What would you do in this situation?
By cobra1368
@cobra1368 (702)
United States
June 11, 2009 10:19am CST
Okay, this is going to be long, so bear with me.
My mother passed away on June 3rd (last Wed.) after being diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor in December 2008. My father passed away back in 2001 after battling chronic lymphocytic leukemia for approximately a year and a half. After over 4 years of grieving, my mother was lonely and decided to try to find someone to make her life whole again. She dated a few men, only to be disappointed pretty quickly with them.
Then she met the man she would later marry. For the sake of anonymity, let's call him Todd. Todd said all the right things, did all the right things, and treated her like gold up until the day she died. However, other members of the family noticed things that didn't quite add up. Like the fact that she wasn't allowed to call anyone until after 7pm because it used minutes on their plan, and she wasn't allowed to buy her own daughter a plane ticket to come visit.
Fast forward to the events of this past week. As soon as I arrive via plane and am picked up by Todd and my aunt, I am told that my husband is not welcome in the house. I was very puzzled by this, and was told that it was because he was very rude and disrespectful two Christmases ago. He also then told me that these were my mother's wishes as well, but she wasn't ever going to tell me.
Okay, so I already feel really uncomfortable. Then, I am told that I am on my own, but when I asked if I could borrow my mom's car (which my mom let me do all the time when I came to visit), I was told that I couldn't drive it. He gave the excuse that it was because I wasn't insured, but that didn't seem to matter when mom was alive.
So I felt like a prisoner with this man in my mom's house. I was upset at her passing, and extremely anxious and stressed by this point given Todd's lack of trust in me and the fact that, because my husband was not welcome, I didn't feel welcome either. So, while he was at work on Thursday and Friday morning (yes, my mom died on wednesday, and he went to work for a few hours on both Thurs and Fri), I went through some of mom's things to take back with me. Most of her costume jewelry (she had no jewelry of real value or significance), some of her clothes, her sewing machine, and family photo albums of our family before Todd had entered our lives. I couldn't take it all with me, so I boxed up the sewing machine and the photo albums and shipped them home. Mom had a small suitcase and an overnight bag that was black with white polka dots (sorry, but unless he's gay, I knew those weren't Todd's!). So, I packed the remaining stuff in my suitcase and the smaller one, and loaded my toiletries into the overnight bag.
I left so much behind, but I wanted to at least take what I could get on a plane, because my thought process during this was that I wasn't welcome, and this would be my only chance to get some things that belonged to my mother, who I loved very dearly. I didn't want to come back. Ever.
I have found out over the past few days from many family members that Todd brought up my mother's will to my uncle at her viewing, and he inquired whether or not he would still be getting natural gas checks from my grandmother RIGHT AFTER THE FUNERAL!
On the evening after the funeral, I went out with family for dinner and drinks. When I got back to Mom's house (Todd never went anywhere with the family all week), the door was locked and the key was not under the mat as it was when I first arrived. I knocked on the door and he let me in, locking it with the key from the inside and taking the key with him so that I'd be locked in.
He asked me what my plans were. When I had made my plane reservations, my mother was still alive, so I was staying way longer than I wanted to at this point. So I told him exactly what I was going to do: rent a car on Sunday, and travel around the state visiting friends before getting on a plane and going home. He asked when I needed to stay here, and I told him that, after tonight, I'd be out of his hair. I simply thought he just wanted to be alone. Then he says, "why don't we just get you a hotel room. I think that would be best." I was shocked! So I asked him to let me out so I could make arrangements, and I was locked out again. I called my aunt, who had just dropped me off and told her I was being kicked out and needed a place to stay. At this point, I was stressed to the point that I could barely dial the phone.
After hanging up with my aunt, who of course, openly welcomed me to stay with her, I knocked to get back in. I told him that my aunt was picking me up, so he didn't have to worry about it. Then I packed my things, set them by the front door, and had to ask to be let out again, because I was locked in again. He said okay, unlocked and opened the door, and closed and locked it again as soon as my butt cleared the door.
I was extremely distraught, upset and having a panic attack when my aunt came to pick me up. Within the next few days, Todd called my aunt, telling her that I rifled through all of their things without asking (didn't TOUCH his things), came with one suitcase and left with four (not true), and left without saying goodbye (kind of hard when the door is already shut). Then he calls my grandma (you know, the one with all the money whose a$$ he has been kissing since he's been in the picture?). He tells her that because I was running around with my friends, we decided it would be easiest if I got a hotel. He made it sound like it was a mutual agreement!
When my mom's brother called him a couple of days ago, Todd started making small talk, but my uncle got straight to the point, telling him to leave grandma out of this and it was between him and me. Then, Todd said, "It's too late for that," and hung up on him.
Then on Tuesday, I received a call from my brother. He said that Todd had just called him. He asked, "Have you talked to your sister?" My brother said no. Then Todd says, "Tell her that if she doesn't return everything she took, I'm filing a police report on her." Then he hung up on my brother.
I have instructed my family not to accept or make any phone calls to Todd. I have been named the personal representative of her will. However, I am considering contesting the will. Before she made it, my grandmother and her had a conversation about the will. Grandma reminded her to consider that she had two children and not to forget about them. Mom said she would take care of that. However, her will, which was done on the Internet, says she leaves her entire estate to her husband.
I sincerely have the feeling he convinced her to leave everything to him, trusting that he would do the right thing. He had all of the important members of my family fooled.
This is how I am perceiving things at this point in time. Everything I have stated above has either directly happened to me, or I have heard about it through friends and family.
What do you think about all this? Do you think I'm the crazy one for taking a few of my mother's possessions and getting out of town (which I honestly felt had to do after all the emotional turmoil for my own sanity and health)? Or do you think he is a seriously possessive, manipulative man, or possibly even a con artist?
1 person likes this
1 response
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
11 Jun 09
He might be a con artist sure enough! He sure sounds like one! He sounds a lot like my conrol freak brother-in-law, only worse, especially if he locks you in and out of the house all the time. I don't blame you for not wanting to go back. You're going through a very rough time right now and he should have thought about this. Please know that I will be praying for you and I hope everything works out for the better.
My brother-in-law is very controlling. He won't let my sister drive any more and it's like she's a prisoner in her own home! She has a lot of health problems, anyway, and she's really not able to get out much. I feel like he's going a little too far, though. She has something called "interstitial cystitis", which is a problem with your bladder. He's afraid she might be out in public somewhere and she might have an accident. I still feel like he's taking it too the extreme. Kathy.
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
13 Jun 09
I'm glad that you talked to an attorney and that he told you that the police can't do this. I wonder what Todd is going to say when they tell him they can't do this? I just hope everything will work out in your favor. Please let us know how everything goes. In the meantime, I'm sorry to hear about your mother's passing. I for got to mention this in my response yesterday. Kathy.