When the Mom says you don't have to say "thank you"

Those situations are very tricky... Since her parents obviously are not around, nor interested in educating her, and she is spending so much time at your place, it will be ultimately your 'job' to well, raise her... Just tell her your house, your rules, if she offends someone she will have to apologise, otherwise you will take her home... You definetly need to set boundaries or your own kids might follow her example.

It sounds like Samantha is rather bossy and demanding... As a parent I would be worried if my daughter really liked her as a friend or just hanged around this person so she was not so mean to her... No it was not right for Dearra to hurt Sam.. But it was right for her to stand her ground! That is awesome.. I would say that both girls need to apologizes for their actions.. Both were wrong not just one or the other... Apologizing for something does not mean the person is wrong, an action that was taken could be wrong.. I do not think this Samantha girl would be the best thing for Dearra, but its her best friend.. I would explain to her that you do not approve of Sam's actions.. But if you were to tell Dearra that she can no longer be her friend that may make things worst.. Dearra may still be her friend just behind your back.. Which would be a lot worst. At the same time I feel sorry for Sam, (wait before jumping please), sounds like she doesnt have someone around to help teach her right from wrong.. Being home alone and having to deal with things on her own.. I am willing to beat she watches or plays a lot of video games... Look at the way those medias teach our children to solve problems.. Not good.. The person I look down the most on is Sam's parents!! They should be there for her, and if that is not possible due to work, find someone that is willing to watch her, and keep her in line.. Not just have her do what ever when ever.. That will not teach Sam anything, and later in life it could make things harder for her to adjust; school, work, and having a family of her own.

With parents like hers, it's no wonder Sam is the way she is. But she's still young and hopefully can be 'reprogrammed' so to speak. And Naomi is probably the best person to do that..........It's all about example. Sam's watching how Naomi admits to being sorry for something, and the same thing from the people important to Naomi (you, Dearra, etc.) will have an impression on her. The problem is, the life lessons she learns by osmosis from Naomi probably won't even come into play until she is much older, unless her parents have totally ruined her before then. You say the girls don't really understand, but never underestimate the comprehension of a child. Talk to Naomi about this. You'd be amazed at what she'll pass on to her friend. As for Naomi's circle of friends being reduced by her association with Sam, I really, at this point, wouldn't worry about it that much unless she becomes truly anti-social. She's probably not 'standing up to Sam' much now because she doesn't want the conflict she sees Sam visit on others. Talk to her about that too. That it's ok to stand up for yourself if you do it nicely. But the most important thing to remember, is that adults should NEVER underestimate what kids DO understand. They just process the info differently, and as I said, it's often later in life that that 'lesson' comes into play.

I don't have kids, so I'm not sure my opinion is valid, but this all sounds familiar. When I was a kid my cousin (Who actually turned out good..) got away with everything. It was a rare time she was punished for anything that she did wrong. Quite often she'd pick a fight with me and then I'd get punished. Man, I hated her back then. She never apolgized for anything, called people name etc etc etc. My mom used to tell her "If you can't be nice at my house your leaving" Because we didn't have a car when I was a little girl, a lot of times my mom called my aunt and told her to come get Athena, because she couldn't behave. After a while she started behaving when she was at our place because she didn't want to get sent home wrhe there was no one to play with. Like I said though she turned out okay in the end.

