Respectful or disrespectful?

I think you guys did the right thing by respecting her wishes.I had my sister who passed away in 2006 and she always said that she dont want a eulogy,we respected her wishes and didnt have one.

My son is classic autistic so I am laughing at your Asperger vs. Neurotypical comparison. I would have to say it's more of an insensitive jerk think of himself vs. a daughter and family making an emotional but loving decision. Things can't always be about "me", sometimes things have to be about others. The world doesn't always center around us. I am also not saying your husband is an insensitive jerk. He is being insensitive though. It was actually very caring of him to wait so long to bring this up. I think maybe he has some issues that he needs to work out with your mother dying. If he feels he needs to celebrate her life can't the two of you just have a quiet time talking about her or does he need the whole community around to do that? Maybe the two of you can visit "her" or her special place and this would help him lay her to rest. I can understand how he feels that it's not a finale to someone's life. I think that each person has the right to choose there service or the lack there of. Good luck to you. You are probably a very artistic person, or maybe very good with numbers and I am sure you are a person who gets things done. I find it very interesting no one has diagnosed you with this until now. It's not always heriditary or genetic. We had the testing done to find out. (I think my husband wanted to blame my family. LOL He just wants a reason and sometimes there are none, at least not scientific)

Interesting discussion, What has me wondering is the neurotypical. What an interesting concept, I think the wishes of your mother were odd but well meaning. As for you having Asperger's that is something that I could not pick up on in your writings. Sometimes doctors make a diagnosis based on flawed perceptions and then often times they grade the diagnosis in levels of severity, so do you have a mild case of Asperger's? Do you want to explain more about Asperger's?

Hi Dawn - I think you and your other family members did the right thing by your mom. Obviously, your mother made herself very clear about what she did or did not want when it came to her passing. I think it was very respectful that you did as she requested. It doesn't seem like her request was a frivolous one time passing in the night moment. I definitely do not think that you did anything wrong. Jill

u shouldnt be so thughtfull.u might staring ur nerves in the brain.keep it low and cool

Hi, Following your last discussion I read on autism and Asperger's and thought about you and you earlier post and poems etc. And I was puzzled sort of that how could be a so normal person like you be a patient of Asperger's. Now this story of your husband feeling that you have not done what you should have just by going by her wishes there is total normalcy I guess. I personally respect a dying person's wish though I am not so much sort of religious minded. Now to settle the the issue you could follow what he wants to do and there should not be any problem. Would not it be better to go for some ceremony and thereby obliging your husband's wish. And what I feel you should stop feeling that you do have that Asperger's symptoms. You know many a time we create some disease or abnormality out of ourself.

My mother passed away last year. I did respect her wishes. I think you had to do what your mother wanted to respect her wishes. It was the right thing to do.... You don't have Asperger's syndrome....

My grandsons has Aspergers. He is now 13 years old. I want to start this off by saying you did nothing wrong concerning your mother. You and your family honored her wishes and that's what you should have done. People with Asperger's tend to think out side the box. I was told the Bill Gates and many of the most successful people have it. I would like to know whats wrong with your husband saying a thing like that. Know what? He's the one that doesn't get it. Why did it take him five years to decided you were wrong and what does he base his thinking on? My grandson is a very interesting person. Your not always sure what he's going to say but it's always interesting. Tell your husband for me that he is married to a woman that will always make his life interesting if he's man enough to take it. I am surprised that you are just finding out that you have Asperger's. Did you have problems in school? My son and daughter in law refused to give him pills. Thank God he never needed them and is much healthier for not taking them. So do me a favor and tell your husband i said to sit back and enjoy the ride of having a person with Asperger's in his life.

I have a total respect to your mom and her wishes. Whatever you did was right as it was just following her wishes. After all you must have fulfiled her wishes when she was alive, haven't you? Thus there is nothing wrong in doing whatever you did after she passed away but... I loved the way you had an arguement with your partner: He said, "you just don't get it". and I said "no, YOU don't get it." i know this is senseless but even in this serious topic, you brought me a smile on my face by having this inocent argument!

I think that it would have been disrespectful to go against your mother's wishes, so you did the right thing. Surely respecting someone's wishes is the best way of honouring them!