Do you accept money from people?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
June 12, 2009 7:56pm CST
We've hit a rough patch just now financially. It's nothing major, it's just that we let 1 bill get out of hand, we got a shut off notice, so we used our entire paycheck to pay it, and our bank account was overdrawn for it. So it turned into a domino effect, and the past 3 weeks have been rather desperate, this week being the absolute worst.
My kids have some class trips coming up, both the twins classes are going to the pool, actually their entire grade is. My daughter is going for ice cream. They need money for these things!
So earlier in the week I had to e-mail the teachers and ask for help for the kid's trips.
I feel strange asking for help with a couple dollars, so to explain my story I told my son's teacher how I'd just had to return bottles and cans in order to buy some eggs!
So he finally e-mailed me back yesterday saying that my son would be bringing home the pool money, which was really confusing, I thought maybe he'd misunderstood what I was asking for. So my son gets home and hands me an envelope. I open it, and inside is $2 with a sticky note attatched "Pool Money". There was also a $20 bill in the envelope.
I had my son return the $20 to his teacher. I attatched a note explaining to him that while I'm quite grateful for his generosity, I wasn't asking for that sort of help, and all I will accept is the $2 so my son can attend the class trip.
Today my son comes home with the same envelope I'd sent the $20 back in. The money was no longer in the envelope. Instead was a note from the teacher explaining how when he was going for his Master's degree and doing nothing but substituting for 3+ years money was tight for him, and he can't imagine how it must be with kids, which is why he wanted to offer his help, and he let me know that if I do ever need anything I can ask him.
I thought it was really sweet.
1 person likes this
16 responses
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
13 Jun 09
Sorry you are in such a spot.
I hate all these lil trips I know they are cheap but they always seem to come when you have the least amount of money.
That was awful generous of him to think of you that way. And I'm proud of you for just saying you were hoping to pay for his trip. I hate to accept money from people. Like my Aunt (see other discussion) will sometimes give me gas money to come and visit with her I hate taking it but if she wants us there to see her that bad & I don't have the gas money & shes not willing to come out by me that is the next best thing. It's usually only $10 and I feel funny about it but sometimes it's that $10 that helps get the kids to school ect til we get paid again. Oh and I felt funny when she paid for the kids bunkbeds, I didn't ask her to that's what I have a very much deep in debt credit card for. But all I can do is thank her for thinking & caring about my kids. As sadly she does more than their grandparents do for them.
Other than the few occasions above all we usually get is b-day or holiday money.
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
13 Jun 09
I know what you mean about 'family' and 'friends' and 'strangers'. We have different levels at which we are prepared to accept gratuities. Earlier I mentioned pride but I think it's more complicated than that. It's probably more to do with our feeling of debt - what we feel happy about owing people, what we feel they owe to us and how much our bonds with them will allow us to feel indebted.
Often, with family members and even close friends we have a feeling in the back of our minds that we have already given a great deal to them and so it's OK to accept something for once. With strangers or friends who are not close, there is an embarrassment about accepting gifts of a certain kind or value because we have no accepted mechanism of repayment. There is a kind of resistance to accepting certain things from certain people because we don't want to be beholden to them or in their debt. Many feelings are in operation here and, perhaps, 'pride' is not really one of them (though many people say that 'pride' prevented them from accepting a gift).
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Jun 09
Well you know what, she's family and to me that's different. I don't really mind accepting money from friends and family. I will attempt to say no at first, because to me it's rude to just take it without attempting to turn it down. My hubby, total opposite, he'll take it without giving it a second thought. If they keep insisting after I've said no, I keep it. Strangers are different. I don't like accepting money from a stranger unless that's their job, like the food pantry, you know.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
13 Jun 09
I have had several rough patches when it seemed that there was no way out of the debt hole I had fallen into. Looking back, I guess that I have never really been as badly off as many others but the worst thing is really the worry. Somehow, we have always come through and something has happened to put us back on track. Occasionally it has been help from a completely unexpected quarter and it has seemed like the answer to prayers (which it may be - though my concept of 'God' is not really one of a 'parent' who is there to shield us from the inconveniences of life!)
In the good times, I have often 'lent' small sums of money but usually I (privately) think of them as gifts. Occasionally I have said "This is not the usual kind of loan. I don't need you to repay the $20 (or whatever) but what I ask is that, when you find someone less fortunate than you, please pass this on to them."
