agree/disagree: do cheaters deserve a second chance???
By JamieRose
@JamieRose (168)
Philippines
June 13, 2009 3:14am CST
I have experienced being cheated on and I have cheated once in my life as well. I can say that somehow, I know both sides of the story. They say that no one is perfect, growing entails mistakes and being able to learn from them. Bu it is also true that if you really love one person, you would never ever hurt that person, and cheat on her/him. I want to hear your side: Do cheaters deserve a second chance?? Why or why not?
3 people like this
23 responses
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
13 Jun 09
There's a big difference between a mistake & a choice. Cheating is a choice, a bad one at that but still a choice, not a mistake. When you ask yourself, "If my boyfriend/girlfriend finds out I've cheated, will it hurt him/her?" If you can answer yourself with pretty solid assurance that the answer would be yes, then why would it be a mistake? In order to learn something from it, you had to not know the answer before the action was taken, then you find out the answer afterwards. Nobody cheats on their spouse & say afterwards, "Oh, I didn't know you'd be mad at me for cheating or I didn't know you felt that way about cheating. Now I know. It won't happen again." Almost everybody knows going into that situation how it's gonna turn out if the spouse found out. At that point, a person makes a "choice". Point here is, I don't believe in 2nd chances in a relationship especially when one person willfully cheats on the other. No matter how that person justifies cheating, wrong is wrong. If the relationship was that hard on you, you should've broken it off first before pursuing the other. Trust is one of the most important factor in a relationship & once it's broken, it has a way of creeping up in later time. Instead of enjoying each other's company, everytime they're apart, either for work purpose or other wise, there's that little nagging tought that lingers. That's not a way to have a relationship. I've been cheated on as well. She tried to say she was sorry & how that was a mistake. I asked her, "how would you feel if I have cheated on you?" She answered, "I would've felt horrible." So I said, "So! You did already know what the outcome would've been if I were to find out. How's that a mistake? You knew fully going in what you were doing was wrong but you still went ahead & did it. I can forgive a mistake, I won't forget your choices." She couldn't answer me. So, there... I don't believe there's a room for 2nd chances when it comes to cheating in a relationship...
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I do understand about marriage & the complications with it. That's more of a reason why trust is more important in marriage. To cheat in a marriage, that goes beyond trust issue, that's an insult to an institution. Cheating on their spouse while married is to throw out one's belief out the window. It's like saying to the rest of the world, or at least to the other person, "hey, look! My words don't mean anything, my commitment doesn't mean anything, my promises don't mean anything!" How do you live with someone like that? How do you live with someone who goes into a committed relationship with that little regards to other person & who's words & promises have no meanings? I sure wouldn't stay in a marriage especially if there are any kids involved. I wouldn't want my kids to grow up thinking that they don't have to mean what they say or have them thinking they can always back out of commitments they have made or take the easy way out. Those aren't the enviroments I want to provide for my kids. I'd rather have them grow up without a mother than grow up watching or knowing or even chance of exposing my kids to that. I have a daughter. And I'm in a committed relationship. My girlfriend & I've been living together for about 5 years now & we've been together for 7. As far as my daughter is concerned, my girlfriend is her mother & my daughter treats my girlfriend as such. And my girlfriend treats her as her own daughter. Family is a unit & an institution. There are other people involved in it. As a single unit, if one part falls apart, everything falls apart. You can have the most beautiful car in the world but if it's missing a wheel, door, engine, steering wheel, battery, interior floor, no seats, etc, etc, or any one of these parts, then it doesn't really matter. It will not function properly as a car or how it was meant to opperate. We all have good & bad. It's what we "choose" to do in those times that make us stronger as a family or break us apart as a family.
@JamieRose (168)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
I totally agree with you :) in marriage its a more complicated thing, compared to gf/bf relationship. I mean, the both of you sworn to try your best to not hurt each other. That's why in marriage, one ought to think very well of what s/he is getting into. That's why I think, friendship and trust is very important especially in marriage. Thank you for your reply :)
1 person likes this
@JamieRose (168)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
But if ever it was done to you, can you ever really forgive that person who cheated on you?
