Am I too harsh with my sister?

I don't think you are too harsh at all with your sister. I would do the same thing if my sister was like that, and probably stop helping her out all together. No disrespect to your Mom, but I think your Mom should be backing you up on this and definitely have a talk with her daughter. My Mom would'nt beat around the bush, if you are messing up, she's going to tell you plain and simple. She would be blunt and what she calls, Tough Love. She loves us daughters, wants us to do good, and will let us know if we are being bums or what not. I think if your Mom would be harsher to your sister, it just may help. Is she the younger or older sister? Spoiled or not? I only ask this, for I'm a middle child myself, and my older sister and younger sister always got everything and spoiled, while I was always on the outside looking in. I hope your sisters back you up like this. I think it's a great thing, for afterall how are these children going to grow up? We don't have to work. Look at Mom, she doesn't work, not responsible for her actions, takes advantage of kindness and help, and most importantly, take advantage of family. So look, we won't have to do much in life because we will always get help from someone. Your sister is definitely not setting a very good example for her children. They are lucky to have an Aunt like you. I'm sure your other sisters are great Aunts too, don't want to disclude them. You are far from mean, keep that I don't care attitude for this situation, for I think if your sister stopped having all kinds of help at a moments notice, she will have to eventually get off her rump and get a life. A real working life and it's nothing but a positive situation for her children. No offense, after not working for 10 years, any job is going to seem or be hard. Once you get back into it for a bit, it is like riding a bike, gets easier. Whose definitely not going to take the catering and pampering over being a responsibe adult and mother.

No, I don't think you're being too harsh at all. She might think so, but oh well. I think you are doing the right thing by not giving her handouts and letting her keep taking advantage of you like she takes advantage of others. If you start giving in to her, you become an enabler. It works the same for addictions too. If you put someone in a situation to allow them to do the bad behavior again and again, you are not helping the problem. You are right; she has to learn to do things for herself. Unfortunately, as long as she has at least one other person gullible enough to keep catering to her, she will never see the light. Those kinds of people will ride it until nothing is left and they hit rock bottom. Only then will they start to wake up and learn what it means to be a grownup. I feel bad for you that you have to put up with that. There is no excuse for irresponsibility and laziness in an adult human being. She won't even get a job because it requires a smidgen of effort? What a waste of space. Sorry to say that about your sister, but people like that infuriate me!

Nope i don't think your harsh on her at all. In fact 4 kids, let me guess they are with a few different fathers and she married none of them. I think she's just one of those dumb b*^&hes if you ask me that use people for their money so they can skim through life. I think that's a poor excuse for a human being if you ask me. I have a neighbor that has 5 kids and each one of them has a different father. When i found that out i just put her on her spot and said what the hell why don't you do something instead of using men. Granted i'm sorry this is your sister but you need to tell her to stop loafin off men it just ain't right.

No not at all, i mean if everyone stopped helping her out and being there for her she would have not option but to get a job. I mean your sister is acting probably like a teenager, i dont think your harsh if it was me i would have told her i want nothing to do with her. Because she is treating you and the rest of your family like mugs i mean i guess she only has the kids wit her so she gets the money i wouldnt be surprised if the dads get custody of her as if she isnt working or doing anything they can claim she is unfit to be a mother. I think you need to talk to your other sisters and your mum and say that your giving her so long to get herself together after which if she hasnt got a job then you all will stop helping her. Because the more you help her the more she will keep acting like this PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!

I think you are way too nice with her. I'd tell her exactly how it is. She should get off her lazy butt and go and work. She had no business having kids if she wasnt going to do her best to provide for them. I have a great job already. I'm only 24 and I dont have any children. I am working really hard to save up as much money as I can, to get some really good work experience, enjoy my life whilst I am young and I hope to have 1 or 2 children in my 30s. You are not harsh at all.

Hi there Valentine28! I think what you are doing is just right or maybe not enough! For a sister like that, considering she is on her 30s, she must be taught a lesson in the hard way. Don't help her in anything in anyway. Let her realize for herself that she must move by herself and help herself. If your mother say you are to mean to your sister and she pity your sister, think about this, if you pity her for lifetime, she will be like that for lifetime. Some people must be taught the hard way to learn and realize their mistakes for them to have a better understanding of things on what is right and what is not. For me, be more harsh on her! Don't mind if she gets angry at you. What you are doing is for her own benefits and when she realizes that, she will be very very thankful for you in letting her understand her own mistakes.

Hi there! Well I think that you are just really trying to help her. But the thing is that others don't agree with the way you do it even if your intention is really good and nice. I just hope that your sister would shape up soon for her own good.

You're not being too hard on your sister. Maybe you should also tell your mother to help your sister become more mature because it seems like your mother is tolerating, if not encouraging, your sister to become lazy. If I had a sister like that I will not bother to help her. I really hate parasites.

you are too bother to dont know whether your attitude are right or not,you also wouldn't be so trouble if she is a irrelevant person,you still care about her in general,i had same situation with you ,but that person is my mother,through a unhappy times,i have come to learnd that i couldn't change her anything,it is inherent,so i choose to accept hers lazy or self-will,ect.there will be less dispute when i am with one eye covered.

Dear friend,I don't think you are too harsh to your sister.I sincerely understand that you feel.it is well-known to us that it is very important for everyone to rush into independence.It goes without saying that early independence help people to better understand the people around them and the world as a whole.They can gather more valuable social experience for their future life and career.Moreover,living on their own enable the people to face and overcome the difficulties by themselves. Perhaps we can't turn a blind eye to the difficulties which your sister has to face currently.Perhaps she is still not only immature but also lazy. But I think what she really need is your proper induction instead of only helping doing everything for her.I suggest you take a long talking with her,give her some benifit induction and support of spirit,help her stand by herself early.

Yeah yo have to teach your sister to catch his own fish. Everyone of as have the responsibility to feed our own family ....

pray your sister and u will see everything its changes

hi buddy...... i think you are not harsh with your sister . But you should take responsibility of changing her behaviour. As she has four children , try to explain how much responsible she should be . If she doesn't care ... do not bother about her and do not feel tense about her . your future is important for you . Concentrate on your studies. .I hope a good future is waiting for you and your sister