Do you think that a 'mistress' should have equal rights as the legal wife?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
May 29, 2009 2:44am CST
A lady should never be the "other woman" if she can avoid it. As the third part of the triangle, her position is unfair and unpleasant. She is anathema to the Wives' union. Her family is disgusted with her. Her friends are unhappy an disapproving. Her life is a series of brief encounters with someone else's husband. She is often very lonely. Sometimes she is a better woman than the wife in possession, but she is always regarded as a thief, a fox among the chickens. She lives in constant state of expectation - and depression. "I love you, I hate my wife, I'll get a divorce' is the chain that binds her. She usually accepts the situation at the beginning but as the years go without a change in the status quo, she often becomes as nagging and destructive as the wife he wanted to leave at the beginning of the liaison. The 'other woman' is a fool. In the beginning she gets all what she wanted by a twist of her fingers as she has everything, young and beautiful and 'satisfactory' to her man. As long as he is happy with her, he will shower her with anything that money can buy. She is also known as the 'lady of leisure'(LOL)that ease the job of a wife. But not all good things last forever, he will in the end go back to his wife and children leaving this woman alone and maybe penniless.
Do you think it is fair to be left in a lurch after being in service, filling the job of the rightful wife? Can the 'other woman' seek for compensation when the relationship ends?
13 people like this
35 responses
@Beertjie (976)
• South Africa
29 May 09
The mistress deserve no rights, she knows that the man is married and even if he promise to leave his wife, she should not be with him until he has actualy left her and the devorce is final. He belongs to his wife as long as they are amrried.
As for the husband, he does not deservs to be married. If he can cheat his wife, what can he give the mistress that he would be faithfull. If she knows he is married, why does she go for himon prmises. What can he promise her that he could not promife his wife. How long before he gets bired with her as well.
It is a et another sick stdry from a sick world.
Bleesimgs
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
29 May 09
Even if the man is married but most of his married life he stays with the mistress and few even sired the mistress producing innocent children which the mistress keep as a stake to keep his man. I know the legal wife even if she has been deserted in preference for the mistress still gets all his properties in case he passes away. But there are instances where the mistress made a claim and contest for her share as she has acted as the second fiddle though illegally.
2 people like this
@chakchiki (1)
•
13 Jun 12
good day.
i would agree o those judgements be brought down to all men who betrays their loving wife......
but what if the loving wife is not loving and lacks her part as a wife which she should be doing for her husband.
that is one of the reason why some men search those lacking from their wife to others who can provide.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
29 May 09
I don't see the 'other woman' ever getting the same compensation as a wife. Why should she? And if she did, what is then the incentive to marry in the first place?
I disagree that her friends are disapproving, although I can see that her family might be disgusted. Many women enter these relationships for the same reason that men do. They like the perks without being tied down. When either party gets bored or dissatisfied it's easy to walk away. There are many women who value their independence and don't want to marry. They'd rather stand on their own two feet rather than just being 'so-and-so's wife'. There are also many wives seeking to reclaim some excitement and intimacy outside of a marriage that has become nothing more than a piece of paper granting a man free maid service and a mother to his children.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
30 May 09
Any women who becomes a lady of leisure should know well that without a valid marriage contract she is wasting her youth and will gain nothing in the end. But most ladies who fear divorce prefer to be a mistress to someone as they are no strings attached and has the freedom to move around and live a life of luxuries.
2 people like this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
31 May 09
Many women who choose to become mistresses are not necessarily women of leisure. With more equality in the workplaces (in many countries) there are more women choosing to pursue careers instead of being tied down with families and children. In being mistresses, these women have a certain amount of romance and companionship to satisfy those needs, and can still devote much of their time to their careers. This type of woman is not looking for something 'in the end', as she is profiting and gaining through her own merits.
What I find ironic is that many men who would not want their own wives working outside the home are also attracted to women with careers.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
29 May 09
YA got me on that one.
If a man is that low to have another woman I would say he needs to set up something for her in the beging! .But tehn some women can handle being the extra wife!
I would never look down on someone that chooses this way to go as it might just be for the support of a mans voice a hug some companionship sometimes.
Of course they have to be lonely not having him around all the time.
and Men they say all the right things to this women so he can have his cake and eat it too!
3 people like this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
29 May 09
Hi, ask I believe married people should be couple right? and couple mean two not three. It hard to say cuz some woman has already know that this or that man married already but still want to involve. but some other never know until everything is too late. to me, if I know this man has wife and kids already then I just walk away and let them peaceful because I dont want to destroy his or her family at all...
It is hurt but in a short period of time, not forever and you will never hurt the kids too... kids need their father to be with their mother only, not another person. It would be legal if both party agree... but a small percentage.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
29 May 09
u struck a nerve w/this one, zandi. u are so right u should never get into that position. we all learn by our mistakes, i guess. it doesn't kill the love tho. i don't think the "other" woman is due anything. the truth would have been enough compensation but u don't get that either.
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
29 May 09
I don't think so. She is accountable on all her actions and she should know quite well the consequence of being a mistress. The rights are reserved ONLY to the legal wife. If they have equal rights then i don't see any reason to be legal. Might as well be a mistress right? Well, some mistress are quite lucky because the husband ends up staying with them forever leaving his legal family behind. I guess if they're a mistress, then they better do the job pretty well.
