A wife's sense of entitlement

I agree with you. If you have a marriage where you have both agreed to play conventional roles--provider and homemaker--I think that the one who works should be the provider of material things. But the homemaker should also shoulder the responsibility of the child care and maintaining the domicile. I have a nephew who is a househusband because his wife's family owns a company that brings in a great income. He enjoys staying home and keeps the house clean and welcoming, the children love the arrangement and he also home schools their two kids. His wife loves her career and the travel that goes with it and the whole thing works ideally for them. But she is the provider and makes sure that everything material is provided while giving emotionally to her family. He makes sure that the home is a haven for his family. So, whoever is the breadwinner does have the obligation to provide but the homemaker has obligations, too.

I think it should be equil between the husband and wife to help each other out. The husband shouldn't have to take on a ton and neither should the wife. The wife does have a lot of duities at home but its not any easier on the husband either when he is at work. So i think it should be shared.

The description of a husband caring for the wife is how it should be. The thing is, if it does not turn out that way, which sadly is often the case, the woman needs to quit whining about what should be happening and take action and make sure that the family is okay. I am speaking from experiences withing my extended family. Just because something should be a certain way does not mean that if it isn't the woman just quits functioning and lets the world fall around her ears. We need to be better than that. By the same token, if a woman is not caring for her spouse, keeping the home and kids, he should not just go all passive, but should do his best to pick up the slack. My mom was a great one for not doing anything because things were not as they should be.

This is one of those questions where the answers all depend on the people involved. Society may say that the family's welfare is on the husband but in reality it's on the ones that can handle it. History proves that many times it's the wife and mother who hold things together.

Kelly- I believe that it is my choice as a wife to stay home or to work. I believe that I have absolute rule over how this household runs, and that I will set the tone of the home. I believe my husband should work and do what is necessary so I can run the home effieciently, even if I decide to work or what not. I believe that the raising of the children is equal. I believe that though I set the household tone, if there are jobs I wish my husband to help with that he'll do so graciously. (He does for the most part). I believe I am entitled to have what I need as a wife and mother. I also believe that I provide the support system for our family. So, entitled is a word that I equate with what I am owed, not what I do. I don't think my husband "reserves" the rights to anything, but rather shares in those rights. I have a really special husband though who works his tail off for us, helps with the house, and helps in the child rearing. He also still makes time for his studies, classes, and spiritual endevours. And he truly treats me like a Queen. Namaste-Anora

This was probably true many years ago but in these modern times it should rest equally on both partners' shoulders. I think you should both take care of each other and no one should feel more burdened than the other. Doesn't it make you feel unequal to men if you feel you are entitled to be taken care of? If men and women are equal then they should be able to take care of themselves without relying so much on the other person.

A wife is entitled to be taken care of by her husband... I don't think so. I think that both parties are entitled to be in an equal caring relationship, each doing what they can to care for eachother. That the wife is entitled to be cared for, provided for, by her husband, is putting her in a submissive position, and opening her up to having a husband who abuses the power she gives him. I think that wife and husband are a team, and need to work together doing the best that they can do, and no less. Both wife and husband should care for the house, the children, and work. My husband and I are together because we love eachother, and are best friends, not because I need a man to care for me, and he needs a housekeeper.

Great discussion. I have a problem with the word "entitlement". I don't think anyone is "entitled" to anything. BUT, I do think husbands and wives...or domestic partners, SHOULD take care of each other. To me, that's what relationships are about. In a healthy and happy relationship each partner SHOULD want what is best for the other. They should WANT to take care of each other. If course, unfortunately, relationships are a lot more complex than what our "ideal" relationships might be. At some point we all have to address the question of "how much do we take care of them and when do we start taking care of ourselves". We all have strengths and weaknesses and trying to figure out how to work together can be extremely challenging. To summarize...YES husbands SHOULD take care of their wives and wives should take care of their husbands. Not because anybody is entitled to anything, but because it's the right thing to do when you love a person.

