Why cant people just be honest?

you know my BF has been with her boyfriend going on 10 years and she says she learns new things about him everyday... she also can't understand how I mate my husband 2years ago and we share everything... I mean the deepest secrets... but you know i told her there are somethings I wont share with anyone... until its the right time for me. especially if it has to do with my past. and I feel my husband maybe doing the same thing. and I understand that because some things are not meant to be shared. but within a marrige honesty,and truth are key to everlasting love... and each one should always be truthful especially when it involves another person...

I know someone who's been married for 25 years already. They have a weird marriage and i am definitely sure the husband was not honest with his wife. He kept things with her that shouldn't be kept especially about his family. in my opinion, honesty is not present when the person is not at all pleased with his or her own life. It is like a mask that they put on so that people will treat them the way they wanted to. They keep or hide things that would make them feel inferior. But most of all, they are not honest at all because they feel that they would not be accepted the way they are.

if we want our lifepartner to b honest first we need to be honest................. r u sure u r honest to everyone in th world if not never complain

Thats actually the question in mind as always. In every person i met and even with the people i love. I don;t know why most of us, tells a lie or cant just be honest. Telling a white still a lie. Why not let us tell the truth and let it set you free as always. No matter how bad and hard it is, the important is we say what is real and happening instead of lying and sometimes, just keep it until we die.

Some people find it very difficult to open up even to those who are closest to them. In fact, there are many people who have been together for more than 20 years and still keep secrets from each other. You just have to live with the fact that most people cannot be completely honest to others.

I always believe in the saying, "Honesty is the best policy". Where ever you go and what ever you do, it is always best to be honest. There are times that I can't be honest due to certain circumstances like if I hurt someone or if it would not do good to the person but I realized that whether I keep it to myself or just tell the person, they will still feel the same. The good part is when your honest, all the more they will trust you and believe you. Some people may have a hard time being honest to other people and to themselves maybe because of past experiences or they just have a trouble telling the person. Someone special is like that to me. It is really hard for her to open up to me since she isn't used to it. Inside the family they aren't open to each other so that is why I understood that she isn't open to me. But I'm just being patient and wait till the time she will learn to open up to me. I am not an expert on this but I'm sure there are reasons why people aren't honest. It might take awhile for you to find out the reasons but I hope it isn't that bad. And also, I want you to know that whether its been 12 years or 48 years, you shouldn't stop knowing your partner. I am not married but I do believe that everyday is a process of getting to know the person or your partner. It doesn't have to follow that if you're married you already know everything about your partner.

Good day.. It's hard to be honest because it's hard to be vulnerable. It's not only being honest that's put pressure in a relationship but also the question on how that person would react afterward. When one open up to someone., literally that person would be naked and being vulnerable is something people don't want to feel. We are imperfect creatures and being as such we commit mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. I think that's why we are not programmed to tell everything or being bluntly honest because of that imperfection and also with that imperfection one also doubts that being honest would make that other person fully understand and accept that truth. I think it's not only honesty that's important but also the will to correct that mistake and will do everything on one's part to make the relationship works.

Hi there autemnrose2008 I am sorry to hear that this is an issue for you and your husband. This is some advice I would like to give you maybe you guys can go and take to someone about this so you can open up to each other. I hope that might help and I feel for you.

Hello Autumnrose2008, well from my own experience I won't let anyone get too close to me. I had a bad marriage/relationship with my ex. I now have been with the same man for close to 8 years and am in no way ready to get married again.My feelings had been bruised and battered by someone I thought I could trust. I admit I have trust issues and anyone I would have gotten involved with now understands this.It took me years to admit this to my b/f. Honestly I didn't even want a serious relationship again but since I am in one it did take me 6 years to even say why I didn't want one.I really am glad my b/f has patience with me and knows I will trust him eventually.

Honesty from the start really is best, but for many reasons, some people are not. Perhaps they fear rejection or are hiding secrets about things they've done wrong. Others feel so low about their true self that they make things up, perhaps tell lies that make them look as they wish to be. It hurts, though, to find out someone you thought you knew was faking it. To accept or reject the "real" person that your spouse is, well that is up to you. You can't change the past, though. Best wishes to you and your spouse on sorting out the troubles. Karen

He probably thinks that if he opens up you may not like/love him as you did before. I think you should tell him that you want him to open up to you and when/if he does you should really be positive because the last thing you want is a divorce.

