Single parents and married/attached parents alike...

United States
May 15, 2009 9:58am CST
So I've been thinking... single parents and married or attached parents alike all must face some sort of difficulties in raising their children. Of course, we all love our children dearly and enjoy doing it all the same anyway, but I'm sure we all face struggles with it at one time or another... or perhaps on a daily basis. So I'd like to know from those willing to share or wanting to compare opinions/stories and what not... are you a single parent or a married/attached parent? What do you or you and your partner consider a harder part of raising your children? Is it the lack of time for yourself? Lack of "adult" time? Disagreements with other parents or schools? Meal time? Play dates? Anything... everything... what is it that you consider to be more difficult in raising children?
6 responses
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
16 May 09
My mom is a single parent. It is a tough story. When I was in high school,my mom got cancer.And my dad and my mom divorced.And then my mom and I went to my annt's house to live for a long time. After my mom got well,she bought a small house.Finally, we got a house for ourselves. I should say my mother live a tough life.And she love me so much that I always think I am happy.Thanks god for giving me such a mother.
1 person likes this
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
17 May 09
Thank you. My mom has retired and lives well.Now she has time to do what she want.I will take care of her.Thanks God! Cheers!
@aikhong (661)
• Malaysia
16 May 09
Hm...that's really sad to know that. It's a tough one, i can understand the feeling. But thank God that you and your mother are living fine now. Should really appreciate what you have now, and take good care of your mother too. All the best to you :)
• United States
16 May 09
That is a tough story, but also a touching one. If your mom or any mom read what you wrote at the end it'd probably make them smile/cry... any number of things. Mom's are blessings just as their babies are to them I would suppose. I know my mom is:) Thank you so much for sharing your story.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
15 May 09
My mum and dad were married and a few years later my sister was born. They waited another five years before having me. My mum worked as a librarian until she had my sister then she became a stay at home parent. My dad went out to work as an electronic engineer. I didn't pick up on any signs that my parents were no longer getting on. I think, being older, my sister did though. I was so surprised when my parents got divorced. I was aged 10, almost 11, and in the final year of my primary school. My mum had a difficult time financially. She learned how to drive and bought herself a small car. My mum went back to her work as a librarian. I got married and had a baby son but my marriage only lasted six years. My son is now 14 years old. He doesn't want a father figure in his life. I am a lady so I find it challenging know about being a teenage male. I began another relationship years after my divorce and had another baby son. He is almost to be 2 years old. He is disabled so my partner and I split up because of all the challenges. I am now a single mother. I would say the hardest part of looking after my toddler son is the strain on my back because he can't walk. Moving to a bungalow is the best thing I think would help me and my family.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
16 May 09
Every child is different I think and it can have much to do with personality. I am delighted my older son tries his best at school. Now my toddler son is almost two years old I feel happy with the progress he has made. He can crawl and kneel up. He is getting on well with learning to talk. Thanks for offering a helpful chat.
@russso (1693)
• Philippines
18 May 09
@ MAXIMAX8: You have my utmost respect and admiration. To play the role of a father and a mother is tough. Your children are really lucky to have you because despite the challenges, you remain to be strong.
• United States
16 May 09
I can only imagine, wow. The stresses of everyday life with children that aren't disabled can be a lot to handle at times... but as I've seen with my sister who's done foster care for years on top of having her children... some of the kids are disabled themselves in different ways... and it is definitely all the more stressful. It's like this constant worry... and it makes other parents little worries almost seem like nothing at times. God bless you, I'd say you're doing a great job, and if you ever want to talk/chat, I'm a great listener... lol... and perhaps a great talker.
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
16 May 09
every single moment in raising a child is really challenging. there will always be arguments that need to be resolved daily lol! but for parent who has a special child to raise, like us, is more challenging. my eldest daughter is a special child. delay on her mental development makes you feel like a parrot when teaching her on things that she needs to learn because you'll be repeating every word, everytime and everyday. although she will be able to learn things in time, patience will always be the key. sad to say but i really feel bad everytime i hear parent leaving their child for a lot of reasons that i don't always consider reason enough to abandon the child. being able to face responsibilities for your child will always be challenging but at the end of the day, it always feel rewarding.:-)
• United States
16 May 09
Oh I fully agree on parents leaving their children. I mean, for those that put their babies or children up for adoption for non selfish reasons... such as they don't have the means to take care of them... I'm all for it. But, well, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. And that rewarding feeling... I definitely know that one. And I think every parent could probably relate and understand that. Knowing at the end of the day that that child is a child that you've created, and for those that adopt then a child that you took in. Knowing that this child is where they are at now and are doing as well as they are and are as incredible as they are in some part is thanks to you. Feeling that incredible love and knowing that no matter what this baby(whatever age.. they're still our babies... or big babies lol) is your baby and no one could love them and care for them quite as well as you... God bless and thank you for your post.
