urgent:please help me and give me advices!!!
By april_02
@april_02 (82)
Philippines
June 9, 2009 9:23am CST
I met this guy from work.. I have learned since last year that he had a crush on me. He started texting me early last year, but I just ignored him. But in the month of February this year, he started texting me again and finally courted me.. He would fetch me from work & we had consistent communication through calls and texts. Then for three months he courted me & we started going out on dates.. And I have fallen in love with him until now. But one day on the first week of May I was shocked with what I found out about him.. A girl texted me and said that she is the grilfriend of this guy, and they are already in the relationship for two years, and she is pregnant, and they are planning to get married this may or june.. I didn't know what to do & what to feel by that time. I am so much devastated until now!!AND THE BAD THING IS THAT HE IS MY FIRST LOVE!! HE WAS THE FIRST GUY THAT I HAVE INTENDED TO BE MY BOYFRIEND.. I have talked to this guy that I have fallen in love with and he said that he intends to tell me the whole truth in one of our dates even before his girlfiend texted me. I told him not to text or call me until he decides if he would choose his girlriend and get married, or choose me.. But he told me not to close everything for him and that I will still be there for him, and that I will not change despite everything that I found out.. We are still in touch now through texts, and it sucks to see him at work, because of the pain that I feel deep inside me..I am trying to pretend that I'm ok, but sometimes I burst out into tears!! When I asked him lately about his decision, he told me that he doesn't want the marriage to be pursued, but he cannot do anything because his girlfriend is pregnant, and her parents wanted her to marry him... He doesn't tell me about his decision.. But his sweetness has now diminished.. He doesn't fetch me anymore.. but he still consistently text and call me and tell me that he misses me. He is still standing in our gate at work, and watches over me before I go out during our dismissal time.. He is still consisitent in texting me. In our work, no one knows (except for his closest friends) that he has a girlfriend, that he is getting married.. he warned me not to tell anyone about his girlfriend, and that she's pregnant.. if the marriage will be pursued, he wanted it to be kept secret.. But as of now I haven't asked him again about his decision..WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW? WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY SITUATION? DO I NEED TO STOP ALL MY MEANS OF COMMUNICATION WITH HIM? OR JUST MAINTAIN THE COMMUNICATION, SINCE HE STILL TEXT AND CALL ME, AND JUST WAIT FOR THINGS TO COME INTO ITS RIGHT PLACE AND LET THINGS HAPPEN? PLEASE ADVISE ME.. PLEASE CRITICIZE ME AND MY SITUATION.. I REALLY NEED AN ADVISE FROM YOU GUYS.. I AM SO MUCH DEVASTATED AND DEPRESSED...I AM SO MUCH CONFUSED OF HIS ACTIONS.. WHAT WILL I DO???WHAT IS THE CHANCE THAT HE WILL PURSUE ME? OR HE WILL JUST COOSE THE GIRL SINCE SHE IS PREGNANT NOW, AND THEY ARE ALREADY 2 YEARS IN THE RELATIONSHIP... PLEASE HELP ME!!
2 people like this
14 responses
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
9 Jun 09
If she is having his baby and he wants to be a part of him kids life, then the other girl and the baby will always be a part of your relationship. Firstly you must decide if you mind that.
Secondly, the way you are describing things at the moment is no good. Not much has changed for him. Stop all contact with him, other than when you have to see him at work. Tell him that you dont want to see him until he makes up his mind. If he is going to pick you, he will miss not having any communication with you and decide a lot quicker. And if he doesnt bother then you will know to try and move on.
Lastly, first love can always be the worst. My first relationship the guy was domestically violent with me. What ever happens now, you will learn from it and it will prepare you for the next one.
Good luck with it! I hope he makes the right desicion!
