what is your opinion of putting parents in elderly shelters???

I would do whatever I could to take care of my mother. I think the only way I'd agree to a nursing home (just our name for it) is if I wasn't able to giver her the medical care she needed. I'd still go and make sure she was properly taken care of and give her the companionship she needed though. I don't like seeing people just left alone like that. I've worked in an elderly home care service and it's sad to see how alone some of them are. I can't answer about my father. I haven't seen him since I was 15. He was a bad man and an abuser. I think I could forgive him in the long run, but he's never taken responsibility for his actions. I do hope he faces his wrongs someday, maybe then I could forgive him.

I don't really deserting my parents in their old age. They will need your mental and physical support. If a person is not able to make some time for his/her parents then theyshould hire a caregiver than spending money on elderly shelters. At the same time elderly people should also understand the problems about thier sons and daughter and try to be more understaning to make life easier for noth :)

It depends on the situation entirely. Our parents no doubt give everything for our upbringing and they expect us to have good career and settle down well in life. In today's time, this means that few children can actually afford to stay with their parents or visit them regularly. In such cases, specially when the parents are old and infirm, it makes more sense to enron them in a good old age home than leave them alone with hired help (most of whom are not trustworthy any more). If the children give up their jobs and career to take care of the parent, I dont think that will be justice to the parent's effort in bringing up the children. What matters is good 24hr care in old age. There are many old age homes were the facilites are excellent, from 24hr doctor to companions, nutritutous food, various activities and such...but they are expensive, so the children should spend the money so that their parents are not neglected. It is much better than leaving your aged parent at home alone and worrying over it. In other case, however, when the children can stay with the parents...they should not send the parents to old age home just for their own convenience. In my case, I stay nearby to my parents and though they are quite active as of now, I would never send them to any home as long as I can take care of them.

There is no doubt that I am against it. I think it is the responsibility of kids to take care of their parents because the parents took care of the kids when they were young. But, the situation matters. I don't know whether I will be able to take care of my parents because I live in a city far away from my parent's house and I can't shift to my parent's place becaue of my job. If I have a chance I would like to take care of my parents as well as my inlaws.

I guess some people do it because it can be practical to have your parents live in a retirement home. They will have round the clock care above all (if you get to choose a good retirement home). I would personally not go for leaving my parents in a retirement home, even if I have nothing against people who do. I have discussed this with my fiance that whatever happens, I would take care of my parents when they are no longer able to take care of themselves and he has consented to this and said we could have my parents in our house when the time comes. I agree with you when you said that our parents gave us everything and the least we could do is return part of the favor when they become too old to fend for themselves.

I am from the Philippines and we are a closely knit family. Personally, I would not want my parents to be put in Home for the Aged. I would want to personally take care of them since it would be my way of thanking them for all they have done to me from the time I was born until today. I have worked before in Home for the Aged and had talked to some parents. Surprisingly, some of them would want to be there because they don't want to be a burden to their kids and they enjoy a nice time with the other elders. It would be nice to know that we will be there for them in time when they need us while they are still here with us.

Because sometimes to put your parents into an old people’s home is the only viable choice. I know this situation, my wife’s father, in his nineties, is trying to take care of his wife, herself in the mid-eighties, who is getting more and more senile by the day. Apart from that, his other daughter lives with them and her three teenage children – and the house is just a mess. Tensions all over the place, because grandad expects those teenagers to care for their grandmother. They’ve got better things to do, I guess. Money is not the problem, just the stubbornness of the old guy, and everybody is suffering. Put that lady into a home for the ederly, let experts deal with her confusions and tantrums, and give that family some peace.

No I would never do that for my parents , they took care of me when I was unable to clean myself , shouldn't I pay their favour back ?! I will always love them , respect them , and take care of them .. all this would not be 1% of what they gave to me

I must confess that this is a hard question. Often times I'm being ideal, and of course considering the years my mother have spent in rearing us to be better persons it's natural for me to bring back the love she had for us in return. However, sometimes when I picture that happening, I think it would be more practical if you bring your parents to someone more expert than you do. Of course I will still guide her and be with her and I'll take responsibility for her no matter what but I think there are many alternative ways than putting her to the elderly shelters so I guess just bringing her to the experts would be the best way. I love my mother so much so I'd rather take the responsibility to her than to just leave her in these places it will just make her sad.. Everything that will make my mom happy I will do it to her I respect and love her so much that's why I'll never feel her neglected..