• India
16 May 09
Ya that is really absurd that today we dont find enough time to care for things that are really important.But we need to think upon it twice may be thrice..!
1 person likes this
@russso (1693)
• Philippines
15 May 09
My mom and dad are married, but my mom is a single parent. Physically, my dad was never there for my mom. They've been married for 28 years, but if you'd add up the times that they were actually together, it would not even sum up to 1 year. I am 27 now. And for 27 years, it has only been my mom. She's raised both my brother and I all by herself. She's been both a mother and a father to my brother and I. My dad's chosen to live with his mom for reasons that I can't fathom until now. If you were to ask me if I am angry at my dad, I'd answer YES without even thinking twice. I have seen how tough it was for mom to raise two children. She quit her job when I was 13 to be there all the time because she knows how crucial the teen years are. When my brother was circumcised, it was mom who was with him in the hospital. Every single details of our lives, she was the only person who was there. My dad seemed to have his own world elsewhere. One thing that I especially want to put emphasis here is that being a parent does not end when you are able to provide material things and money for your children. Of course, you do have to give them these things and to provide them with proper education. It is every parent's duty to do that because it was not the child's decision to come out into this world. Being a parent is more than being a provider. Being a parent is a full-time job and I'm sure that to be able to raise your children properly, is an achievement.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 09
I couldn't have said it better. Very much agreed. I've tried explaining that to a few people I know who aren't fully there for their children... and I'm not sure whether it's the way I'm explaining it or if it's just not getting through to them or if they just don't have that emotional attachment to their children that makes them care. One way or another, though, very true... being a parent never ends and sure not with the material needs of a child/person. Thank you very much for your post.
@russso (1693)
• Philippines
15 May 09
We really don't need to explain it to other people. Every parent should know that. It's common sense. Lol. Children need to be guided by their parents. Some people can be hard-headed and stubborn. Either that or they're trying to put up this image. I dunno, but my dad is one perfect example. It's his choice -- the same way that that's what other parents choose. What they don't know is that they will be in the losing end. I'm speaking from my own experience. When my dad's realized that he wanted to spend time with us, it was too late. Kids will eventually lead and live their own lives. And to become a parent to them when they're already at this stage is just too late.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 09
Yea, I agree... we don't need to explain it to them. They should know it off the bat. Sometimes you just hope your words might make them realize what they should already know, though.
@aikhong (661)
• Malaysia
16 May 09
Ya, i can say that it's really tough to be a single parent, there're lots of challenges and tough time to go through, including raising up the children. Actually my story is also a sad one. My father got stroke when i was very young, in my primary school years. So, he can't continue to work, and thus my mother has to work quite hard to earn money and support our family. I can know that she's really tired and face tough challenges throughout the years. However, she passed away when i was in my pre-U year. Now, left only my father who's stroke and haven't recover. Luckily, i have my aunty who can help take care of him when we're not around working outside.
1 person likes this
• India
16 May 09
Single parent has many challenges to face. And it is really a sad fact to stay single. Especially when children are present in that singularity. It is difficult to raise children in such atmosphere. A child needs both - mom and dad. So better look out for a new mate before the child get's big enough to understand things. Later on it will be difficult to make him understand the concept about second marriage
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 09
I would have to disagree with the comment above me. I don't fully disagree, though. I would agree that being a single parent can be very difficult at times, but I would disagree on the part where you should get into a relationship for a child. If it happens for you or any single parent, and they do happen to find someone to love and love them and their children and it works out that way, then great. However, I don't feel you *need* two parents to raise a child... though it may be the preferred way. I suppose it is a matter of beliefs.. but as my belief goes... one parent can raise a child alone(though perhaps with some difficulties at times... but difficulties will be there no matter how many people you have to raise a child) just as well as a mom and a dad can or an aunt or an aunt and uncle or a grandparent or two women or two men. There are tons of different types of families and there are plenty of them that have one parent and yet that child and that one parent are doing quite a bit better than some of those families with two parents.