@april_02 (82)
• Philippines
9 Jun 09
hello! thanks for that comforting words and advices.. yes I will move on now.. but my only problem now is myself: how to control my feelings since I am used to his regular and consistent texts and calls.. It sucks to think that I will wake up tomorrow without his texts, since I will change my number now.. I just wonder now IF HE LOVED ME me while we were together and while he was courting me, because I feel that I was used by him.. What I feel now is that he used me to build his self- esteem and to temporarily escape his problem from that girl... huhuhuhuhu
@chillpill90 (1936)
•
9 Jun 09
the guy will never give that girl up for you.
If it was me i would change my phone number so i can have some peace and he cant text you or get hold of you or ring you.
I think you need to move on and get rid of all communication with you because you staying in contact with him will be very hard on you.
You deserve better than a man who will muck you about and the guy will probably muck this girl about.
Get out of it have no relationship with this guy get a new phone number and just dont talk to the guy because talking to you is really hard for you.
@april_02 (82)
• Philippines
9 Jun 09
thanks for the advice.. I have suddenly realized that he doesn't deserve me. He doesnt even deserve to talk to me from this moment, on... Thanks a lot! God Bless!! But I have one big question: did he love me while we were together and during the times that he is still courting me? Thanks again!
1 person likes this
@chillpill90 (1936)
•
10 Jun 09
being honest i dont think he did ever love you if he did he would have never hurt you like that. He was playing you from the start as he was bored with that other girl.
I hope your ok and give it time and you wil move on .
@subha12 (18441)
• India
10 Jun 09
The bottom line is he cheated on you big time. I have seen almost similar case in front of me. The guy wanted to enjoy fruit from both world. So he had a Gf and still took advantage from you. These type of persons are very bad and selfish. I know how you are feeling a sit was your first love. But believe me, later you will find you are lucky enough to find the truth before anythings serious happened.Time will ease you.
Do not keep any contact with him. He is just a plain cheat.
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
10 Jun 09
Please help me and give advice.........
Hello April_02, it sounds to me like you need to break off all communication with him. He doesn't sound like an honest person. It sounds like he is a player because he was seeing the other girl at the same time that he was seeing you. Do yourself a favor and stay your distance from him. He is only looking out for himself, not for you. I feel sorry for the other girl as well because she is only being used by this character. He was your first boyfriend, so let this be a learning experience for you. Even though he might try to tell you that he love you and that he care, if he really cared he would have set with you down from the beginning and laid all of his cards out on the table. Anyhow you will get over him all in due time. Right now you should just continue to concentrate on your job and if need be you should ask for a transfer so that you will not have to have further contact with that looser. Take care and wishing you all the best. PS: Luckily you're not the one who popped up pregnant by him, you should count your lucky stars!
@MUNISH1303 (20)
• India
10 Jun 09
HI friend I am feeling very sad to hear about you. But don't worry it happens because it is life and you have to go through all these things. All happiness and all sadness. God is so wise he makes the couple in the heaven. It was just a lesson for you by God or Life. it was just for you to feel love in life when you are in love with someone you think your self as the happiest person. But it happens dear. So don't worry about that. God would have made a very nice guy for you marry with. your boy friend is not for you and if you feel uncomfortable in communication with him then you should leave him. if you can change your no. then its well n good but if you can't then just tell him not to have further communications with him. he is not going to leave that girl for you So don't hope to get marry with him. You should forget him as an accident who hurted you. and look for the new life waiting for you. And remember never trust easily on anyone. So please dear friend don't worry about any thing and be happy. forget him and have a nice time and nice friends in life.
