How much do you expect of a friend, especially a best friend?
By scheng1
@scheng1 (24649)
Singapore
June 13, 2009 9:23am CST
All of us have different expectations for different categories of friends or acquaintances.
For those casual acquaintances, we do not expect much, just expect them to say "hi" to us, when we smile and say "hello" to them.
For those whom we call friends, we expect a bit more, such as not back-stabbing us, not gossiping about us, willing to give advice, and to spend time with us.
The expectation of a best friend is much higher than that. Sometimes we even expect our best friend to stand by us, no matter what happens, to know how we feel about certain events or matters.
What is your expectation of a friend, especially a best friend? Do you think you are expecting too much or too little for persons whom you view as friends?
3 people like this
16 responses
@Beertjie (976)
• South Africa
13 Jun 09
I expect nothing from my friends, they are my friends because of the way they are. I get along with almost all people and expect nothing in return. Some people do more for me than others, are more supporting, etc. but that is because they want to.
My friends are my friends because we share so much. We have been through hard times together, good times and bad times, and through it all we remained good friends.
Blessings
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
13 Jun 09
Hi Beertjie, that's very unusual. Most people have some expectation from their friends, at least they expect their friends to be loyal to them.
Actually most of us dont think of this question, till we need help from our friends.
Obviously we do not tell our friends, we expect them to do this or that. But when we need to borrow money from friends, and all of them try to avoid us, we will feel very disappointed, and hurt, since we expect more of our friend.
1 person likes this
@Beertjie (976)
• South Africa
13 Jun 09
If someone is not loyal, they would not be a friend. Friendship is not something that happens overnight, friendship is earned with time. I don't say you have to work to be a friend but friendship is something that stood the test of time. Only time can tell if a person is a friend.
I know it sounds unusual, but that is my experience of friendship. Friends are naturaly there for one another, otherwise they would not be friends.
Many blessings
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Jun 09
I try not to have many expectations from any of my friends regardless of how close we are or are not. Of course some of the standards you listed are just to be assumed. I mean, anyone who back-stabbed me, gossiped about me or anything to deliberatly disrespect or hurt me would not really be much of a friend anyway.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Sid556, sometimes we consider someone as friend, till we know that the person backstab us, that is the time when the hurt is very deep.
I seldom make friend with those current colleagues, until there is a change, eg they leaves the company or I leave the company. It's hard to be friend when there is a professional relationship. I have witnessed some close friendships turn sour, when one is appointed to supervise the other.
1 person likes this
@queennee (186)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
hi scheng,hhhmm..i dont expect too much from my friends or my best friend,just being there for me everytime i need them is okay with me.as long as we communicate each other,and hang up sometimes that is fine.i dont expect much from them coz i dont want them also to expect much from me,we have different shortcomings as we cant please everybody,so to avoid hurting their feelings i dont commit and expect too much from them and vise versa..:) good day!
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Queennee, actually our expectations do change. When we were young, and had more time to gossip, and to talk about the future, we demanded the attention of our best friend for a few hours a week. That was the time when we really talked a lot.
Now that we are working, and so busy, we hardly expect to talk to our best friend for more than a few minutes a week. We do not have time to share gossips, and catch up with each other so often. Most of the times we share the bare essentials.
@onlinerep01 (490)
• United States
14 Jun 09
Hello,
I'm glad you asked this question, I was sitting here wondering a little bit earleir in the day, what do I expect from my best friend, and the answer I came up with, I think I'am expecting a little to much from them, because I want them to be in my conner no matter what, but I have to realize that they have a life of their own, and they are not going to be there for me all the time, or when ever I feel they should be there for me, and I should appreciate that at least I do have best friend and some people are out there still searching for a best friend.
Happy My Lotting!
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Onlinerep01, yes, we are fortunate to have friends who care about us, even though they are not always available when we need them.
Actually friendships can last longer if we care more for our friends, than expecting too much from our friends. And there are different kind of friends too. Some are good only for eating, drinking and shopping, they do not have the time or patience to hold a heart to heart talk.
Glad that you appreciate your friends, and hope that you gain more friends.
@saw2207 (1359)
• United States
13 Jun 09
Martin Luther King Jr once said
In the end we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.
So for me it is important that my friends be honest with me, stand by me and always lend a helping hand or just their ear to listen to me. If they have an opinion I want to hear it from them .. and that is how I am to my friends.
Happy Lotting to you,
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
13 Jun 09
Hi Saw, that's really true. If our friends cannot be honest with us, either something wrong with them, or something wrong with us.
The worst is to hear from other persons what our friends thought of us. That's the really worst, especially when our friends backstab us.
