Hubby And I Saw Something Horrible Yesterday
By CatsandDogs
@CatsandDogs (13963)
United States
June 3, 2009 12:55pm CST
and we didn't know what to do!! We were on our way to the hospital to be with mom before she was to have her surgery and this car came onto the road that we were traveling on (in town) and the man was driving like an idiot and was very angry at the passenger that he hit her really hard a few times then grabbed her hair and shook her hard!! He swerved into our lane and then back into his, then made a quick turn all the while screaming his head off at the girl. When we passed them, the girl was obviously crying. I was so torn in whether to follow them and take their tag number down and call 911 and keep following the car until the police got there or to get to the hospital to be with my mom because she was so terrified of her surgery because she thought she wouldn't wake up from the anesthesia because of having a stroke a year before. So I opted to go be with my mom in hopes that someone will report this low life scum bag! Now I'm feeling so guilty for doing that instead of following that deg gone car. I don't know if it was a child or his wife but it doesn't matter really because abuse is abuse but a wife can get away however, a child can not. I mean, what had I followed that car and mom had died? Oh God, I don't even want to go there! But mom did survive just as I believed she would but her fear is what drove me to keep going to get to her. When we got there, we had maybe 5 minutes before they took her to the operating room.
What would you have done? Please don't tell me hind sight is 20/20 because I'm not a psychic and even so, mom's fear is what drove me on to be with her. I'm having to live with this guilt of wondering if I did the right thing.
5 people like this
17 responses
@mrsctb7 (120)
• United States
29 Aug 09
This is such a tough choice! Since I was sexually abused for many years as a child, then lived with flash-backs until I was oh, about 37, if would have been a easy choice for me. Even though I do not have a cell phone, I'd have slowed just a big to get the license plate #, make and model of the car, then I'd pull over and call 911. Then, I'd go to the hospital, knowing the car and young girl would be attended to. And, of course, I'd be praying the whole time! I'm a prayer intercessor, so I'll add this to my daily prayers.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I was molested too as a child from the age of 8 till I was 16 and it was by a number of men. It took me years to get past it to where I could function in my daily life. But in my case, I got to the hospital just in time before they took my mom to surgery so in essence, I'm glad I didn't take the time to get the information for I would've missed my mom going into surgery for they took her right after I got there. I did pray though. I prayed with all I had that that girl was safely taken home or the police were called by someone else.
1 person likes this
@mrsctb7 (120)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I just voted too! I lost both my parents just 4 days apart, when I was 28. I was not in the position (financially) to help them, but I tried my best. That was because they gave their all to give me a proper life. I just would give anything to have them just one more day! So, that being said, enjoy the times you have with them, even if it can be a "pain", because now it's your job to make their life easier, ok? (Any just know that this is now coming from a 51 year old lady who's learned many things since losing her parents at a pretty young age.)
About the flash-backs, I ended up losing my job, applying for disability (I have Multiple Sclerosis), losing my apartment, and begging my Lord to take them away, and in 24 hours, He did! What a relief, because I just never knew when one of them would flood me, and take me by surprise.
Anyway, just do what you can, and remember that your parents (unless they were downright rotten people) deserve whateer you can do for them. Plus, pray for them lots!
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
4 Jun 09
I don't think it's your fault at all. It was very bad of that man to do that to the girl. It happened so fast and you were rushing to get to your mom. You are a good person. I'm sure you have your reasons there valid. As for that lowlife person, I hope he will rot in jail for bashing up the poor girl. I'm so against violence especially when men hit women.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
7 Jun 09
zed, you are very very kind and I thank you so much for your encouraging words!! I really do appreciate it!!
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
5 Jun 09
I see your dilemma there. And if you ask me, I'd like to comment that your mom is so lucky to have you as a daughter and she knows this, I'm sure. She is very traumatic of what the medicine can do to her; she's scared that she'll not be able to see her loves ones, especially you anymore. I know how she must have felt, I've lost my love one before and it was a very painful process.