@chazamataz (49)
• United States
14 Jun 09
but once they have cheated once....won't it always be in the back of your mind that they might do it again. So if that is in your mind will you ever really trust them? And if you cannot trust them what will that do to your relationship? Just thinking aloud....
@JamieRose (168)
• Philippines
18 Jun 09
I totally agree. I know of someone who still feels something for that girl who kind of broke his heart, but couldn't get back together because the trust is broken. This means that sometimes, love cannot always be enough.
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
13 Jun 09
Hmmm, i dont think they deserve a second chance as such. Everyone says "Once a cheater, always a cheater" So they are likely to do it again. Some people would never get back with someone who cheated on them, but i guess when it is you who has done the cheating you would know that you would never do it again, this maybe changes your view slightly?
In my oppinion, they dont deserve a second chance, but it is up to the person who they have done it to, if they want to risk it then that is their choice. I belive that if you have cheated on someone who you love you should tell them. There is no point hiding it from them, because when they eventually find out they will be more hurt. If they give you another chance then that is great! If they dont well then it is your fault in the end for doing it... at least you can say you where honest about it!
@JamieRose (168)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
Thank you for your reply :) I actually can relate to your reply because when I cheated on someone, he kept on saying that most likely ill do it again. But you're also right, it also depends on the person I did it too. The bottom line is, if you really love someone, you're willing to risk and be hurt again. Just as long as for the second time, s/he doesn't screw up anymore.
@arrestmeifyoucan (40)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
It will all depend on you if you are going to give your partner a second chance. True love can forgive, a total forgiveness means total acceptance and forget his/her mistakes, forgiveness without acceptance will lead to another series of misunderstanding. You must evaluate the degree of wrong doings your partner did, and from there you will decide if your partner deserves a second chance.
@JamieRose (168)
• Philippines
18 Jun 09
This is true. If you really really love someone, you will be able to forgive him/her. But it is also important not to abuse that love. :) Thanks for the reply!
@THEcreationist (837)
• India
2 Jul 09
Cheaters not only deserve second chance but also get it nearly every time(whether they realise it or not).
We are nobody to decide a person`s chances and god decides their chances as well as curtails and punishes them when a limit is exceeded. So, we should always give people their chances (but don`t help them in doing evil things) until they are stopped by god.
By the way, I do forgive people for their cheats and , in the process get cheated but, as i believe, God always saves me from disaster.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
It really depends on a lot of factors. Some people who cheats on their partners deserve another chance while others do not. I would say that it is up to the person concern to forgive his or her partner and him or her another chance. If he or she sees something good about the other person and he or she thinks that they can work things out, then the relationship is probably worth saving.
@derek_a (10874)
•
14 Jun 09
I would say that cheaters deserve a second chance, but maybe not 3rd or 4th chance.
We all hold different values and it is not really possible to value another person's values, because we cannot get into their mind. If we are not prepared to be cheated on, even once, then I think it is our responsibility to let this be known at the start of a relationship, then we still have a choice should the partner cheat, but if our partner mistakes our giving them another chance as weakness, they may well cheat again and again.
If my partner was to cheat, I would leave, but it may not be permanent if she could really prove to me that she would be faithful. One thing I know though is that my trust would take quite some time, to build back up again, and it would never be there 100% as it once was. 
- Derek
- Derek @mariusemillian (41)
• Romania
14 Jun 09
disagree. I strongly believe that cheaters don't deserve another chance. once u've cheated on someone u'll do it again and again.
