Still live with their mum and they pay nothing

my sister in law has 3 young adults that live with her and her hubby while they work, they pay nothing. i think the parents do their kids such a disservice when they are allowing their kids to sponge off them like that!

He should have been made to help out and be more independent years ago. Your mother has enabled him but not pushing him to do more. It is sad because she won't be here to take care of him forever and he has not learned any survival skills it appears.

I think it is about time for him to search a means of living on his own and learn to support himself and also to help yourmother. Atleast if he isnt able to earn some money he should atleast be able to help her in her daily chores. And he should be told that he should try get some work.

Personally I wouldnt allow it and he is using your mother. If she allows it thou, obviously he will do so and continue to do so. In my eyes unless there is a REAL REASON and I mean a good one, people like that are basically losers. I know that isnt nice but that is how I feel and think we I know or am told of someone like this. I then think that the parent is NOT doing anyone a favor. People need to learn and know how to take care of themselves in all ways. What will happen when she passes on? He goes to live with other family members? NOPE he needs to get a job and get out!

I think your mum needs to put her foot down. Its not your brother's fault that he's being mollycoddled, but he's not going to have a life unless he moves out, and by the sounds of it he has no need to try. I think he should be made to do something for himself and stand on his own two feet!

Oh jugs my friend, I think it is about 22 years past time. That was one thing I stressed in my children that if they were not going to go to college they would get out and make their own way in the world. All three of them have successful jobs and marriages with children. I told them my duties in finacially supporting them ended when they fiinished school and they would not remain in my house unless they pulled their share. I mean help with chores and utilities,groceries and cleanup after themselves. Your mom needs to make your brother grow up and accept the responsibilities of a man his age. What is to happen to him once your mom is gone? flutterby

I do agree with the other poster here about your brother. He does need to get a life and a job. Your mother is contributing to his life style right now. At the same time I believe she like taking care of him. It could be giving her life purpose at the present time. As we get older older and our children grow up and move out on their own we can lose our purpose in life and we don't feel that we are needed any more. This may be where your mum is at.

I read the replies to this topic and many have written that "one should not stay at home after a fixed age". My reply- I completely disagree, everybody has got their own opinion and I would not like to enforce my opinion on you, but I COMPLETELY DISAGREE. Ofcourse! when I say I would always like to live with my parents, I do not mean to be a burden on them. I intend to take care of them financially and provide unbound happiness to them. I shall see to that at a tender age, they do not live a life of loneliness and are always surrounded by company to keep them happy(children, daughter in law, son etc..). Infact this was a norm for second generation Indian people. Unfortunately, people of the younger generation(my generation) do not feel the same. They think it is cool to isolate your parents!!! They think, parents are an obstacle to personal space, bloody ungreatful wretches , they do not seem to realize the sacrifices that parents make for their children. Jusjugs, I think you should tell your brother that he is big enough to take care of the family, and if he has decided to live with his parents, he should take care of them, instead of letting them take care of him.

I definitely feel that those that live at home without supporting themselves to the best of their abilities are not really doing so great. They really need to have jobs, help around the house and at least try to help with the bills. My mother lives at home and holds a job but that is about as far as things go. She pays her own bills and doesn't really help out around the house and it's kind of frustrating because I do everything and barely recieve any help. She doesn't help outside the house or inside the house. That is when it becomes a problem. Just because she holds a job does not mean anything. You need to do a lot of other things aside from working.

Those sort of people just make me completely angry. I don't understand why those people think that way. I would have personally kicked his butt to the curb ages ago. If I were to move back I would at least try to help pay for something. But personally I enjoy trying to be on my own.

Its just too easy to live off somebody else especially if you don't want to work. I have contemporaries who tried that and some of their parents put them out of the house. At age forty its probably too late to do much. This should have been settled very early in life.

Sounds like your brother needs a swift kick in the butt! And your mom for allowing him to mooch off of her. It's one thing if he's working, helping with the bills, being wise with his money. But to just do nothing is a pathetic excuse for a grown man. Sorry... he's your brother, but he needs a good wake-up call... What is he going to do when your mom isn't there any more to take care of him. I can't imagine any woman being interested in marrying him if he is that lazy.