@smallcloud (338)
• Malaysia
9 Jun 09
dun silly le..the gut wont worth u to waste so much time..u still can get the better in future..he jus selfish that dun wan to give up any one of u because he is enjoying it..it is jus for himself, he din consider both of u's feeling..
the man is too unreliable and cant rely..even he choose u, u can make sure that he wont be second time like this and treat u as what he do for the ex-girlfriend?
no matter how, the relationship has broken and even u two reconciled, u still cant trust on him and always think that he has affair or not all the times becoz u get hurt before..u cant trust him as much as before..
a relationship that always doubtful, keep it for what?
better pursue ur real relationship than fall into the trap that make u sad, hurt, and also troublesome..
a true relationship must not make u so tired and worried, u should feel happiness
did u feel happiness right now?
i think u should get ur answer in ur heart, jus u cant bear, u cant admit it..\
keep it hard
@gcorp09 (940)
• Singapore
10 Jun 09
Well, to me, the guy is simply trying fool you from the start. I will say that you will have to leave him, as I seriously don't think that he will leave his current girlfriend for you. Even if he does so, you will never know if you does it again to you... It will be best for both of you to break up now. Do change your phone number so that he will not be able to text or call you...
However, saying so, it's really still up to you if you want to make the decision. I will admit that this is going to be hard on you, but staying together may not make it better. Will you be able to ignore the girlfriend's presence?
@kcsgbbb (6)
• India
10 Jun 09
This guy is a cheat. He is equally ruthless. Hurting someone physically is less a hurt than hurting someone mentally. Where was his fidelity with you when it came to making love to the other girl?
Please remember always: WHEN MONEY IS LOST, NOTHING IS LOST. WHEN EDUCATION IS LOST, SOMETHING IS LOST. BUT, WHEN CHARACTER IS LOST, EVERYTHING IS LOST.
More than thinking and brooding over him and your situation:
1) Be grateful to God that he has saved you all the pain that you would have faced had you continued with him.
2) Be thankful to the other girl who warned you in advance. She, too would need mental support from you. Give her that support. Be strong.
In the end, you will be more matured and strong. You will feel the good side of this whole situation and appreciate the power of the force in and around us - God.
Take care. Believe in God. And learn from this episode.
@fheroan (615)
• Philippines
10 Jun 09
event though i never experience falling in love with somebody..i advice you to give up on him...because, just look at the reality that he's going to be father..just tell him that you cant be together because even though he chooses you there is still a gap between you, his baby..he still had responsibilities on it....just think, its hard for a child to grow up not having a father..then when he grows up, then find his dad, then he will see that he has another family with you(if he chooses you)..that will hurt the child, even you, your gonna be hurt by that..
so, make up a decision now, leave him and just move on with your life..or..be hurt forever when you know you deprive a child to have a father who can he be with...
I hope this helps, no offense to your feelings, just suggesting, Cheer up!...
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
10 Jun 09
I understand you being devastated. He is your first love and he wasn't really true to you. You are just being normal and one of the typical girls who fall in love easily with the "sweetness" of some men.
Truthfully, I don't think he is really unto you. If he really loves you, he would drop the girl and be with you. But unfortunately, he is going to marry her and worst, he still continues to text you sweet messages. Please do not fall into these crap. He might be after something else. You are still very young and there are still a "whole" lot of things going for you. It will pass. And you will realize and be proud of yourself that you did not fall into his prey.
@expressnature (265)
• India
10 Jun 09
Now you have mystery situation, which side you want to go? But don't worry about him. The thing is everything in this world keeps changing. So, you can also change yourself. Be confident and don't feel about the past. You are a person created by God. You have a special purpose given by God. Try to find and achieve the purpose. Don't desire on world things,since it is not stable. You and your conscience will be stable. People like him have their punishments in their life path. Time makes you feel good. May God Bless You my friend.
@ezekiel71 (132)
• United States
10 Jun 09
hey girl, cheer up! he is not the guy for you . who want to be with a liar? totally give up communicating with him, if you are the other girl you wouldnt like your future husband flirting still with other girls right? He made the girl pregnant, and that is not an accident. I think he enjoyed your company i dont know if he was really in love, man will do anything when they want something . And why would he keep a secret about her girlfriend being pregnant, there sometihing about his personality that isnt right. he is just thinking about himself, he is selfish and you will never be happy with a selfish person. I know it hurts i ve been there, but choose to be free from that emotion and make a better choice for yourself and for your future.
