Hi all, I have idea for book and I want your Opion on so I have pasted here.

United States
May 23, 2009 5:38am CST
Leave comments and tell me what you think? This is only the being of it, the title of it called Willows Manor. I hope you like it. The year was 1976 when my Father Richard Morgan built Williows Manor; He did for my mother a quiet well spoken lady by the name Of Elizathat was born in Dublin Ireland. She wanted the quiet life for her children and future grandchildern. She said living in the city was tauting the wicked to enter her home and take all her belongs. What she never realized was the the house she loved so much would leave her only child an opharn before thirteenth birthday. My mother was not loved in the smalll country side called Bay Leaf, they believed her to be a witch that had bewitched my father into marrying her The story goes that my father was to marry a local girl named Trina McCeel The Mayor's only daughter. But you see my father went on a business trip to Ireland and fell for a girl he liked to call Fairy due to her eye color they were so blue they were transparent. Anyway, I was Born April 11, 1985 they named Tree after the willow tree in our front yard. I was a free spirit I felt like Willows Manor was my own fantasia land until my thirteenth birthday, when everything changed....... April 11, 1:00 am The storm has come out of nowhere, me and Tree are waiting for her father to come home today's her birthday, Richard wants us to move to city so he can be closer to work and be here in time for things like this so upsetting, I will never leave Willows Manor, my soul belongs here I would die first...... Tell me what you think its not much of a storyline yet but I thought might be a begining.
3 responses
@phyrre (2317)
• United States
24 May 09
I think you need to work a bit on the grammar and sentences. Some are incomplete and don't completely make sense, but those are easy fixes. Also, as an opening, there's too much information going on all at once that should be a bit more spread out (the whole life history thing is a bit too all at once for the reader to fully digest and appreciate). But those are really quick and easy fixes. I love the idea, though! You had me hooked. I want to know why the house was so dangerous, why the child was orphaned, why they thought she was a witch, etc, and that's a really good aspect to have in an opening! The plot idea also seems pretty unique and well thought out, just be careful to avoid certain links (like Rose Red) and you'll do great!
• United States
24 May 09
No its not going to be like Rose Red, When I thought of the story I wanted to try the Stephen King approach but it's going to be a whole lot different then that. I know it is giving to much information on the begining to get straight to the point and I will fix that and the errors in sentencing and spelling. It's tell of a girl that saw her parents murdered, for three years she was in a state of shock, did not speak for these three years her memory of the event she lost. It's also a tell of house too where her mother spirit still lives in house trying to warn her of dangers of the Family's past. I am still working on it and still trying to come up with new ideas.I hope I can finish it.
@Absinto (2385)
• Portugal
23 May 09
As the starting i think is it ok. It has a catchy start. i actually wanted to read more :) and that is rare xD
• United States
24 May 09
Thanks I hope I can finish it soon,it's really first time I tried my hand at writing a book.
• United States
24 May 09
I love it!! It is wonderful!! You have a great imagination & pen. I know you will do a great job. Good luck.