I think it's a complicated situation. I myself watched my mother die from cancer in about six months, when I was 15. So here this wasn't an issue. My father was chronically ill with what is call COPD or chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder. This condition happens when the lungs basically function worse and worse over time until the patient basically can't take in enough oxygen to survive. Fortunately, my brother and I were able to arrange our work schedules so that we were able to care for my father during that last months of his life at home. One of us were always there. I think if you can take care of your parents when they are older then this is your responsibility. But, when they are sick, or their mental faculties are failing, their well being has to be first. And to be honest, sometimes a loved one cannot give the best care to an ailing parent. If the parents safety and well being is better served in a nursing facility, then that must be considered. The other thing that you didn't recognize is the fact that many times, adults with ailing parents, have children of their own. This just complicates thing further and also must be taken into consideration. This situation is very complicated and doesn't necessarily boil down to, well my parents took care of me so I should take care of them. What is best for our parents safety and health, what our parents want(I have met many sick elderly people that do not want to be a burden on their children), as well as our own families, has to be a part of the decision.

Nice that you brought such an important emotional topic to light! I once visited a local old-age home, called 'Vridhhashram' here in India. It was around 2005 and till today I haven't mustered enough courage to repeat a visit to any elderly shelter. Believe me, it was the most horrible experience of my life. All bitter cries, some cursing their sons and daughters in law, some cursing the so-called almighty, some their own so-called fortune and so on. All the tales were quite similar. The cute little son, when he gets into the wedding locks, he follows his evil wife religiously. And the rest as they say is history. So I can't help blaming the sons for the plight of their parents. How did nature's production go so awry that it could be so ungrateful to the very parents which showed it the light? IMO, the western cultures, with all due respect to them have a big hand at this. I'm very sorry to say this. But another perspective also says that most of these 'sons' have seen their own parents (now in elderly homes) perform similar acts to their own parents. So, history repeats itself! But sadly then there would be no end to this idiocity!

I would consider those type of child as the most ungrateful person on earth and the sin that they commint by not being grateful to what they have got from their family is the greatest sin that even god would not forgive. Animals and humans are distinguished with the thinking sense they have but those kind of humans are worst than animals, I wouls say a devil. Thanusha

This is some what of a hard question. I work in a hospital setting so I see elderly people everyday who have alzheimers or are not able to take care of them selves. They can get combative ill tempered and can not be reasoned with. We as children of the elderly may give it our best shot to try to take care of them but in the end it wears us down and we are not able to handle the situation. When an elderly parent does not sleep at night wonders around or even is not able to move around it eventually will take a toll on the care giver. The best places that I see for help with this situation is the new assisted living placments that are popping up. They have apartments for the elderly a home that is theirs with a care giver nurse available to help them. I do not like nursing homes! there is never enough help and the elderly are not treated as well because of lack of aide help. They should be paying these aides much more money plus there needs to be more help in these types of settings. And yes everything that you have said is true if everyone took care of their elderly parents there would not be any use nursing homes or assisted living. But in reality these places are needed.

That is not a good choice to put parents in elderly shelters.They may feel lonely without their children beside them.

Putting your parents in elderly shelters is like showing them your lack of gratitude of what they gave you - their time, their love. I could never do this to my parents, I love them too much. They sacrifice themselves for my happiness so how could I abandon them in the time they need me the most? But sometimes we can't take care of our parents, because they're too sick and they need professional care. In those cases we have no choice, we have to put them in elderly shelters, for their good.

Putting your parents in elderly shelters is like showing them your lack of gratitude of all those years they spend on raising you. I could never done this to my parents, I love them too much. They sacrifice themselves for my happiness so how could I abandom them in the time they need me the most?

Hii, Yes you are right. I really feel sad when i hear such news. It's like why don't they understand that what they do to their parents, their chidrens may also do the same afterall this is what they see and learn. Well i love my parents very much and will never do such things.