Your Husband, Wife, Significant other or your Children
By meandmy3
@meandmy3 (2227)
United States
May 10, 2009 8:19pm CST
Which comes first in your life. I know this is a touchy topic and many may not agree with me on this but I think that your spouse should come first by placing your spouse first you are in fact doing you are ensuring your childrens future. So many parents put their kids before their marriage and then one day the kids grow up, move out and what do they have. An empty marriage.
So to make sure our marriage is strong and that we do not wake up one day like that my husband and I do small things to help our marriage. We go on dates, every other week, we go once a year on a trip just the two of us and once a week we have dinner alone without the children. (okay we do that more than once a week)
You get the point, we do all that we can to make sure that our marriage is strong and that we are here for our children.
That does not mean that if one of my children are sick that I do not stop everything to take care of them, I make sure they have clean clothes and food to eat etc all the normal mommy things. I also try to make sure that my marriage will still be here in 20 years.. know what I mean
5 people like this
17 responses
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
11 May 09
When we're still your our parents are at the top list when it comes to significance. The siblings are the next. When you got married, your spouce is on the top priority, that's timely as parents maybe are getting old but it doesn't mean to say we are ignoring or neglecting them by this time. Parents can understand when their children got married, they would be attending to their own families. When the children comes in, they are both prioritized by the husband and wife, They are the most significant now. So everyone is significant Everyone is on the toplist one at a time...
2 people like this
@cbhomework (545)
• Malta
11 May 09
I agree with you that the partner should come first. If you are married, you married to be with the other person. Then whatever came after that is added (including children).
It is also a good thing to respect the partner because the children will grow up in an environment where all the members are loved and cared for. Children, even little ones, notice a lot what's going on in the family and they copy a lot from what they see.
I don't have much time to give to my husband since he works a lot and I tend to spend more time with the little one, however, as soon as the boy goes to bed, I devote my full attention to my husband, even sometimes, I am tired.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
11 May 09
Hi Meandmy3, Being a sinle parent I would have to say that I put my children first but I agree with the concept and yes if the children are bought up in a secure loving relationship between their parents it has a knock on affect and they themselves will grow up to have stable loving relationships too. I don't know whether I would put spouse above the children but on a par, getting the balance right is my motto. I love the fact that you still go on dates together, thats sounds wonderful. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@Mikaela_taz25 (1842)
• Philippines
11 May 09
I love them all. but as a wife, first priority is always the children. my hubby and i talked about that lot about being responsible parent just in case he and i ever have a child. of course, if we date we would include the children so that it can be fun and enjoyable for the family.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
12 May 09
Yes the children go with us out sometimes, but that is not date night. I think that by putting our relationship first in our lives we are in fact putting our children first as well. We work on us, so that in ten years, and in twenty years there will still be an us. Yes things happen that we do not have control over and things change. But we are doing all that we can right now to have a healthy loving relationship and a strong marriage.
@pheobe_09 (35)
• Philippines
11 May 09
Yes, children are blessings accdg to David but spouse is more important than them. Why? the future of the siblings depends on the relationship that you both husband and wife must have. Our repsonse to our spouse must have respect and love to him/her eventhough there's something wrong. I and my husband worked together in building a stable and cannot be broken relationship. We loved each other more than ourselves. We give what's the best for each other. We conquer things by God's grace hand in hand. I loved my kids but i loved the man who made us complete.
2 people like this
@derlilaStern (1756)
• United States
11 May 09
I dont yet have kids, so perhaps I dont have a proper perspective on this. However, I dont think it is fair to say that either should be placed above the other.
Your spouse and your children are both family. Family is the most important part of my life. Like you said, by keeping a strong relationship with your spouse, you are doing your children a favor. I dont think that qualifies as putting your spouse above your children. I think that is making sure your whole family is healthy.
I do agree that it is unhealthy to always side with your children in arguements or try to do everything for them while ignoring your spouse. In denying your spouse, you are also denying that bond that each of us needs. In that way, I think that in trying to spoil your children, you are also harming yourself.