Eventually, all of us will go, but if only we can stop the clock from taking our love ones, or perhaps we can stop fate. But that is inevitable. You are there for your mom when she needs you the most and you have helped the process to be less painful for her. For that, you are such a good daughter and I'm sure you will have a blessed life. Trust me. At times when I don't have any solutions to life's problems, especially when it concerns my love ones, I would just tell myself that I won't solve it, but I'll just be there for them.
So you have done the best that you can; by being there for your mom. Just be there for her when she needs you and you have done it by proving you are there just in the nick of time before she went in that day. As for the girl, deep down it's the heart that matters. If I dare to say this, you have gained lots of plus points just wishing the girl the best. If she knows your situation, she would have rushed you to your mom too. To make you feel better, tell yourself that the next time that guy bashes someone up again, you will not give a chance this time and will report him straight. Take care, my friend..
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
4 Jun 09
What a horrible thing to see. I hope the girl is ok. If its his wife, she should wait until he is sleeping then wake him up as she hits him in the head with a baseball bat, or something similar. Cats I can understand why you would feel guilty, but in truth you had to go to the hospital, your mom needed you. And also like you said, if something would have gone wrong, you would have to live with that. That would have been beyond horrible for you not to see your mom before something happened, Thank God it went well.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Sometimes I wonder if I'm put on this earth to be tormented!! You said it exactly how I felt, mom or this gal, mom or this gal, well I choose my mom because it would've taken time for me to find paper and a pen to get all the information down and I just didn't have the time to do it and the fact that she was taken from the room not even 5 minutes after we got there, I'm so glad I choose my mom and it did turn out ok. After mom was home, she called me a few hours later to tell me thank you for being there for her in her time of need and it shows her how much she's loved. I told her Of course we love you! And hell yeah I'm going to be there in her time of need but she's very welcome. So that said, makes me even more happy that I was there but still, guilt has a way of coming into my heart over that girl. I wish the situation with me wasn't so dire or I would've helped her and I hope that someone else saw what we saw and reported the low life scum bag!! I'm with you Polly!! LOL She should wait til he's asleep and wake him up and take a baseball bat to his head a few times!! That'll serve him just right!! LOL
1 person likes this
@nancyrowina (3850)
•
4 Jun 09
I would have reported the car as as it sounds like he could have caused an accident with his driving let alone the abuse you witnessed. I don't blame you for not following the car in the situation you were in, and if he was driving that badly he did probably get reported by someone else anyway so don't cut yourself up. It might still be worth calling the local police and asking if anyone was arrested driving the car (just the colour and model should be enough for them to tell you) and letting them know you saw him beating his passenger, it may help later in court if the case does go that far.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
7 Jun 09
Exactly. I didn't know how much time I had so I opted to go to the hospital but even still, I feel guilty for not being able to help the girl. All I can do now is hope and pray that someone else saw what we saw and turned his butt in and that he's put in jail where the dirt bag belongs.
2 people like this
@mrakobesie (1246)
• United States
14 Jul 09
I think i'd get a plate number and reported it once i'd get to the hospital. i wouldn't folow them for long though, when people are in that state of mind and driving you never know what they can do to you if they see you following them... if i couldn't see the plate number, then i'd call 911 right away and describe the car as well as in what direction it went. this way there is at least a chance that the monster gets caught.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I wish I had a good memory or I would've gotten the license plate and reported it but I was in such a frantic state of mind to get to the hospital in time before my mom was wheeled out. She was soooo scared that she wouldn't wake up so I had to be there for her. What a position to be put in though! I hope the girl found safety and someone else saw what we saw and reported the dirt bag.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
3 Jun 09
That is horrible, I hope the woman is alright. It was a hard choice to make. I do think I would have at called 911 and gave them a discription of the car. At least they could have looked for it. You had a lot on your plate at the time, and cannot beat yourself up over it.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I know and have been wondering the same thing, is she alright and so on. I so wanted to get involved and follow that danged car but my mom came first and foremost at the time and am sort of glad I went to her instead or we would've missed her going in. She was taken from the room not even 5 minutes after we got there. Had I followed the car, we wouldn't have made it in time. I hope this scum bag gets his and does get caught and that the girl, who ever she is, gets away from him. How low can a man go when it comes to hitting a woman? I've been in the same situation too but I got out of it before he killed me. I can only hope for the same for her.
