freinds?

United States
May 30, 2009 12:31pm CST
i've always been accused of being "standoff-ish" and "not trying to make friends" i think what people have never realized is that i am very insecure about people wanting me around, wanting to be my friend. i know that i can come off as very confident, but deep down, i am anything but. i am shy and afraid. i'm always worried that even when people really act like they like me, i am being a pest and they are just being nice. i know that a lot of this stems from my past. my mother made it obvious that she thought there was no reason for me to be on this planet, and would often tell me that she was surprised anyone would "put up" with me. i also have had many (probaly more than average) people who i thought were friends turn on me or just plain abandon me. so i am leery of getting close to people. it's not that i have had NO friends. i'm married to the sweetest, kindest man on the planet, and i have had my best friend for many, many years. but that really has been about it. in the last 2 years things have changed. i met a lady while getting my nails done, we struck up a conversation, and have been friends ever since. then i met a guy who works at a doughnut shop. he was always friendly, fun, and interesting, so one day i gathered all of my courage and asked if we could hang out some time. i made it clear that i am married and want nothing more than friendship from him. i was amazed when he said yes. now i am friends with him and his gf. then a new neighbor moved in. she asked about my dog when i walked by. we talked about out pets for awhile. after about a year of this things changed one day when she was having trouble with one of her dogs and i helped her (i'm good with animals, it's just people that are difficult). since then i have seen her basically every other day, to visit or walk dogs together. while i am really enjoying all of this, i am freaked out and scared. when is it all going to fall apart? when are they all going to see that i am not worth the time and dump me? i'm terrified that it will happen. i don't know how to get over it. any advice or comments would be appreciated.
1 person likes this
2 responses
bunnyhoover
@bunnyhoover (406)
• United States
30 May 09
S, I think that this is a very important topic. As you know I am very outgoing in public but I am very insecure inside. You see me in the donut shop and things are cheerful and confident but when it comes to someone "really" getting to know me I am a wreck. I have a habit of things going great until I sabotage it. You are right, humans are much more difficult to deal with than other earth animals. I don't think that you have anything to worry about though dear. You are great to hang out with. You have Paul too, so even if you start getting super stinking or eating parts of your friends and making us feel uncomfortable, we will all still hang out with you just to bask in the glory of Paul! You just have to learn to think that you are cool, then it won't matter if anyone else does. This is one of my favorite topics you've posted. Almost as awesome as the burping bunny discussion! just kidding. This is way better.
flyinglove
@flyinglove (167)
• United States
30 May 09
i think i sort of picked up on the fact very early on that there was a lot more to you than one would see when you are at work. while you always came off as super-intelligent, i also sensed some shyness and insecurity, maybe that is part of the reason i wanted to know you better. you hide it well, but as i have the same issues i can usually tell when others do. and fyi, i only eat the parts of my friends that fall off of them. if it's not attatched, it's fair game. as for stinking, i really do hate showering/bathing. it's SO FREAKING BORING. thanks for the reply, hoover.
nevadiva4u
@nevadiva4u (1)
• United States
30 May 09
I like what you had to say. I get accused of the same but making new friends isn't always easy for anyoneto do. We may all come off a lil standoffish but if anyone ever took the chance to pick up a shuvel to dig a lil deeper they would see what we see about ourselves. Oh well, someday we'll all be able to grasp that thought without being told. lol
flyinglove
@flyinglove (167)
• United States
30 May 09
thanks. i'm glad to know that i am not the only one with this issue. and i think it's funny as heck that the add at the bottom of your reply was about a training tool to stop dogs from barking. maybe that is a subtle hint from the universe that people would like me better if i shut up! lol.