Is love a choice or does it happen by chance?

I agree about the chemistry...now, about that one that got away? ;) details?

Ah yes, the one that got away. So you want to learn what a moron I am? lol Well the short version, younger guy, work colleague, Asian, great chemistry, couldn't figure out how to communicate with each other. He was jealous of my career, expected certain behavior (I'm sure the Aspergers didn't help) and didn't get it, and I couldn't understand why he was constantly picking on me for things I couldn't help. I kept pulling away, he eventually found a nice girl from his own country.

I have had offers....from some very interesting men of different cultures. Especially since I began my internet journey. But the most interesting one was a fellow employee at the first place I worked outside the home....I was quite smitten. But alas...he turned out to be a player.

I've wondered about how easy it is for modern couples to walk away, not thinking of the impact on children and their lives, simply because they don't love each other anymore. In my life, my mother did this and wound up with a man she loved passionately but who abused me and my brother. I guess I am trying to resolve something here. Her selfishness ruined my early life....I've made peace with it now....but my marriage and my children suffered while I tried to find that peace. Mind you, I would never suggest staying in an abusive relationship...but there is something missing from modern relationships that I have seen in the "old timers" I meet working in a nursing home. There was no 'out' for them. Society dictated that they honor their vows. Somehow, most of them made it...I met a couple who had been married 70 years! What they said was...."we just chose to love one another." I also have met many older women who had a differing story....one of being in a prison of abuse and not able to leave...and the damage that did. Each situation is unique. And every person must make their own decisions. I guess that is why I asked this question and started this discussion.

Love is patient, love is kind... if you're in an abusive relationship (and those women as well, that you were talking about) - then it's not love. It's either infatuation or obsession. There will be those days when the person you love isn't so lovable - those are the times when you CHOOSE to love them. Love is not proud, love is selfless. You gotta admit that you're not lovable all the time either - so you have to meet that person half-way, and sometimes, more than half-way. I'm sorry to hear about your parents and also your marriage. Fortunately, my bf and I have role models (our parents). Who have gone through so much together, and it's never been easy for either. Yet they've both been together for more than 25 years. We are blessed that our parents CHOSE to stay together and love each other.

I like that you used those scriptures to make your point. I think that is what needs to be learned by every couple. It should be part of the vows. :)

Yes, that is how I look at it too. It is a huge responsibility. Not knowing if I could make those sacrifices..keeps me from saying I will, and not being able to.

I think this is a very romantic story....I wish you both the best. And I pray that when you are both in your nineties...you still feel as if you had just fell in love! Thanks for this input!

I would ask you to clarify something. If you find them physically attractive first is that lust or love? Or do you mean that they are attractive to you on an emotional level? And is that love? What if after commiting to them you discover something about them that is difficult to deal with, should you continue to 'love' them? Could you continue to love them? Is that a choice or is it something else?