This is one of those questions that I had never given much thought to how others would handle things. For my personal situation I stayed home with our older kids until they were all in school and then I started working, but even then my husband was our main support and my income was just extra. Now that we've had another baby I'm home again and I guess we never really discussed it we just both assumed that I would. So in answer to your question I would say yes.Even though we have never discussed it I guess both my husband and I feel that the husband should be the provider and the wife should be the nurturer. It sounds kind of sexist and old-fashioned put that way LOL, but if its how both spouses feel then there shouldn't be a problem.

I think this is all up to your own personal views. I would not mind going out and getting a job. I was a single mom before I met my husband, and the only reason I stay home now is because we can't afford child care. If I could I'd be working to help us out. I admit I do find it odd when a woman goes and works while a guy stays home and handles the house and family. I also don't think I'd be comfortable earning more money than my husband. I do believe the man should be head of the household and the main money earner, but I don't think his wife should just expect him to take care of her while she stays home.

THAT'S THE WAY IT USE TO BE but not sure it's that way anymore. seems to me nowadays in a marriage each person is doing their thing & there is not closeness like it use to be.

I somewhat agree that the husband/man of the house should be the one to make sure that the family/wife/children are taken care of. I also think it is okay for the wife to work, if she is able to, in order to help out with the finances. Unfortunately, that is not the way it is in my household. It is just my husband and myself. He stayed at home doing online work, which did not amount to anything, he is a web designer. I went outside of the home to work. I lost my job last June, and we are really struggling now, because he did not have an outside steady job to help out. I worked hard to supplement what he wasn't making, and now there is no income coming in except for my unemployment, which is not forever. My husband actually has an interview this week, my fingers are crossed that he will get the job, and maybe we can start to fight ourselves out of this financial mess we are in.

I think that in today's society,women have become equal partners in th ejob market but also in the home.My husband and I share doing housework,cooking,laundry.But i also beleive that different people have thier own belief system on how they operate thier homes.

My hubby always tell me the man should be the one that work outside and support the family only because wives ar esupposed to stay home and take care of the childre and do housestuff which I agree because I think men are supposed to be the leader in the family, making sure everything is okay, nobody is starving in the family, I always think it is what a noaml family should be like but I understand that lots of stuff has changed these days like one income might not be enough for one family so that wife needs to work too even though she just wants to be wife so it is tough for most of people nowadays...

me and my wife works together before and since the time sje got pregnant she stayed mostly at home and decided to be a 24/7 wife and mother. i dont like to contest to that for i like our child to grow more around my wife and its a good chance that a child grows more intelligent when parents have more time to them. now that our child is three my wife is planning to go back to work and we are in the process of taking and talking. of course i wanted her to work thats something she needs to do for herself and of course it will also help me with the expences. i agree with you that the husband needs to make sure that the family is okay sometimes there are just wife who just jumps to the obligation so husbands take a back seat. but there are also wives who put downs suggestions and still let the husbands decide. in our relationship we have an open communiations with it. i still take good care of them for thats what i want it to be but i still listen to what my wife has to say.

the Bible clearly states what is required of the husband & of the wife. in Ephesians 5:25 for husbands to love their wives even as Christ aslo loved the church. think about that, that is awsome. Christ so loved the church that He gave his life for it. read Ephesians 5: 22-33. marriage is symbolic of the church. i know from experience, that if both husband & wife work, they should share the responsibility of the house work & taking care of the children. if the husband does not want to do house work, then he should hire a cleaning woman to come in once a week to clean the home. this takes a tremendous pressure off of the wife & keeps down fights. it is hard when the wife has to work outside of the home because a wonman's work is never done.

gee, your question is tough. but what i do know, based on what is currently happening, is it is the other way around. proof to that are working moms who still do the chores when they get home. but i think, if the other sane, intelligent and whose soul is soon to be blessed more by heaven, sees that he or she can still carry everything on his or her shoulders then that soul should be the one to step up to the plate. i've never heard anything like this situation being talked about cruelly, by fact or bit by bit but i think divorce courts do. and i have the funny feeling that the question on who has a problem with what would be asked and the counter-question on what that soul did to solve this "problem" would affect any settlements entailed by that divorce which would naturally follow.