage it really isn't a marriage at all in my book. I wouldn't leave town; you didn't do anything wrong.