I think you were probably right to return the gift of $20 in this instance but, had you really needed it, you shouldn't - as most of us are inclined to do - let your pride stand in your way of accepting it. From the giver's point of view, having a gift accepted with gratitude is often recompense enough but a promise that the gift will be passed on in due course to the next person who needs it might help, at least, to ease the conscience of the receiver!
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
13 Jun 09
Jill, take a look at this: http://www.payitforwardfoundation.org/
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
13 Jun 09
Wow that is really sweet. I can't think of too many people that would be that generous these days. I probably wouldn't have taken the money either. Pretty much most of our lives (since we moved out) we have owed someone money. Most of the times my in laws. I hated it. So I avoid it at all costs now.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
13 Jun 09
That was very nice of him to offer to help out like that. I guess it really depends on how hard up for money I was if I would let someone help of not. When it comes to your kids though you really can't be too proud to ask for or accept help. I have borrowed money from my sister before in order to have the money for stuff my son needed for school.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Jun 09
If I had someone else to ask, I would have asked them before e-mailing the teachers. Hubby's parents used to be the ones to bail us out of situations like this... now we're on our own 2 feet. I did what I had to. We're okay otherwise, we have food for the week and stuff, so we're not too bad off, and next week should be back to normal.
1 person likes this
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
13 Jun 09
When I was young, my family was poor. How poor? Well, my school uniforms can easily last for years even thought they were washed so many times and becoming next to transparent. I seldom bought stationary and most of the time it was either from the lost items from the school. I didn't join any activities offered by the school because it costs the family burden.
Life was harsh, but at least I got to go to school and learn and I had to say it was very good already. I understood that there was nothing wrong. It was just my family didn't have the money and that didn't mean I have to blame for it.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
13 Jun 09
That was really sweet of him but like you I wouldnt have been able to accept it. Your lucky that when you are hard up that you can ask for help for the trips and such. Here your kid just doesnt get to go and sits in a room all day.
My son has gotten into sports, football, wrestling and track and field, I cant tell you how hard it is at times to come up with the money for certain things. We too are finding it hard right now. We are behind on a few bills, had to make a deal with my credit card company and we are finding it hard to make it. Our problem started when my husbands work started doing less hours so they lost a day of work. He was getting his whole week and overtime but not now. The Fridays just started again so Im trying to get things caught up. Once behind thou it is really hard to catch back up.
We have 3 kids at home, 16, 14, and 2 so I do know what it is like. We have kids not at home now that we still try to help too. They has stopped as we cant even afford our bills and household items right now. By the way we have twins too, but they are 18 now and on their own. Making me old! lol
@ShirleyBillingsley (1544)
• United States
13 Jun 09
If you are in that big of a bind to need the money, then of course, you could have always chosen to pay the teacher back when things get better. Even a small amount at the time saved up, can net you great friends, and a lasting relationship that will last a life time.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
13 Jun 09
HI, once I read this I feel so sorry for everything that just happen to you. Not even you, it also effect everyone here... I can't imagine we are all in a tight budget like this. well, that's so sweet of him and you did the right thing by return the money back to him and he now sure that you are very honest and care about other as well.