Sad to hear about your brother. I guess he did not think of what is life like and how hard it can be. If he is disabled, i may have understand his situation. But you said that he is perfectly well and fine, although just really lazy and do nothing. There is something wrong probably why is he like this. Is he spoiled brat or something? If your mom just treated him on his every whim, then he might get used of this treatment and did not care about your mom at all because everything he wants, he always get without sweat. What will happen to your bother , i mean brother if your mom is not around anymore. Who would feed him? you? he is like a pet. At least a pet does cheer up his master, what about your brother. What is he doing to keep your family happy the least? It is too late for teaching him, he is already old. How come you have approved of his lifestyle like this?

Hi I personally feel that living with parents is not wrong but being someone who does not do anything and depend on parents even after completing education is just not worth living. We are born and live in this world to hold responsibilities. At the age where we are young we need our parents suppost but when we are grown up we need to suppost our parents. Not be a burden for them. I think your brother need to think abit. I am sure your mother would be hurt inside watching your brother being irresponsible. Thanusha

i would say there is as much a problem with your mother as there is with your brother. it takes more than one to make a bad situation. they are both at fault here and should seek outside professional help. if they are both happy with this arrangment then why complain or do anything at all to change it. its definitely up to them to make the changes. do either of them have complaints and what are they?

he's a bum, he's a parasite and he has no conscience. I still live at home with my dad, my mom passed away last year. But things are different for me because I have a job and I have my share of the bills. My brothers who come home only weekends even share something at home for the food and the bills. And even if I have a far away from home job I still come home after that job is done. Even of most of the time I don't have a job but I take care of everyone at home. Everyone would be dad, my nephew, my cousins and a handful of others who stay with us for sometime then gone the next. PArents who are like that spoiling their children like that are maybe afraid that no one would take care of them in old age. And mind you that person doesn't want to take of the aprents because he can't even take care of himself.

definitely yes, he is a bum. he has to realize what will happen to him if mom passed away. my goodness i never realize there such kind of people like him who is so dependent on his mom for a living. poor boy! you have to talk to him and tell him that it is about time that he has to move and take actions for his future.

I can understand parents having their children live at home with them, especially once they've reached a certain age, because of the cost of living and most of the time you have a huge house and there are empty rooms that can be filled. Though if you're going to be living at home I completely believe that you need to be paying for the bills to help out. I believe that once you've graduated high school - unless you're going to college - you should start paying at that point - no matter what.

JUGSJUGS! SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE TO LEARN THE HARD WAY. HE SHOWS NO RESPECT AT ALL TO HIS MOTHER AND PROBALY CARES LESS FOR THE ELDERLY. YOU DISCRIBE HIM AS A GODLESS PERSON AS WELL, AND THAT WILL NOT GO OVER WITH HIS CREATOR. ABOVE ALL, AS WELL, HE SIMPLY SHOWS NOT ONE IOTA OF LOVE OR AFFECTION FOR HIS MOM. HIS LACK OF LOVE DOES NOT SEEM TO DETER HIS MOTHERS LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR HIM. IF YOU LOVE YOUR MOTHER REGARDLESS AS TO WHETHER YOUR YOUNGER OR OLDER, YOU NEED TO HAVE A TALK WITH BOTH OF THEM TOGETHER. YOU TO NEED CONFRONT THEM BOTH AND AT THE SAME TIME. IT APPEARS TO ME THAT THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM TO CHANGE HIS DESPICABLE WAYS AND RUDE HABITS IS BY DEEPLY EMBARRASSING HIM INTO SUBMISSION. REMEMBER SHE IS YOUR MOTHER ALSO, AND WHAT HES DOING TO YOUR MOTHER IS IN DEFIANCE OF GOD'S LAW. iiF YOU LOVE AND CARE FOR YOUR MOTHER, PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

i would have to agree your mom has made it too EASY for him. not sure why anyone would want to do that. hes taking advantage of them in my opinion, they need to stop treating him like hes a teenager or younger. yes he should be made to get off his a-- and go to work give money for rent and food electric, water. not sure why people think it is ok to treat people that way or why someone would do that to themselves.