@GardenGerty (160626)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I guess I would have gone kind of middle of the road. I would have tried to get the make, model and tags of the vehicle, called 911, given the direction of travel, then I would have gone on to be with my mom.
1 person likes this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 Jun 09
Sweetie you did what your heart was telling you to do and that was to be with your mom...Blood is thicker then water...I know you are feeling bad for the girl in the other car you just have to think that there will come a time when that man will get what is coming to him...and as for the girl or women I will pray that she finds a way to get out of the stuff she is dealing with..maybe someone else seen them and made the call you wanted to and she is ok...things like this we will never know but you made the right choice hun...your mom should come first.
1 person likes this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 Jun 09
you did make the right choice hun..I also have been in them shoes, 10 years being beat on from my first husband..I think that someone will see what that guy is doing and like I said in time he will get his...dont feel bad hun it was one of them choices we have to make at times.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Jun 09
If I had've stuck around to get the information that I needed to report him, I'd have missed seeing mom before they took her into surgery, they took her about 5 minutes after we got there, so for that reason I'm very glad that I didn't stick around but then again, that girl needed help and for that, I feel terrible! I've been in that girls shoes and it's not walk in the park but I did get away. I just hope that girl does the same thing or that someone had turned his ugly @ss in because he's done it once, he'll do it again but I hope he doesn't kill her or anyone else before he does get turned in.
After mom got home and rested a few hours, we all rested a few hours and she calls me to tell me thank you for being there at her time of need for she really appreciated that because she really knows she's loved. I told her to hush hush because of course I love her but there's no need to be thanking me or hubby because of course we care and love her!! Now because we made it just in the nick of time, I'm even more glad that we didn't stick around or follow that car.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
4 Jun 09
CATS, u are a worry wart just like me. i would have done the same thing u did & then i would have worried about it just like you but your mom needed u!! If heaven forbid something had happened to your mom u would never have forgiven yourself for not being there. That was a horrible thing to see. i hope they do get the scumbag that was doing it. Y OU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION, THE only decision u could make at the time. TAKE CARE.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Jun 09
THANK YOU ANTIQUELADY!! That's exactly what was going through my mind!! And then getting there just merely 5 minutes before they took her from her room and down to the OR. I mean literally 5 minutes!! Had I stuck around and gotten the tag number after digging for a piece of paper and a pen, I would've missed seeing my mom. Thanks for telling me that, it does make me feel a little bit better but I do hope I so hope that someone saw what we saw and reported him!!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I HOPE THEY REPORTED HIM & SOMEBODY SLAPPED HIM up side the head. U did what u had to do.
@mjmlagat (3170)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
I believe you have made the right decision although it would be inevitable to feel the guilt having seen the scenario. I just hope that low-life idiot would pay sooner of his actions, I hope the girls is courageous enough to report him to the authorities.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Jun 09
Thanks for telling me that, I was really starting to question myself because I've been there at one point in my life and no one came to my aid but dang, what a position to be put in, help this girl or go be with my mom at her time of need so I choose my mom in hopes that someone else would get involved or at least call the police. I can only hope and boy do I hope!!
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
4 Jun 09
You could have taken down the number plate, called 911 etc. You know all that stuff; you know what you may have been able to do. The fact is you didn’t because you were in a stressful situation taking care of your mum who sounds as though she was very distressed. You are only human Cats and you were dealing with a lot at that moment. What was cannot be undone so I think you should not beat yourself up about this and look at the good you have done for your mother. You’re a good person; don’t waste your time feeling guilty! I tend to believe that Karma will take care of the scum bag in that car!