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
31 May 09
Couldn't agree more. What bugs me more is that some mistresses are the ones who are gutsy enough more than the wife and would reason out that the wife is a lousy lover when she didn't put into consideration the times the legal wife has spent with her husband even before she came into the picture.
2 people like this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
29 May 09
That's a tough one, especially if the mistress was unaware that her man is married to another woman. However, if she is aware that her man is cheating on his wife, then no, she shouldn't have the same rights as the legal wife whatsoever. After all, she was in on it. 
3 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
29 May 09
I do not think that a mistress should have any legal rights to compensation because, as others here have mentioned, she knew when she learnt she was a mistress that she would have no place being with a man who is legally bound to another, it is just wrong to interfere in the sanctity of someone else's marriage and after all, no one would have forced her to endure the liaison.
I realise that life is not a black and white affair (pardon the pun) and there are decent women who have not planned to find themselves in love and in a situation like this but it rarely ends well for the 'other woman'.
It can be a very painful and lonely existence. There have been situations where the man did in fact leave his wife and married his mistress but these are few and far between I think.
The fact is, if a man is married he is not available he 'belongs'(sort of speak) to his wife legally and morally and no one has the right to interfere with that.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
30 May 09
I agree with you fully. Every men who enters into marriage should know well his obligations and responsibilities and having a mistress is not binding and it is the fault of a woman who succumb to false love and promises. Men are known not to refuse good offers and if she knows that he is a married man and still seduce him then she will definitely be on the losing end.
2 people like this
@CRIVAS (1815)
• Canada
29 May 09
Okay firstly I think that any woman stupid enough to get involved with a married man, deserves to be left in the cold. I don't care what kinds of feelings are there, a mistress is the person that comes in between a husband and wife and the vows that they hve taken. If a woman was worth her "salt" she would have enough respect to wait until the man is divorced. No I don't think that a mistress has ANY rights, she forfits any rights that she might have had, the minute that she gets involved with a married man. The next thing that you are going to tell me is that the wife, is responsible for the husband cheating. THAT IT THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. NO ONE is responsible for our actions, EXCEPT FOR US. No wife, no matter how horrible a wife, is ever responsible for a husband cheating on her. The only person to blame in those situations is the husband who doesn't have the balls to get a divorce. I think that "the other woman" knows what she is getting into from the minute she enters into a relationship, if she says differently she is just trying to fool herself. I think that cheating is WRONG no matter what the situation and I don't think that anyone should support it at all, EVER!
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
30 May 09
As you write this I can visualize your disapproving look on the prospect of a man keeping a mistress and your hatred towards those who go in between a married couple. I share your sentiment. It is of course very wrong for any women to be a second fiddle and should at all cost avoid disrupting the happy or unhappy marriage of a man. She should respect the vows taken and let her not be the joy killers of any marriage. Keeping a mistress is wrong and it is written clearly in the Ten commandments of the catholic church that one should not commit adultery. But temptation is always there to lure men into this sort of illegal union. Women are also to be blamed for offering these married men a paradise on earth and is a known fact that men never refuses good offers.
1 person likes this
@Nerissagoh (69)
• Singapore
29 May 09
If the mistress couldn't 'leave' a married man, then she will have to know the consequences and be able to face whatever comes her way. She is already hurting another women and she will usually be showered with 'love & gifts' thus should have no regrets and know how to play the game - get whatever she wants, as much as she wants from the man and leave when time is ripe.
3 people like this
@prinzcy (32305)
• Malaysia
29 May 09
No, I don't think so. I don't think any woman should be with a married man. Man is another issue but we woman shouldn't betray one another. That's why it's important to stay away from a married man. If we grant a mistress an equal right to a rightful wife, it's like we're agreeing their scandal to continue.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
29 May 09
I get your point here. Women should help each other to combat this temptation and let the institution of marriage and family union be strong. It takes two to tango and it doesn't happen if women are unresponsive. I can say women are men's paradise on earth and also the satan that drives men to hell.
1 person likes this
@janiceines (799)
• Singapore
29 May 09
mistress not fit to be equal rights as the legal wife , she is stupid to believe what the guy say , and i think she is stupid to fall in love with a marriage man too, a marriage man especially with children seldom will divorce with her wife , if he did so , next time he will divorce with the mistress and have another girlfriend
3 people like this
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
29 May 09
not no but Heck no. She is in the wrong, she is having an affair with a married man and she knows what she is doing. There are plenty of single men out there she can hook up with, why should she be paid for her stupidity.
@frygirl (382)
• United States
31 May 09
i am going through this right now iam the wife my husband met someone on facebook and iam not sorry when i say this the other woman is not a lady because if she was she would not go trolling around for married men she would find one of her own and try to keep the wolves at bay for her sake i dont feel a bit sorry for people like this. my husband has tried to get rid of this woman but she is stalking him and thats what he said to me. but i guess it doesnt matter anymore.things are getting ugly .