Most of us expect as much from friends, as we are willing to give. That's how we make friends anyway.
@saw2207 (1359)
• United States
13 Jun 09
so true. . . kinda like this....
They say the world is round and yet,
Sometimes I think it is square.
So many little hurts you get
From corners here and there.
We flatter those we scarcely know
And please the fleeting guest.
Yet we deal many a thoughtless blow...
To those we love the best.
1 person likes this
@ankushbadala (5)
• India
13 Jun 09
Well there are two categories for me, just friend and best friend. In the former you expect handshakes,some smile passing, little gossip about health and a few things which includes our little framework. But in case of best friend, all expect huge from him, you want to do a lot gossip with him,want to spend hours of enjoyment and a hug full of love.Moreover you want to share things with him that you cant share with your parents. From one you want a little help,not much in detail, but do expect friendly behaviour which makes you relaxed and from the later,its like you dont need anyone else right now. Toghether with him you dont fear anybody.
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Ankushbadala, I agree that our expectations for friends, and best friend are different.
Actually best friend knows more about us, than our parents did. Some things we can only share with friends, and not parents. Parents tend to give lecture, telling us not to this or that, but best friend understand.
Glad that you have such a best friend to share many enjoyable moments.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
13 Jun 09
That's hard to say. I expect a friend to give as much to me as I do to them in ways of emotional support. I want honesty, too. If I'm wrong or full of crap I want them to tell me. When I'm being ridiculous about something and unreasonable, I want them to bring me down to earth and give me perspective.
I guess what I want from a best friend is honesty. Tell me if I look like a wreck, encourage me if I'm doing well and advise me when I'm going down the wrong path.
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
13 Jun 09
Hi Dragon54u, same here, I do expect my friends to show care and concern for me, especially when face some situations when comforts from friends really are needed.
Actually for your friends to tell you honesty, that requires them to pay attention to your actions and words. And they have to think of a way to advise you wihout hurting your feelings. It's quite a high expectation.
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
13 Jun 09
all i expect from my friends is to understand that i do not have alot of free time and even though i cannot be in touch all of the time or see them all of the time that i am still their friend. also i would expect them to be loyal and not disclose personal information that i share with them or talk behind my back. other than that i am grateful for my friendships old and new and do not put alot of pressure or expectations on them because we all have our lives to live and our lives are packed with work and responsibilities so we have to realize that everyone is busy and they cannot be there all of the time but that does not mean they are not still your friend. i have friend i have been friends with for 34 years, 28 years, 25 years and some i have known for only 3 but each is different and you get different things from each friendship so it is all a positive influence in my life.
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Mikeysmom, that's real friendship! When we are living in the big cities, we do not really expect to call our friends or see them regularly. Everyone is so busy, but we know that we will spare the time to comfort our friends in need, and they will do so for us.
The only thing I hate is those who call only once a year, or once in three years, just to sell products. Those are the ones I no longer consider as friends.
@ProudMommy22 (705)
• United States
14 Jun 09
For me i dont expect anything from a friend or best friend. Reason being is at some point in time you might call them your best friend but in there eyes they dont see that and dont see you as there best friend. I dont except anything from anyone. Friend come and go and true friend stick around and even if they are there then thats good but if not then oh well. Cant except people to do what you want them to do or even would like for them to do it dont work that way.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Proud, of course our friends change. Our best friend when we were kids are no longer our best friend.
But at the point of time in life when they are our best friends, we do have some expectation, such as time for us, talk and joke with us.
Actually when we are older, we do not really define "best friend", usually we call each other "friend", without feeling the need to justify to anyone "who is your best friend", since we are not kids anymore, and nobody will ask this stupid question.
@nzalheart (2338)
• India
13 Jun 09
Hello Scheng!!!
Well I have stopped making high expectations in my life. Expect least and whatever you get always satisfies us. And in the other hand, if we start expecting this and that, we won't get that thing and we get frustrated. This frustration can be a great problem in the friendship then.
I know I have a best friend, but I don't seem to expect too much from him. But certainly something more than other friends.
The necessary thing that is needed in Friendship is that let go away the small things. It is unreasonable to get angry with a friend because of not reaching the expectation. If we get in emotional problem regarding this thing, then the person to blame is we, ourselves...So, I am just happy to get a nice friend, best friend. We always have understanding and never any problem, then what more do I need...
Happy mylotting..
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
haha Nzal, if at your age, you have stopped making high expectation, I wonder what you will be like in another 60 years time.
Most young folks have high expectation for themselves, and their friends, even their family members! And some folks never learnt to moderate their expectations or that they should allow their family members and friends to live their own life. That's why bitterness comes from!