I think people who do this are frightened of intimacy. He/She are scared about how you will react so they wait until you are gone (or almost) to let their feelings out.

I do not believe divorce is inherently the answer. Some people have bad experiences growing up. When this is the case, they have trust issues. Also, aside from that, no one is completely honest. We all have three selves, one for the world to see, another for those closest to us to see, and one more which only you and God (if you subscribe) know about. Ask yourself: Have I really been as honest with him as I think, or have I held things back myself? Have you ever bit back your comments when he did something you didn't like? Have you ever held back your opinion at any time? The fact that he is telling you this now is evidence of him wanting to let you in more. Why don't you see where this takes the two of you?

Greetings Autumn and myLot readers. I will try to speak from a similar position, to that of your husband. Personally I find it very hard to open up to people, to be blunt it is low self confidence and trust issues. For me, I feel it had a lot to do with my developmental years(teens). I had a very distant(figuratively speaking) direct family, so finding people who were truly interested in ME was quite difficult. As time passed, my feelings and issues became an irrelevant manner. My personality suffered, I went from being a semi-outgoing, outspoken child onto a quiet, shy young adult, lacking confidence. A barrier developed between who people know me as, and who I actually am. The barrier still exists today and continues to grow. No one I know has a clue, and it will probably stay that way for some time. Anyhow, I hope the whole "Barrier" approach helped you get a feel for what your husband is and has gone through. As for "having a hard time", push through. He spent 14 years being someone else, just to keep you happy. So if you ask me, that is genuine love. Good luck!

My most recent relationship has been with a man that lies at every turn (I know this now). Every time he gets caught in a lie, he swears he's going to stop... and then he lies again. I can't be with someone who isn't honest, I just can't. We've gone over and over the reasons why he lies. It's literally his first instinct. Even if it's not a problematic situation or no one is upset with him, he will respond to any direct questioning with a lie. He told me once that he thinks he lies because that way, he "won't get in trouble" or he will "have time to think about what he really wanted to say." Here's an example -- one day, I discovered some personal items from my dresser drawer were left on top of the dresser. I knew I hadn't placed them there. So, in a phone conversation, I mentioned it to him and said "do you have any idea how they got there???" and he said he had "no clue." I couldn't imagine one of my daughters going into my dresser (they are older teens and really don't go in the room for any reason). When he got home, it was still bothering me and I said again, "I must be losing my mind but I don't know how those things got there." At that point, he admitted to me that he had been rifling through my drawer (I won't say why -- that's a whole other can of worms that has nothing to do with your discussion) and left those items out by accident. He let me go all day wondering what the heck was going on when he knew, right from my first question, that he was the one that left them there. Just a simple question and he couldn't be honest upfront. I agree that it's very hard to believe you ever truly know someone who is a habitual liar or one who "lies by omission," even for the most minute things.

Usually in the begining people don't let people in on everything but I am not sure why after 14yrs he wouldn't be honest. I have found out in my personal experience that the more I opened up in the begining I usually end up losing the person. I try not to get to close to the person until I know it is sometheing serious. Your husband could of went through something when he was yougner and has a trust issue and just never spoke about it. Sometimes counseling works try that.

Why cant people just be honest?.. because of love mam.(period)

Hi there Autumnrose2008! Good day to you. Well I think people sometimes lies because they do not want to say the truth which can hurt the people they love. But why do something that can hurt your loved ones in the first place right? For me, honestly also can show your love to others but they are afraid that their loved ones would get hurt if they say the truth. Being honest is not that easy Autumnorose2008, if hurting people is at stake.

In fact, your husband, but also such a lovem and you certainly do not need you before the first is love you.

JUST let yur husband do what he want it.If he still let u in,u got through his heart.do the best way u can,dont pretend u likehem.Be yurself,and make yur husband him self.Be creative.go everywhere he want to go.follow him.take what he love to take,good thing only.Like what his love to like.Be dress,get smart,Learn him,dont u ever toucher his heart.take back yur love from him.Do u love cooking?This is the best way.