If you need a little help.... I can help you tho,
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
14 Jun 09
HI, I was trying to add you as my friend but seem that you were denying my request. Im sorry to make you feel uncomfortable but it is alright,... I was think to have my daughter send you some gift card that she got from school to your son. But it turns out to be ignoring... it is alright. have a nice day.!!!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jun 09
OMG that is so sweet, it brought a little tear to my eye just reading it, it seems there are some good people left in the world. I am so sorry to hear things are tight for you just now it is hard to keep up once one thing slips. I hope that things perk up for you soon. We are having some money troubles of our own just now. As you know my hubby was made redundant back in february and even though he has applied for many many jobs he has not been successful. Anyway we had a lump of redundancy money that we just put in the bank and use to keep us floating and then our government gives us so much a week to get by on while hubby looks for work its called jobseekers allowance and its not enough to pay everything with but we have the redundancy money there to top it up so that all the bills can be paid so its been ok, well that was until yesterday when we received a letter through the post saying that they had suspended the pay. They said we had not filled a form in but we had they had lost it and so because of them we are all to suffer because if they dont give us any money then we cannot afford to survive!!! Anyway we have refilled another form and sent it off and fingers crossed they will restart our money this week or I dont know what will become of us!!!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
13 Jun 09
I am considering going to the papers over it and going to my local councillor because I am sure they would be pleased to know that we have been left to bring up three young children on fresh air and it is not even our fault. My hubby at first was only looking for certain jobs, a couple that he was interviewed for were very low pay but we were not too bothered about it but when we worked it out we would have been worse off!! So he has to be a bit picky but not that picky! He has a job interview on monday so keep ur fingers crossed for us and then yesterday he rang up a job that he had seen on the internet and was told to come straight down to see them, well it turned out to be an agency but they were new and said they had loads of work so he filled in all the forms and put himself down for as much as he could and they said they will have work for him next week. Now whether they do or not is another matter because we have had this before and then never heard anything. But hopefully hopefully next week will be the turning point for us because I am getting so low now its hard.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Jun 09
My fingers are definitly crossed for you. Around here, people are left to bring up their kids with no help what so ever all the time. When my husband left his last job, this was because he had pneumonia and his boss wouldn't give him the needed time off, so he walked off the job. We went downtown and asked about getting some help, there was nothing they'd do because he technically quit the job.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Jun 09
That's terrible! Is your hubby about ready to accept any job that comes along, even if it's not enough to pay the bills, or is he only interested in those that will pay enough to cover at least the essentials?
I don't think, no matter how bad things got, that my husband would accept anything less than enough to cover our bills. That's unfortunate for us, because any money is better than no money!
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
13 Jun 09
How generous of your son's teacher to put in for the trip as well as the $20 extra. I am in a really bad financial situation, and there are no pay checks coming in. I have not asked anyone for help, but people who know my situation have given me money, which I refused, but they insisted I take it. I was very appreciative of the monetary gifts. I wouldn't borrow money from anyone though. I figure if I do not have the money to pay for my neccessities, I definitely do not have it to pay back someone.
I glad your children will still be able to attend their school activities even though things are a little tight for you at the moment. There are so many good people in this world, and your son's teacher is one of them, remembering where he came from and where he is now, in the position to help someone else.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Jun 09
Kat, to me, God is using this man to help you. The help comes from God through this teacher. he was prompted by God's Spirit to give assistance. Don't throw the assistance back in his face. Don't have false pride and let him know that you do need help. Someone helped me to get through school. There is nothing wrong in accepting help when needed. It has come from God. We must put our pride aside. Pride has always been my worse sin. Let him know that you do appreciate the help offered and would like to accept it.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Jun 09
It's not about pride... I just don't need it. I did need $2 to send my son on that school trip. I do not need $20. I have food for my family, we have gas in our vehicles. There is nothing I need to buy right now, so there's nothing I need money for.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Jun 09
I am sorry - I misunderstood - I htought that you really needed the money right now. Many apologies
@UK_Shree (3603)
•
13 Jun 09
That is very sweet indeed and he sure does sound like a lovely teacher! You're very lucky that your son attends a school with such good hearted people for teachers! I think you did the right thing by only taking the money you needed from him though. I guess money problems when children are involved a really quite more serious though and I am not sure I would say no if I knew the cash was benefitting my children.
@ahmeertahmad (46)
• United States
13 Jun 09
It sounds like you ran into real life human being. It's definitely refreshing to hear of someone who doesn't think of themselves. Unless I'm dying I won't accept money but I'm always extremely touched by the gesture. It seems like the guy entered the right profession judging by his show of heart.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
13 Jun 09
What a very nice teacher! I remember growing up there was 5 of us plus my parents. I can't count how many times the electricity and gas would be shut off. It was very hard at times. Thats why I swore I would not end up with a big family and try my best to always have a good paying job. Things do happen that you just don't have the money for the bill or you forget about the bill. Or its food or paying the bill. I do truly hope things work out for you financially.
@sridhar11 (5)
• India
13 Jun 09
It depends on the situation and also depends on the person.Money makes everything but its not for.Money doesn't buy happiness but knowing you expenses you can meet your obligations and paying your debt is a really self esteem Booster.so I wouldaccept money when it requires and also in genuine cases. Thats my opinion.
