Giving in to Marriage

i believe u r afraid to get settled down in new life n taking another risk ... u r still shocked from ur past experiences ... our prayers r wid u that u get settled down in watever way is better for u ... married or unmarried ! May God bless u !

Divorces are never easy.It takes a lot of time for the wounds to heal and to start living a life realizing that you are an individual and not just a part of a "couple". You are not selfish.I believe you do have some deep rooted fears. All of us want to share our lives with someone we love.That one person who knows the smallest,craziest detail about us that no one else could or should possibly know.:) I believe you are still having issues moving on. You are in love with the idea of moving on but are afraid of failure. I just hope you remember, 100 failed relations are worth it if the relation number 101 is the right one. :) I hope I don't sound too crazy, just trying to help :) God bless you!

I'm right there with you. I didn't get married until I was in my 30s and hated every minute of it. People say it was who I married but the thought of marrying anyone makes me feel much the way you do. I'm set in my ways. I can be flexible for my kids but a man? No way!

Ehh. Sorry. I am the same way. If you find somone to help you send them my way.. Well Actually I don't have a problem with the word, I just worry that if I get married I'll get devoriced.. Ehh. Anyone that can help sent a post my way.. Thanks..

Don't give yourself a hard time. I know sometimes living with someone is not easy but there are some things that we have to accept because they are what they are. One thing I can assure you...marriage is not always fun. But if you learn how to make things easy and compromise, everything will be smooth as silk.

NO, you're NOT selfish!!! My guess is he hurt you real bad & you're just protecting yourself from being hurt again!!! I was married to a man who beat me almost daily for 3 years. Then he got himself a girlfriend & flaunted her in front of me frequently. By the time I became brave enough to leave, I was an emotional mess. I became a very strong woman who took NO chit off no one!!! With any new guy...at the least little problem, I was in his face with both feet. I became very much "it's MY way or the highway" type of girl. I was so strict with my emotions, it was difficult for anybody to get past my tough exterior. Then I would sit & cry because I couldn't find someone to love me. This went on for 30 years until I met a man on the net & fell in love. We both were smart enough to worry about it being a scam of some sort so we kept it on the net. We chatted for about 3 years & finally decided no matter which way it went we wanted to meet each other. It was only 3 weeks after meeting face to face that we got married. My boss said it worked simply because we learned each other from the inside out before meeting. It took me until I was 53 to find a man with the temperament to make me feel safe. With him, I dropped ALL my emotional baggage. Suddenly I found it comforting to have someone sleeping with me every night!!! I began to look forward to coming home from work instead of looking for some place to go first. My heart opened so wide I began to NEED him in my life. Maybe you just haven't met your soulmate yet. When you do, NONE of those excuses will matter any longer!!! You will welcome him with open arms!!!

I am not a married man.lol!! still a student but i would like to say something on this topic. I understand your feelings very well. As you said you are divorced for about 9 years, I think that what is the problem. There is nothing wrong with you. You are alright. Sleeping alone for 9 years and then suddenly sharing your space with someone it is really little problematic but only for few days or months i suppose... I think you should really find such a guy who understands your this problem and try the live in relationship first and when you overcome this problem you can marry him. If I said anything wrong then please forgive me. But I would really like to hear from you. So do reply. And thanks for sharing your problem. God bless you and take care.

I think that it is a combination of both being afraid of marriage and also not wanting to share your space. Maybe, it is simply that you haven't found the right person yet. You said that you have been divorced for 9 years, that is quite a long time to be sleeping alone each night after being used to sharing your bed. Not to mention, you have spent 9 years making your home your own personal comfort zone. To put it bluntly, you have become comfortable with your own routine and are not ready to have it altered or your comfort zone invaded by another person or their things. I went through the same thing after my divorce until I found the right man. No, I can't imagine ever sleeping alone again and when he has to be gone for even a few days, I miss him horribly. In all honesty, I really do believe that this is an issue that will resolve itself in time, when you find the right person to spend your life with. Hang in there. You don't have to go out and look for the right one, but keep an open mind and trust yourself. if it feels right, and you are comfortable with that person, take it to the next level slowly, and only when you are comfortable with the idea. Start by maybe staying there a night at first, and then try it at your place. Or, spend an entire day at one house or another together just to get used to each other's company in a home-type settign. Don't rush yourself though, it takes time.

I guess you have a phobia of marrying again. You are afraid to take the risk or consequence if you get married again. You can't blame yourself maybe your married life before influence your mind right now not to marry again so that you will not experience some bad things that were happened before. You're not selfish, maybe there's a bad marked on your mind about the word marriage.

Why do we marry? Firstly: For security and secondly to be love and love someone. So one may think that if he/she can provide his/her own security and love and be loved by everyone so what is the use of marriage! So this is a first reason why people are reluctant to get married. Secondly : If someone has already been married and going under all the experiences then he/she might find that it was better to be single and when they turn single, they take time to figure out if they should remarry or not! You are not having a phobia of marriage but you are simply having many thoughs in your mind whether to allow someone again in your life or not. You are not selfish because you have a right to think and when you think there are sometimes no barriers so don't worry dear everything will be back to normal. My sister was in a similar situation and finally she married when she felt that she can do it again and this time she was right. So you just have to give yourself some time to figure everything out and then you are back to normal again. All the best dear.

Hey that is really strange.......but i feel you need to change your thoughts for a while sometimes excessive thinking about a particular topic can also get you in trouble, like thinking about marriage or thinking that you are phobic to it can actually make you phobic even if you are not......so i feel that change in the thought process is very important to get things right.....try taking up a hobby, try dating women who share the same interests or hobbies like yours, don't get into marriage for a while, just be her good companion and have a nice time, rest everything will be good.......

Indeed you are traumatized with the idea of sharing your space with somebody. It is nothing new when you have already been divorced. I am sorry to hear that you have been divorced and have not gotten married during the nine years. I believe you have not met the right person thus you are still hesitating to share bits and pieces that makes you whole. For me, I have put my relationship with God first and everything followed. Trust, faith, good communication and God with you, nothing will go wrong. Hope that helps!

I think it is the bad experience of your first marriage that causes this fear of living with someone again. It's like getting in a major car accident would make you scared of driving again. Also, do you have any insecurities that may make you not want someone living so close to you? If that is the case don't worry, people will accept you for who you are. Just remember that not all people are the same and that just because your first marriage didn't work out doesn't mean that finding someone else will also not work out. I pray that you find the right person for you and you live a long and happy life with them! :)

I do not think your are selfish.As far as I know,many people have marriage problem. I am not so sure that you have a phobia of marriage because I am not a therapist. Have you ever considered about the assistance of an professional therapist?

I think you have not met that person who is your lover.