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I should've done that but I didn't have a pen and paper ready to get it and it all happened so quickly. It was either be there for my mom or get the tag number by following that car and I choose my mom. My mind was so scattered as it was so I knew I wouldn't be able to remember the tag number to give to the police so I had to let it go but being that I had to choose, it was hard to do but my mom came first and I think of "What if she didn't make it through the surgery?" then I'd have felt even worse. I do pray that someone did see it like we did and reported his @ss because he needs to be put in jail for a long long time and needs anger management as well. I can only hope and hope that the girl is ok.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
5 Jun 09
Don't feel bad you're a lovely person, I pray he'll get what he deserves too and the girl is OK. Take care.
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
4 Jun 09
The only option you really had would have been to try to get the plate number, a description of the car, and note which direction the car was headed. With that information, you could have called 911 and there is a possiblity that they could have found the car.
Don't be too hard on yourself though. Your Mom needed you too, and I can't say that I would have done any different. Chances are that you were in such a hurry to get to your Mom that you didn't have time to think of an alternative way to try to help. It happens.
Let's just hope that someone else also saw what you did and was able to make the call.
Did you do the right thing? I think that you did. You knew that your Mom was terrified and that she really needed you to be there to help alleviate her fears. You did exactly what most loving children would do, you were there for your Mom when she needed you.
If you can remember anything about that car or the people in it, I mean enough to give a fairly good description to the police, you can still call and make them aware of the problem if nothing else. I bet that they would look for the car, and maybe even find it.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Jun 09
Thank you!! Gosh, I'm really beating myself up over it even more now because so many others are saying that I should've called 911 but if they were in my shoes then they might have said differently. I'm the only family nearby besides my dad and I'm their only daughter so mom really needed me so she was my main focus although I did want to help this girl, his daughter or wife, but I just didn't have the time and now it's eating me up because I've been in that very same situation that that girl was in and nobody came to my aid. The last time this one boyfriend beat me so bad that he nearly killed me and I screamed for help but no body came so I'm remembering that but at the time all I could think about is getting to my mom to be with her. I got there just in time, like 5 minutes before they took her out of the room down to the OR. Had I stuck around and tried to get that license plate then I would not have made it in time before she was taken. After her surgery and she's home resting, she calls me and tells me thank you for being there for her in her time of great need and that she really appreciated that because it shows how much I loved her. That meant A LOT to me and now I'm glad that I did make it in time but at the expense of this poor gal though.... sheesh, I can't win, can I?
@thenextnoel (396)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
That was a decision in which both had unfavorable outcomes (following the car and leaving your mom or going to your mom and letting the jerk get away) so the only right thing to do in that situation was make a decision no matter which of the two. You're the only one who could really understand the entire situation because we were not there. You decided to go to your mom because that was what felt like the right thing to do at that time. It's ok to stand by your choice because you did what you felt was right.
Furthermore, you are not responsible for the actions of the other person. You may have had the chance to intervene but the situation did not call for it at the time. I'm sure you would have done it had there not been an emergency with your mom.
The situation required a choice and you made it. Hold your head up high because there's no shame in what you did.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
31 Aug 09
PERSONALLY, I would have followed the car. While your mother was in the best of hands, the girl in the car obviously was not, and I would have gone to her aid. If my mother were in the hospital, she would have understand, and if I were in your mother's position, I would have understood too.
@RetiredArmyMan (74)
• United States
31 Aug 09
She did the right thing by getting there in time to be with her mother. Her mother was crying because she was so scared that she would not wake up. Maybe someone else saw it and reported him but mothers in dire need of their daughters in a time like this, is far more important.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
5 Mar 10
I can understand you feeling guilty but you needed to be somewhere hun I would try not to even tho sometimes easier said then done......Take Care and glad to hear that your Mom did well...
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I would of got the tag number and called the police. I hear of things like this all the time. Abuse can lead to something real bad if not stopped. I am a victim of all types of abuse and I wouldnt wish it on anyone else.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
3 Jun 09
You know, I agree but in the frame of mind that I was in, I couldn't think straight and all I knew was getting to my mother in her time of need. Now that the surgery is over with and a day has gone by, I wish I had gotten his tag number so I could report it. I've been in really abusive situations too and never wished it on anybody but sometimes, the bystanders aren't in their right minds either. Not saying that they're abusive or they agree with it but depending on what's going on with them in their daily lives determines their frame of mind.