@nadezna (203)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
i dont think i can manage to give another chance to one the who cheats at me even if i love that person, because i believe that they will do bad things again and again. You may get hurt again and you may think of yourself you'll be fooled again the best thing is to leave it and start new life again.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Maybe a second but never a third. It really depends on the circumstance, and the depth of the cheating. I think I could maybe forgive a one night stand, but I don't think I could forgive an actual relationship. A one night stand could just be a terrible mistake, but if the person goes back for more then it is more serious and would therefore be more hurtful to me. I don't know that I could forgive that.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
18 Jun 09
I think a second chance should be given.
There are actually 4 possibilities.
1. You give him a chance and he really corrects so everything is fine.
- You love him not because he won't cheat but because of other things. So, this is a good outcome.
2. You give him a chance but he still cheats again.
- As you know he may cheat again, you are kind of prepared. Though it really hurts but it should heal. So, this is a bad outcome but not too bad.
3. You don't give him a chance but he corrects and never cheat again in his new relationship.
- Your love to him may still be there but that he now loves someone else without cheating. So, this is a bad outcome for you.
4. You don't give him a chance and he still cheat again on his new partner.
- This is just irrelevant now because even if you love him you still won't accept he cheats again. So, this is more average outcome.
So, I will base on the 4 outcomes to determine whether a second chance should be given.
@burnleyboy (160)
• Australia
14 Jun 09
I have been cheated on, but as yet, have never cheated on a partner.
Hopefully i never will be unfaithful, but who knows the future.
The young lady who cheated on me was very immature, inexperienced, and easily led, so she just wanted to try as many guys as she could while not responsible for her actions, in her mind anyway.
Personally the guilt would be too much for me, if I was in love, then why stray?
If I found someone more attractive than the woman i was dating, then it would be best to end this romance before persuing another...just my feelings though.
@tonyllenium (6252)
• Italy
13 Jun 09
I think it depends fro the cheats she or he did in the past!!I think that there are cheatsreally bad,or negative so people doing that i wish o them they can be cheated 100 or 1000 imes more they cheated!!
In other cases there are cheats very soft or even just small things so it can happen that some people can cheat and they are worng too but in these cases may be it should be normal to have a redemption possibility as well!!
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
I think it depends on two things: how deep your love is for him and the intensity of degree of cheating. If your love for him is beyond him cheating you, then i guess the second chance is inevitable. Sometimes, when love isn't deep enough and the severity of the way he cheated is too overwhelming, then i don't think you'd find it in your heart to forgive him. Me, i have forgiven my OFW girlfriend who, i waited for more than a year only to be cheated and got herself pregnant. I called her names. All names unimaginable but then after years, i have forgiven her.
@swaggalicious (111)
• United States
14 Jun 09
Honestly I think everyone deserve a second chance. If you don't then you can't expect someone to give you a second chance when you do wrong. There are two sides of a story and it will get told differently, but no one is perfect. I know we don't want to think about it: but what made that person go the other way. I know its hard I've been cheated on. If you don't want to be with that person then, go your separate ways. Alot of things play in this situation, but if you are involved with a dog then leave him wagging his tail and avoid getting fleas. LOL
If you seriously want to be with that person work it out. If not don't, but before you give that second chance talk to them. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Put your foot down and lay down the law.
@azumi_mazta (61)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
i guess yes, but after it i guess you should change your style or your behavior before, challenge him to make him a better person. and then maybe don't give everything...love yourself!!!
@dddavis (8)
• United States
14 Jun 09
I believe that cheaters do not deserve another chance because that just give them another time to cheat. If they love you they wouldnt cheat becaue they care about your feelings and dont want to hurt you. Plus it mess up the trust and you always going to have that thought in the back of your mind when you arent with your partner is him/her cheating? Or who are they with?
@aim2244 (1)
• United States
14 Jun 09
i think it depends on how sincerely sorry the person is and whether or not you are willing and ready to forgive.. and there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting, a person can forgive but they will never forget. it's okay to feel some type of way about it but if the situation continues to sneak into an argument that might not have anything to do with the other person cheating then there will be problems within the relationship
