you're old. should you give your boyfriend a deadline?

Hi teach....Apparently I have an on and off status in myLot. Good that I caught your discussion. Well for a conservative place like Philippines, isn't it a bit off for a girl to propose? Just thinking.... But in case she does and the guy refuses, I think it is bothersome! In my case though, the desire to settle down is something mutual. However, we both realized that even if we are ready in most aspects, financially it's impossible. Both of us don't have stable jobs. In fact, I am working now without earning. I mean practically speaking, we are not ready. We hate giving ourselves deadline because that's putting ourselves in unnecessary pressure. But in case he does give me a deadline, well maybe I will work on it. You know that syndrome where if it weren't for deadlines, we won't take any actions.

I think you should definitely talk about it - bring it up if you must. Men are scaredy cats these days - you bringing it up will make him think twice about his commitment to you. I've read through here that you're from the Philippines and since it's more conservative that it's not the woman's place to bring up marriage. But we're in the 21st century now- if he ain't gonna marry you - i think maybe it's time to call it quits? When I realized that I'm becoming more serious with my bf - I told him that I'm starting to feel that way, and I do eventually want to get married. If he doesn't want to get married at some point in time - then we don't have the same goals and it's time to call it quits (at that point). Suffice it to say we're still together. ;-) HOWEVER - to each his/her own - do what makes you comfortable. Definitely think about it and think about the steps that you're gonna take to bring it up, without scaring him away. Good luck. P.S. I'm pinay too. But I live in Cali - lived most of my teen years here. Partly grew up in the Philippines though - left when I was about 10.

If he really loved you to the extent of making a commitment, he would have done so by now. If he hasnt made the first move, then he's not likely to say "yes" when you ask him. And even if he does by any chance, the odds of it going smooth between you both are quite low since man, by nature, generally prefers to make the first move when it comes to commitments. Maybe you could just mention that a lot of people are getting married and move on to general marriage topics casually. See how he reacts and then decide whether to pop the question.

I dont think I could give my boyfriend a deadline. I mean I would think that would put too much pressure on him and he may feel forced or something. I love my boyfriend and I do want to get married, but I am not going to give him a deadline and make him feel pressured into it.

Yes, you really have to give ultimatum to a boyfriend who are not yet ready to get married. It is really important to women to get married before the age of 40 and if the boyfriend don't consider it, I guess he is not so serious about the relationship. It is better to end this kind of relationship.

Whoa! Whats the problem? I mean you should ask him why he says no. If there is a valid reason for his answer, at least you both need to mutually discuss and arrive upon a certain date when you would like to get married. If he does not bother to give a proper reason, then surely theres something wrong, I hope I am wrong!

Well, for me won't ask my boyfriend that I want to get married already especially if I can sense that he is not yet ready. And besides, I want him to propose with his own will and not because I had told him. Its not good to ask him to marry me because its suppose to be the guy doing. Of course, I'm not saying that you shouldn't mention it to him. Well, as what you've said above that you both love each other forever then I think he won't say "NO" as an answer unless if you're not sure that he really loves you or if he isn't ready yet. Don't be afraid to hear the answer of your boyfriend because this will only mean something. No matter what will be his answer, you must be ready and willing to accept it. Most of all, your relationship with each other won't change.

i think you need to mention it if it's important to you. if he says no that's tricky but if marriage is really important to you then perhaps you'll need to think about the relationship. when i was younger he wanted kids and i didn't, at the time, the relationship was good but ended because we wanted different things.