As far as friendship is concerned, I think the very least expectation is that our friends should have time for us when we need a listening ear, and not betray our confidence. Anything more than that is a bonus.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I don't expect very much other than to be treated with respect and the type of loyalty that accompanies true friendship. True friends are trustworthy without any conditions such as "under these circumstances."
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
23 Jun 09
Hi Canellita, without respect and loyalty, there is hardly any friendship left. All these are reasonable expectation, especially when there are malicious gossips about us going on, we expect our friends to defend for us.
Once I was talking to my boss. He's a good friend of the Chairman, the founder of the company. My boss knew him for more than 30 years. He said, "T is a different friend from others, I can go to his house in the middle of the night, and ask for loan. He will give to me without saying anything."
They had been through thick and thin. When out of office, they do not talk about business. They talk about golf, children, and "good old days"
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Your supervisor is fortunate in his friendship with this other man.
What fascinates me is the people who go to work and expect their colleagues to be their automatic friends. It is fine if a relationship develops over time but work is about work and not social time. The world has become such a casual place.
@ladyjinggay (76)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
a true friend will always be a friend, without doubts and without demands. Our best friend is just like our soul mates who knows you inside out.Everybody expect much from a best friend to be always on our side at all times, however,our best friend too would also expect our understanding for some reasons when time comes fail on our expectations. A good person does not expect in return - just "PAY IT FORWARD"...
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Ladyjinggay, in reality there is no one who is without doubt and without demands. It's impossible. There are doubts and demands exist in all relationship, even though most of the doubts and demands are unspoken.
It is right for our friends to have similar expectations of us, as we have expectations of them.
That's why we should not impose, and should understand that friends do have their own obligations, and duties in life.
If we meet a crisis in life, the worst that a friend can say is "I'm not free now, there's an interesting show on TV."
1 person likes this
@whizkid08 (715)
• India
13 Jun 09
I expect the minimum a person can expect from anyone.
For acquaintances, I just expect they give a smile or say "hi". That is enough to maintain it..
For the usual friends,
I just expect that when he/she meets me years later, she should recognize me at least!!
Rest, as you mentioned, the quality of "trust", sharing, being with me when I am sad or crying..
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
13 Jun 09
Hi Whizkid, that is a reasonable expectation. For friends whom we spend years together, we expect them to remember our names, and our likes and dislikes, at least certain likes and dislikes.
Actually the less we expect of our friends, the more friends we have, since we do not come across as possessive or difficult.
@deepzholic (256)
• India
14 Jun 09
hi scheng1...
expecting things from friends......well the one who expects things in return from his friend is not a true friend.......if you ask me i never expect things in return from my friends......i do things for them because i like to do things for them.....and i like to do things for myself yes i do ask for help but it is their wish if they want they can help.....i never force them to do so.......yes sometime when i am i need or for that matter when i wanted my friends by my side i was all alone.......so from that day i don't expect anything from my friends....even my best friend....
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Deepzholic, it's true that we cannot expect too much of our friends. They have their lives. They are also very busy, and have their own obligations and duties in life.
But then, if we do not expect anything at all from friends, what are friends for? At the very least, they should have time for us if we need it. They should show concern if we face any problems in life.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Deepzholic, most of us have experienced the same thing, but we all learn different lessons.
Most people learn to select friends carefully after a painful lesson. Sometimes those friends who jokes and lunch with us are not really true friends, just friends of convenience. Once we have any trouble, they go away.
Most of us know what kind of friends we want, and whom we can trust, after a few painful lessons. There are still many kind and good people around. Do not be afraid to make friends or to trust your friends.
@deepzholic (256)
• India
14 Jun 09
yes i know that.....but that was my experience.......it was that i was back stabbed by my best friend......so i don't expect anything from him.......and not from my other friends.......
@casandralam (29)
• Malaysia
14 Jun 09
My expectation on my best friend is trust. It is a very important expectation from me because i think that if a relationship without trust, there will be nothing and meaningless. Hope all my best friend live happily. :-)
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Casandralam, that's very true, without trust, there is no friendship, much less the relationship known as "best friend".
And trust is a quality that takes a lot of time to build up. That's why it is always very sad to spend time with someone whom we call "friend", and find out in the end, that this "friend" betray us.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Jun 09
Hi Flaky, I agree that trust is most important. If we face a crisis, such as the loss of a family member, we need our friends with us. We trust that our friends will come and comfort us.
At this time, it's usually easy to see who are the true friends, and who are false friends.
In Chinese culture, some people do their best to avoid attending wake. They think it brings bad luck to them. If my friends have this kind of thinking, I will not treat them as friends anymore.