I agree with the message you are trying to give. But I dont think that making sure your marriage is healthy is really putting your spouse before your children.
2 people like this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
11 May 09
I think that you said this in a very nicely. This stims from an oprah show many years ago when the mom was bashed because she said that her husband came first in her life and her children came second. She was saying as I did above that by putting her marriage first she was in fact putting her children first. it is hard to explain at times. she was bashed all over the place for putting a grown man before her children. However her idea was right in my opinion.
Now that I think about it she said that she loved her husband more than her children. and that is what caused the problem she said after all one day her children will leave the house, she hopes that her husband never does.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
11 May 09
I have to disagree with you. My children are first in my life and in my husbands life. They are a part of both of us. How can you put someone infront of your own children. I feel that parents who put their children first have children who grow into wonderful adults. They know that they are love regardless by both of their parents.
We also have date night every week. Every 5 yrs we take a vacation without the kids. By doing this you are strengthening your relationships, but if you child is sick, are you going to leave them to go for dinner with your spouse?
It is important to keep a healthy relationship with your spouse also, but never put their needs infront of the needs of your children.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
11 May 09
Oh, I forgot to add....my marriage is still strong and I have been married 22 yrs.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
12 May 09
Putting our children first does create a stronger relationship between my husband and myself. We both know that our kids come first. We never miss sporting events that they are involved in. It is a strong sense of family. I think that letting your children know they are an important factor in your life and that they hold much value to you is important.
However~ if someone came in my home and was either going to kill my husband or my children, sorry, but I would have to have my husband sacrificed for my chidren.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
12 May 09
If my children are sick I am not going to dinner, If they come down with something I am not going on vacation. however my relationship with my husband is most important to me. I love my children and I love my relationship with with them and would not trade them for anything. I applaud you for things working for you. I think that you are putting your husband first in many ways, you have a very strong relationship with him. I am not saying you do things for your husband over your children or that you do not take care of your childrens needs, as well they really can not care for themselves. You still do that, but in doing that you also take care of thigns for your husband. and do not forget that without that relationship you would not have the children.
@kezabelle (2974)
•
14 May 09
Putting my childrens needs first does not mean I neglect my partner. My children are just that children therefore need me a lot more than he does, there are more than enough hours in the day for my to love care and priorotise each member of my family without ANY of them suffering!
My partner and I have a wonderful relationship with two beautiful hapopy little girls what ever me and my partner are doing is obviously working and as we plan to add one more child to our family i would say things are pretty fantastic!
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
20 May 09
by all means put your childrens NEEDS first, I am not saying to place your husbands needs before your children. I am saying that while you are caring for your children, providing for them, do not get so caught up in their lives that you forget to live your own life, to go on dates, to do things for your husband as well.
@jewl1126 (102)
• United States
11 May 09
Kudos to you! I, too, believe that the spouse should be number one on the priority list of the choices given. If you don't have a strong relationship with your spouse, what do your children have to look up to or feel secure in? Unfortunately, it seems life takes too much control over me and my hubby, always trying to keep on top of work and errands, that we forget to just be "us" together. I love your ideas that you and your husband do to keep your relationship strong...food for thought and action for me. I can't wait to throw this one at my hubby! I'm sure he'll be surprised because it does seem that I have him too low on the chain.
@Frederick42 (2024)
• Canada
12 May 09
For me, I come first and nobody else. I am very selfish and I do not care for other people. For me, I am the centre of the world. Others are nothing in front of me. In fact, people are afraid of me.
As far as spouse and children are concerned, I am not planning to get married. So there is no problem.
1 person likes this
@JABeau59 (446)
• United States
11 May 09
I think in my life I try to put God first. Then everything else falls into place. Spouse is number 2 and children are number 3. You are right about keeping your marriage healthy. It is very important and also your children will learn how to love based on what they see love is. Give them a good example and they will have good marriages too. Good discussion.
