Can wife and husband become total strangers?
By silvercoin
@silvercoin (2101)
Lithuania
June 15, 2009 8:15am CST
Have you ever heard about similar situation in family?
A woman who's husband is in hospital,counting his last days,asked me to visit him and to bring him some food and medicine.I sat next to his bed, we talked a little.There was a plate of fresh strawberries on the table.He wanted me to take them.I refused saying he needs vitamins and healthy food.He said the only thing he needed was to spent one night without pain.It was so upsetting.I asked him why his wife couldn't come more often to visit him.He said that his wife had another man and this was the question of time when she would be able to live with him.I can't believe - I thought she sent me because she can't see him suffering, no, it's because she doesn't care anymore!I think she's too cruel.No matter what happened before, now it's time to forgive and stand by him.What do you think?
6 people like this
19 responses
@silvercoin (2101)
• Lithuania
15 Jun 09
She should, but she refuses to show some kindness.
1 person likes this
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
The wife must have reasons not to see her husband. Do not judge her as disloyal or unkind. You do not really know the dynamics of their relationship and jumping to conclussions on this matter is not a good idea.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Obviously she doesn't love her husband, wonder if she truely every did? I know that I'm getting married this September, and if anything were to happen that he was in the hospital, they would have to drag me out kicking and screaming. I would be there every minute I possibly could, no matter what. We are both firefighters, so there is that ever possiblity of something happening. I also know that he wouldn't leave my side for anything. But then again, we are committed to each other, as future husband/wife, best friends, fellow firefighters, and partners. I would have assumed the same thing as you, that she couldn't stand to see him suffering, not that she was more concerned with her other man.
1 person likes this
@silvercoin (2101)
• Lithuania
15 Jun 09
I believe your marriage will work and wish you the brightest life together possible.
Now I can see that life without love is impossible.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
18 Jun 09
Wow!! Personally I think the reason that the husband is feeling so Bad, and probably not expected to pull thru is because of the wife treating him like this, and finding someone else before he is gone. I would say this overall is pretty heartless and only a matter of time before it revolts on her.
But I have heard of this type of thing before, and worse and often wonder how people really think they are doing anyone any favors. To risk your relationship with other family members and friends and to be only worried about yourself and doing things like this I feel is about the lowest anyone can go in a relationship for sure.
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
Things change and people change. It is never easy when there is too much suffering in life but then it could be good for people. I am always in pain, not physical pain but in pain for all the poverty and lack of capability to earn what I should be earning. I use the suffering to bring my mind higher. I would not mind dying but it seems to me that there are still things for me to do. Cheers!!!
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
15 Jun 09
This is the saddest discussion I've seen lately! That woman (I can't hardly think of her as a wife) goes far beyond selfish and cruel. She had to have loved him at one time, otherwise why would she have married him? And she can't give him some of her time to ease him during his final moments? I would not want to be friends with her, she's already showing every one who really matters to her. Herself only! Makes one hope that she someday learns that what goes around, comes around.
I hope that you can maybe find the time to visit again, and that he has other friends and family who he matters to. Most people in that position know you can't take away the pain, but it helps when others acknowledge him and listen to whatever he has to say.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Thank you! What so many people forget (especially his 'wife', who he did his best to provide for) is that while some one may be gone tomorrow, today they are still HERE. I can't imagine loving people all my life and having no one care enough to be there in the end. Bless you for what you are doing for this unfortunate man. Sometimes the smallest things bring the most comfort. The world is a better place for having you in it.
@silvercoin (2101)
• Lithuania
15 Jun 09
I'll visit him on Friday.Now he can't read the newspapers himself, I'll read them if he wants to listen.He's still curious about what's going on outside the walls.It's not the first person forgotten by family.I just can't understand where this selfishness come from.She forgot their holidays abroad,car he bought from his salary.Even from the materialistic point of view he was good to her.Life will show who's right.Thank you.You definitely have high EQ, dear.It's amazing how you feel the people in discussions.
1 person likes this
@kica10 (5)
• Spain
16 Jun 09
Do not judge before you meet both sides of the storie. considering that they will never tell you the truth like it is, try to keep your head out of there. I couldn't say that situations like this are normal, but unfortunately they are happening more often these days. i believe that people forgoth how to speak and be honest. Simply as it is, both of them probably made their misstakes in the past, and this could be the result. Sometimes, no mather of circumstances, you should swallow the seed that you have been growing during the years, and also somtimes that seed could be sweet or bitter depending on your behaving in the past. Facing the past is, in most of the cases very painful, and often it is painful for both sides. Do not judge if you don't want to be judged!
@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
Its sad how people can hurt each other in such a way that they can no longer bear to be in the same room with the other. Yes, its so very possible for wife and husband to be total strangers, especially if one of them is unable to forgive the other. There is no way for a relationship to be restored without forgiveness. If you ask me, I actually think the wife still cared, whether it's out of concern or guilt, she cared enough to ask you to visit her husband. If its the husband has done things that pushed the wife away, I hope that he will be able to find forgivenss before he passes away.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
That a picture of selfishness. Because even if the wife knows that her hsband is dying, she still chooses to do something else and spend time with the other guy. Besides the fact that she dont love him anymore, she is also hurting him more.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
sometimes, there are just couples that drift apart...it may not be at times intentional but they just grow apart and the marriage fails, factors may be from both parties, we cannot tell,from the story it is hard to say whose fault..though sympathy should be given by the wife since the husband is ill but then we can not judge the wife, she may have reasons why she acted like that.
@lodyllesovo (321)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
That is a sad story. But then again, it is life. I guess all we can do about it is just to let it pass by. And to those people who are affected by it, just try to be strong and give it time to heal. Just like a broken heart, just give it time to heal and then you will be fine.
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
My family have to same situation...my father was in the hospital for almost a month because he had some difficulty in breathing..although my father made very big mistakes in the past we still stood up for him and never left him..I havent talked to my father for ages before but when he was hospitalized I forgive him and look out for him..I bring food everyday in the hospital...my sisters and I always make sure we get to go to the hospital everyday...while my mother and brother never left my father in the hospital..that time in our life made us realize that nomatter how hard it is to accept what your father have done in the past,a family is still a family..:b
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
It could only happen if either of them chooses to become stangers. Like what you have said , the woman has another man in her life, she chose to become estranged with her husband. Only the two of them know the reason why that happened. I know it is sad that this happened. Husband and wife should stick together for better or for worse. But sadly, it doesn't happen all the time. Some times it is best to separate than to be together. Maybe, one day, she will find it in her heart to visit her husband.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
A lot of couples become estranged after a bad divorce or legal separation. There is really nothing strange about it. Some of these people do not want to talk to each other for the rest of the their lives. Yes, you might think that it is cruel for other people to just simple forget about each other like that but these things do happen.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
15 Jun 09
From your point of view be careful not to judge their relationship. For all you know he was a terrible husband and this is the first chance she has had to get free.
We never know what goes on between two people behind closed doors. Just be as kind as you can to him. Blessings
@AndrewBoi (369)
• Philippines
16 Jun 09
i am not married yet but basing it on my relationships with my x girlfriend, yes there could be a possibility that the couple could become total strangers. I and my xgf are totally strangers to each other. LOL
@callamy520 (14)
• China
16 Jun 09
For wife and husband, tolerance and compromise is necessary. Once I saw such explanation:
MARRY= M+A+R+R+Y
M=mutual
A= appreciate
R= reliable
R= responsible
Y= yes
