Friend or more???
By bobinger26
@bobinger26 (15)
United States
May 11, 2009 7:36pm CST
So, as a male of 27 years old, I've had experience in dating. I've done it all...the quick romance, taking your time, sleeping arrangements, love, engagement, I've done it all. Well, close to everything anyway, obviously I haven't been married! And then I've definitely never done anything like what I'm about to tell you!
About a month and a half ago I met a girl! Beautiful, smart, witty, funny, fun...all the things that a man will look for in a woman. Now, I broke up with my girlfriend of five months in January, after which I told myself I should be single for at least six months to really recover from the emotional distress and to get back on track. Easier said than done. Three months go by, and I meet this wonderful woman. We click, we're both single, both attracted to one another...we're both available and talk for hours on the phone and decide that we're really into each other. And then this...
So, she says to me that she wants to be my friend for a trial period of about three months, and then, if we're still interested in each other, and we're still friends, then we'll start officially dating!
It's been a month now, we're still interested (from what I can tell), we spend a lot of time together, we sleep together (not sexually, just next to each other), we hold hands, we hug, we caress, we dance, we drink, we laugh, we talk, we've even slipped up once and kissed (though I enjoyed it, she still wants to hold to that 3 month thing). We even discuss future events...distant future events!!! So now, this is my question to you the reader. I know it's not the traditional way of doing things, but, is it really so bad??? Are we going about things the right way, or are we just adding a twist? I'm open to conversation, and I'd just like to get an opinion from someone who I don't know...an outsider!!!
5 people like this
12 responses
@mylesnarvaez (5451)
• Philippines
12 May 09
hi! i think she's very much open to the idea of you being more than a friend and perhaps contemplating on a serious relationship even. but she's also playing it cautious and doesn't want to rush things.
if you have a good thing going, then just enjoy. don't rush and spoil it. it may not be the usual way things are done, but in the process, you are both finding out if you're suitable for each other. :)
@kimutaku (145)
• China
13 May 09
Maybe she's serious with your relationship?
she doesn't want to break it, so she decided to give both of you enough time to be together with each other?
to know each other better,to feel if you do match?
It feels like she's a good girl.
cause many beautiful girls are easy to catch...
but she, she's serious and careful,and she's responsible for herself.
If you're sure that she doesn't have another relationship like you and her.
Just wait for 3 months,be patient,it's not that bad.
@neverland712 (10)
• China
12 May 09
She is a lovely girl and has her own idea about love.Maybe we can make an assumption that she had met some interseting people like you,and they also fell in love with each other.But with the time going on, they became tired of each other.The sad experience told her to be careful with your love.
@terrific2designs (75)
• United States
12 May 09
Well, I don't believe I've ever heard of this kind of situation specifically. Sounds like it could be difficult. However, that also to me adds the part of is she/he worth it? You, or anyone that may be in a situation like yours should probably already know the answer. And if she/he is worth it then... why the heck not? This actually sounds like a great idea to try if the opportunity arises for this sort of thing...
I mean, the best relationships are supposed to come from friendships, correct?
And if this is the truth, then I would suppose that 3 months.. or however long one were to decide... should give that time do create and strenthen a friendship that a relationship could be built on.
@rootpoint (13)
• Lebanon
12 May 09
Just a piece of advice from my past experiences:
Always take your time! It doesn't matter how badly you want her! Conquer your emotions and try to keep up for those 3 months. Don't worry, They will fly by quickly and you'll then reach that next stage.
In the mean time, Always keep busting on her and being cocky but at the same time funny with her. Women love it when you do that.
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
12 May 09
Speaking from experience, I married a man I was good friends with for over 6 years. We mutually decided that dating was what we wanted to do since neither one of would admit to having the "M" word in our vocabularies. 8 months later we tied the knot.
In a nutshell, it's good to be friends first. The only risk is that if it doesn't work out, your friendship is shot.
@melkbremomof2 (116)
• United States
12 May 09
Wow, it sounds like things are going well so far. I don't think it is bad at all. Maybe she wants to make sure you are really interested before it goes any further intimately. Maybe she has had a bad experience in the recent past. It sounds like you are both happy so I think you will make it the three months just fine. It will be over before you know it. Good luck it sounds like you are off to a very good start
@ccarabuena (442)
• Cebu, Philippines
12 May 09
This is the most interesting topic I've ever read...ahahha
well for me it's sounds so cute and just right thing to do..
It's better that you start as friends before going to another level of friendship..
like getting to know each other while enjoying each other's company..
That girl is very unusual one, she's like a treasure I would say and you should take care of the relationship that you've had right now and don't waste it. It simply means that if you go over three months as what the girl wants and still into each other o..OH boy she's probably the right one for you ^_^ just pray if you want her to be the so called ONE. Be blessed ^_^
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
12 May 09
I don't get it? If both of you have mutual understanding already what's keeping you from extending this to the next level? Are you both afraid that something's going to change once you do that. Life is so short, you're both taking so much time familiarizing yourself with each other. Im not an impatient person but I prefer things when its crystal clear. I don't hold back my emotions coz I'm more afraid that I might not have the chance to tell somebody how much that person means to me. I like to share myself, to experience things together without a thought in my head that things might not even fall into place.
I dont like this kind of set up, no assurance and you'll have no room for expectations or anything else. There's a question that will keep on whining inside me looking for answers of what the future will be, if there's really a future or if i'm really the one that's in there... I also don't like being under some sort of test... its like a challenge that I have to overcome to win someone's trust... Any relationship has its mishaps, no amount of experience will ever prepare for an adversity that you're not trained to face... That's just how it is, you're both meant to learn from each other, to leap and to cross bridges together... and eventually, you'll grow...
@BishounenNerd (373)
• United States
12 May 09
Well, it seems like she's made up her mind on the 3 month thing, so I think you should be patient and agree to the 3 months. Just enjoy the time you're spending with her.
@hannahandhenry (65)
• United States
12 May 09
Unfortunately anymore there are many women who have been taken advantage of, abused, etc. It's very possible that this woman has had a bad experience in the past, of course I hope that is not the case, whether she has told you about it or not. In my case I have had a few very abusive boyfriends and other, well, very unpleasant experiences with men in the past. It always started out great, but as their "interest" in me grew and we became closer they became very possessive, then controlling, and eventually abusive. The worst part was these men appeared to be great guys, had nice families, and my family loved them, but for some reason it always seemed to start that pattern around 4-5 months. (3 month waiting period?) I'm not saying that is the case with this woman, but you may never know. I'm currently dating an actual nice guy, have been with him for almost a year now, but have never told him of my experiences in the past. This is not because I fear his reaction, but because I have let them go even though they still affect me on a daily basis. Whether this is the case or not it is good for you to respect the three months because she obviously has a very valid reason (for her) in keeping to this. These days it is not the norm to take time getting to know someone before taking a pretty big leap with them unlike in the older generations. On the other hand, divorce was very rare in the past as it is very common today. One question: Do you think this could end up being the "one"? If so, then think of it like this: you'll have the rest of your lives together being more than friends. Let her be cautious whatever her reasons.