1 person likes this
@shegunx (33)
• Indonesia
12 May 09
to keep my marriage still in great atmosphire we always take a time to be alone without the kid.
sometimes I call my wife before I go home to make a date just like when we are teenager... we meet out side ( I do not take her at home ), sight seeing, having a cup of ice cream, watching movies, some time we go down to the pub with all my friends.
When we go out the kid always be with their gran parents
so we now are a HAPPY FAMILY
Thanks GOD
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
12 May 09
I have two boys and a girl, all are five years old.
We play with them all the time, they have a great time with us. We do lots of family outings and family events that all of us participate in. in fact we have a rule or agreement that we do our date nights, but we do not get baby sitters every weekend and we do not leave them to go do things or events in the neighborhood. If kids are allowed at events then we go as a family. (pool parties, etc..) we have lots of fun.
We do lots of things together as a family
@anniecheung216 (168)
• China
15 May 09
Totally agree with you.
I experienced what you said.My parents put all attention on me,so they treat me like their belongs,try to control me ,always ask me listen to them do what they told me.If i don't follow them,they get really furious.
I spend almost 8 years to help them to change their opinion.
I won't let my kids experience this .And i think my husband is the only one who will spend half life with me.Kids will have their own family.
So ,marriage first.then kids.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
20 May 09
I see that so much these days, Parents get so caught up in the lives of their children that they forget that they too have a life, they have dreams, they have things they want to do that well does not involve children. It is okay to get a baby sitter and go away for the weekend, afternoon or evening, to do things that do not revolve around children.
@Rainbow2009 (45)
• China
12 May 09
I think that we should find the balance between spouse and children. They are both inseperable part of life. If I lose either of them, I will feel unhappy or despaired. On one hand, we should do our duty to care for our children's healthy growth; on the other hand, we also spare some efforts to keep our loving relationship with the spouse fresh and new. Different love is given to them. When the confrontation is produced between them, I think, children are the first. they are young and have no ability to face the trouble, and easy to fall out, thus we and our spouse should shoulder our responsibility as parents and give our love to them and take care for them. What you do in your life is right, you really deal with the relationship with the husband and children properly. In fact husband and children are both first for you. You are right. But if the spouse is not the responsible parent, I think, there is no necessity to take him the priority. One family full of love is always harmonious and happy.
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
12 May 09
Very well said, both husband and wife, or spouses have to be on board with this and be responsible parts of the family relationship, unit etc. It is a nice balance between the two. I guess maybe I could have worded my post better. Thank you for your well thought out comment.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
12 May 09
My thoughts on this are personally that you need to place everyone as equal making sure to devote equal time to everyone. Because like you said if you devote most of the time to your kids, then there is nothing left when the kids move out to keep you together, but yet at the same time if you devote all of your time to your spouse you could be missing out on things with your kids, and then wonder why some of them are more distant and getting themselves more into trouble than you would like. When you work together taking time for everyone, things can go so much better for all.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
20 May 09
I agree, I do not devote all of my time to my children, nor to my husband. I give all of them equal time and try to treat them all with respect and love. Having multiples I also try to take each child out alone once a week, for special time with mommy.
@MasonL (97)
• Trinidad And Tobago
12 May 09
Some times don't care what you do, the man can one day ask for a devorce, so let's look at it the other way around.
I believe that the children always comes first because when the man walk out the children is around, I'm not saying that you must not have private times for yourselves like going on a date or taking a little vacation, but my children will be still first because men are really funny, you can't tell what they're thinking inspite of what you are doing for them or in trying to make a marriage work.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
12 May 09
That is what communication if for and I for one do not like to think like that. I believe that our marriage will work and that I am not going to wake up one day to find him gone, Now for something to happen to him, his health to fail etc, that I can not control but I can by my actions and how I treat him make certain that he always feels loved, appreciated and needed in our family.
@chingmerry (414)
• China
12 May 09
i love my hubby by my whole life,both of our parents is far aways from our city where we lived ,so we only depended on each other,we might give more care together,
of course ,i put my husband in my heart for number one position.
