on marriage, weddings

I cant even express how much I agree with you! My husband and I talked about marriage long before we ever got engaged. When he did finally ask me to marry him, we both knew exactly what we wanted - a small simple wedding. So that is exactly what we did - 3 weeks later! A former friend of mine from high school (we still have mutual friends) was getting married that summer also. She had gotten engaged long before I did - they were engaged for almost a year before they got married. When she found out that I was getting married before her, she was pissed. She wanted to be the first person from our group of friends to get married. I thought it was ridiculous - my husband and I picked the date because it was the 2 year anniversary of when we started dating. At one point, my husband and I had a roommate. It was a girl that I had worked with. We became pretty good friends. Her parents are quite wealthy. So she had a huge, HUGE wedding - princess for a day. Before the wedding, she mentioned to me that she was starting to have doubts about her relationship. The only thing that kept her from calling off the wedding was there was a house they were looking at buying that she wanted. They ended up not getting the house. She moved in with my husband and myself within 2 months of getting married. But she got one of the things she wanted - she was princess for a day. Even after she left her husband, she was still showing off the pictures because she thought she looked so great. A current friend of my husband and myself is engaged. He doesnt really care about what kind of wedding they have. But his fiance wants a big wedding. So they planned the wedding for 2 years from the time they got engaged. They are paying for everything, so they needed to save up. So far they havent saved up much of anything, and she is going totally overboard with what she wants! I understand it is a once in a lifetime event - hopefully. But I have heard more people say they regret spending too much money on their wedding. I have never heard anyone say they should have had a bigger wedding. Although many people did try to convince my husband and I we would regret not having a big wedding. Two years later, we still dont regret it! Wow, that was much longer than I had planned. This is just one of those subjects that ruffle my feathers!

I totally agree with your opinion. But sometimes when you're overwhelm, you tend to overshoot everything. Like me for instance... I am engage too, and right now we're planning our own wedding. I know from the start what are our limitations and pretty certain about our intentions, but part of me is still wishing to have the grandest and most unique wedding (if only money is not the issue), because I just wish it to be memorable. Speaking of making it memorable, we always have this wrong notion that if you want it to be memorable you have to pour your cash out. Like we usually saw on TV. So we have the tendency to spend too much on flowers, attire, invitations, etc. Which is not really the most important part. I think its part of human nature to be a little bit vain. But for some who went beyond, maybe its out of pride. They want to show off everybody that they are happiest because they most beautiful wedding in the whole world. And usually forgot their intentions why they are getting married. I admire the person who posted earlier, that they plan their wedding only in 3weeks.. Really you inspire me... of 3weeks of planning the wedding and 2 years of happily married... congratulations!

I agree with your position. Many tend to forget that wedding last only one day but marriage is meant to last for life time. Many often over-rate the wedding date. They want the day to be memorable, great and so on. In so doing, they make many mistakes which may later on undermine the foundation of the marriage relationship. I belong to the school of thought that wedding expenses should be moderate (depending on individual definition of "moderate"). One should never plan to outdo some other people on one's day of wedding; that's a recipe for disaster. It's better for a couple to have a quiet wedding and have a fulfilling marriage and not the other way round. However, some people prefer the opposite, I mean consciously or unconsciously. I think most grand weddings tend to lead to unfulfilling marriage life. You may disagree with this opinion of mine but there is some truth in it. May we have the wisdom to balance the importance of wedding and marriage.

Well personally I think that the wedding ceremony itself isent that important the vows and the quality of the marriage is what matters most, there has been many lavish fancy weddings that only ended in divorce, so to me its more important to focus on the love and commitment between two people instead of how fancy the dress or ceremony is, becuse the ceremony will not matter if the love and commitment isent there when its over, some couples focus so much on the superficial things that they forget why there getting married in the first place.

There is two ways to look at this. The orginal idea of marriage was forever, so it would only happen once or maybe twice in a life time... If this is the way you view marriage, then yes it would be worth going all out, but dont break yourself or family members to have a huge wedding or the most expensive wedding gown.. honestly its just a dress that you will wear once... Why spend so much money on it, when you'll wear it for one day, and then it will hang in your closet for years collecting dust.. Sure may be one day your daughter might wear it, but dont bank on that one either... On the other hand, with the fab of today, getting married one day and divorced the next.. It would not be a good idea to have a huge wedding... Lots of income that will be gone and never come back... Here's a thought you get married, and you have loans, break it off, and your still paying for the wedding for years... that would be ironic!

Marriage is an important & an turning point of every ones life. Its is the starting point of a pure & healthy relationship in life. Competing who is getting married first or who's marriage is a grand one is useless. Competing who is having more affection & love on there patners is an healthy thing. but people usually wont do it. Thus competing on how grand they do the marriage is useless better they compete how much they love their patners.

Some people do miss the whole point of marriage. They think it's a fairy tale ending - that after the wedding, everything will fall into their rightful places (or fall into "the right places they want them to be"). But that's never what happens. Marriage is a promise that if things do get harder from that point on, you'll bear witness to each others' lives and that you'd stick it through no matter what. Grand marriages are for good memories. If the wedding ceremony made the couple, especially the bride, ecstatic then it's a good, sealed happy memory. However, if it left the couple stressed, harsh, and horrible then it lost it's purpose of being grand. (Also if they didn't look happy in their pictures, then that's just awful). I fail to see why people think a wedding has to have everything in it and everyone has to be invited! A wedding just needs a few basic things: the bride, the groom, the priest, the parents (yes, that's part of my personal requirement), the siblings, and the close friends from both sides. That's not a big crowd at all. That actually only sounds like a big dinner feast! The ceremonies and the pomp? Those are there to stress the symbols in the Sacrament of Marriage and union. But they're simply symbols and we can skip them as long as the marriage itself bears its true meaning of a union of two souls in love and in the presence of our Lord. Thanks for the response on my discussion :)

i agree with your statement. nowadays that life is tough marrying couple should be PRACTICAL. getting married does not end in the celebration of marriage but it starts there. if the couple have enough savings to spare for a grand wedding then they can do it but they have to make sure that after their wedding they still have money to buy a house and later on funds for the children. if the couple is earning only enough they have to come up with a simple yet elegant and solemn wedding. it does not matter how glamorous the wedding is, what is more important is the happiness it brings to the relatives and friends that they are seeing the couple happy and will live together ever after. nice discussion.

Very true! When my husband and I got married, we stick to our budget all the time. I never wanted to exhaust all funds for just the wedding ceremony coz real life starts after that. Luckily I know how to budget well. I personally made all the wedding invitations and it turned out well, what's important is to let my friends know about it and be there in the most important day in my life. We scheduled it on a weekday so only few and chosen people will come and only those who are really willing to come and see us to be wed. We can't totally avoid wedding crashers so might as well be prepared for unanticipated guests. Our savings are intact to prepare the purchase of basic stuff that we need once we start our new lives together. I also find it unreasonable whenever I hear friends who are competing when afterall, they all turned out unhappy and broke, lol. I remember one comment from a guest during that day and it was a complement on my part when he said that "...the wedding was so simple but it was one of happiest weddings I've ever been"

thats really bad if ppl think like this .... marraige is not to through a grand party or to marry a rich guy/girl ... its a decision for lifetime we have to marry with a person with whom we have good understanding n Love !

Marrige is sacred.They don't know the meaning of marrige.I don't care the wedding celebrity preparations.I only care the people who live with me for lifetime.