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
31 May 09
Why bother if it is only a virtual encounter. He is not keeping her physically or has it become a trend now that there is something like 'virtual mistress'? Well, why don't you just do likewise and see how he deal with the situation. When he feel threatened by your action he will withdraw from his stalker. But as far as internet friendship goes, it is only fantasy and don't get too upset about it.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
3 Jun 09
Hi frygirl, then this is something else, she is real and a very daring woman who dares to approach you knowing that you are still legally married to your husband. That shows she is damn serious to unseat your position as the rightful wife. It is up to you to take the next course of action which you think is best for you.
1 person likes this
@frygirl (382)
• United States
1 Jun 09
thats just the thing she was here in person visiting the week my house burned to the ground and she had the nerve to tell me to my face that she had been wanting to meet me.and when her youngest child graduates from high school she is moving down her to the town where we live. she already has her bus ticket.so you see it it a little bit more complicated than a virtual thing. me and my husband have been married for 18 years and we have no children well she cant have any either .
2 people like this
@carrine (2743)
• Philippines
31 May 09
yes it it really unfair, but being the mistress is a choice also of a person. and we all knew that being a mistress also is a big mistake, a sin to our God our father. and unfair for the family, wife and to your own life.
if possible do not ruin your life in engaging to any married man out there. i know were just human, committed mistakes, but as possible as we can avoid, we have to avoid it. even me, many married guy are inviting for a date, i do accepted some of those invitations, but not to the extend that i commit myself to them.
what is always in mind is, im a woman also, i know what's the feeling being betrayed, i know how it feels, and i dont want to happen to me, so i wont do anything that can harm someone feelings and ruin other family.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
10 Jun 09
Hi zandi, Nowadays the law is kind to the other woman too. I feel that it is a very tricky situation to be in. In most cases a man strays when he is bored or insecure in his marriage.The other woman gets into this entanglement knowing fully well the consequences that are bound to follow.Earlier, it was easy for a man to play around with the other woman for sometime and when he got bored, go back to his wife and family leaving the OW high and dry. In most countries now the laws have been amended and the other woman has equal rights as the wife . Hopefully this will discourage men from taking their affairs lightly ..
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 09
Well, if that does materialize then the marriage institution is a mockery. It doesn't bullet proof on their men from indulging in extra marital affairs which could rock their legal position in that marriage. Now they have to think of how to secure and lock their assets from being divided with other women if the law is going to be kind to the other women. It is unfair deal. Wives beware and do not be taken in by a wayward husband. You may think it is a passing infatuation and have the hope that they will always come home to hearth and home. Yes, they want their home comforts but to what purpose if they put the mistress on par or in higher importance then that of the legitimate family? As a woman I would fight tooth and nail with the lawmakers who give mistresses a share of the cake. The law should never be passed as it will create a lot of dissatisfaction to married women and allowing men to live in sins.
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
3 Jun 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
"Mistress" can never replace wife. As a woman, I am sure no wife will ever tolerate
mistress in her family. Absolutely there is no room. These are two different relations.
One is duty bound, where other is related ones. Mistress is paid for her job, wife is
never paid , but taken care-off mutually by both by bonded relations for whole life.
May God bless You and have a great time.
2 people like this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
14 Jun 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
So nice of you for your comments. Absolutely, there is no room for any mistress in my hubby's life-book. I have turned all pages of his book in almost past 40 yrs.
May God Bless and have a graet time.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
30 May 09
Would serve the man right for having a mistress in the first place! I have had the misfortune of being caught up in a similar cycle. First he was legally separated from his wife. We lived together and had children together for 3 years before he finally got his divorce finalized. As soon as we could, we rushed out to get our marriage license and less then 2 weeks later he married someone else. I was so angry that when he came back to me and wanted me on the side I let him... for the sole purpose of screwing up his newly acquired relationship. I should receive compensation for what he has done to me and our children. It isn't right that there are men out there like this.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
30 May 09
I am sorry to hear that but it sounds like a story is repeating itself. You got involved with your husband before he finalized his divorce and he married another woman when you are already married with him. Isn't he doing what he has done earlier on.
1 person likes this
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
31 May 09
we actually never got married... married her after we got the license, at least this is how the cops explained it after I tried to get my stuff back.
2 people like this
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
7 Jun 09
Sorry for the late reply on this one,, well I always gave importance to the belief that all ladies are beautiful,I add today ,,all ladies are equally important as long as a man wants them to be with them,he should b bold enough to spread the things he has for both of them( the 2 ladies,,Or more if he wishes,,),, so at the end none should remain penniless,, I believe all will agree with me,, (Want to have fun,, Pay for it,,)
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 09
This is something that many women do not agree and will never see the need to share their men with another. It's about time that deceiving men get their some punished in some ways and realise that their good for nothing actions are nothing but pure lust, depraved morality and of course a drain on their pockets. If such thing does happen it is far more better to adopt a polygamous life and let (if the ori approves) the two women share the man in you legally rather then living in sins. For heaven sake, I rather remain single and happy for life rather then having to share my love with another woman. You see my point.
1 person likes this
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
11 Jun 09
I sure agree with u,, ur idea is definitely better than my one,,CHEERS
1 person likes this