My Goddaughter went through a pahse like that. She became an obnoxious little brat. But I think her reasons for lashing out were very legit! Her parents had within a year gotten divorced and around a year after they got divorced her mom got married and pregnant with her new husband. Her daddy had a new gf and they are now engaged. Her mom was a little bit strict, okay more than a little bit.. And she only got to see her dad on the weekends when her mom deemed her behavior good enough. I took care of her from April of last year to december of last year.... This little girl bullied my son who is about a year and half younger than her. She shoved him down the stairs (Thank God he was only up about 3 steps when she did this) not long after she shoved her then 1 yr old sister off the bottom step a couple months later. She would always apologize but her behavior never changed. In fact it got worse. It got to a point right before I moved to TX that I was having to physically restrain her because she was becoming so frustrated she was beating herself up and trying to rip her own hair out and during those times she would bite and or kick whoever was near her. See what you need to understand is that both of the older girls, the one I have been talking about has a 10yr old sister. Well the 10 yr old goes to a special elementary school because she is incredibly smart. And the middle girl, has been showng the same signs of intelligence that the older one did. The problem with intelligence in this age is the mind is actually older than the body which creates a certain inner turmoil. Her intellectual mind kinda arguing with the body of a 5 yr old. Sometimes she can't get a handle on her emotions. Things were easing up the day I left for TX. Her parents were trying to show her more attention and she actually is doing a lot better now. Her dad tells me, we are friends with her dad and see him about every two months as him and my husband are wrestlers and they both wrestle for a company in Mississippi. And he says that outside of missing me, Uncle Red (my husband) and my boys she is doing great! She will be able to start school this coming year. The fact that her parents are rarely around and when they are they are not being a good role model. I think this child is grasping for attention and love and she just doesn't realize that there is good attention and bad attention... She needs to see that it feels better to get the good attention. It will take a lot of work and more than one person alone can do. I think with a child like this it really does take a village! I feel soo bad for Sam... I know she is having a rough time and it is sad that your kids are getting cuaght up in it... But I also think that if Sam gets to much worse some kind of intervention is needed... For her sake and the kids around her. She needs a kind of love and maybe her parents don't realize they are neglecting to give it to her

I think poor Sam needs the positive influence of your girls. I would stay close to the situation, though, by encouraging your daughter to talk to you about it. Give your honest opinion about about Sam's parents and your fears that they will be hurt in the long run...ask them what THEY think about Sam's parents. Help them learn to problem solve by letting them work out the details of their relationship with Sam. Maybe give them 'verbal' permission to correct her themselves, help them understand peer pressure and how it could help her behave better and be accepted by more of the group. I think they feel compassion for her, don't you? And I would be inviting her over and letting her see and hear how a family should work. I'd even go so far as to try to speak with her about HOW SHE FEELS, you'd have to gain her trust. Be careful here though, it's real easy to get in trouble with the parents...but your girls will see your compassion for others if you express your concern to Sam. I also feel it may be necessary to tell a professional at their school..what you have heard from Sam's father....if he scared your child, you have a right to do this. I remember many friends of mine (when I was living with an abusive step father) who's compassion and understanding literally saved my life. In the long run...realize that your children are gaining some valuable interpersonal skills.

Poor girl, she really needs her parents to guide her. Based on what you said about overhearing her mom telling her that she doesn't have to say sorry if she don't want to, then I really think the parents needs to be guided as well.

It's difficult because as you have identified, the problem is the way she is being brought up - you cannot influence that side of things (unless you want to risk having an unsavoury slanging match with her parents). You have to feel sorry for kids that are brought up with 'different' values and I think the best you can do is teach your own kids to play nice but not allow bullies to prevail. We have a daughter who is smaller than most of her classmates so we have tried to teach her to play nicely but at the same time to tell kids that hurt her that they mustn't do it - but it's hard because you want to be there to protect your little ones all the time and it just can't be done. I think the best thing you can do is to instill into your child that if someone hurts her she must tell you or the teacher straight away - if it becomes clear that there is bad behaviour then it is up to the teachers to step in. You can't teach the other kid to behave but you can take steps to make sure your child is protected and that any bad behaviour is being highlighted. Hopefully Sam will learn over time that even though her Mom says she needn't apologise - if she wants any friends then she will have to start assessing her Mom's advice for herself to work out whether it is worth following. Sadly she could end up being rebellious at a young age when it dawns on her that her parents are giving her dumb advice, you will know only too well that even though they are small, and young - they are not stupid...and (as happens with our little one) they mull over the things you have said and repeat them back to you when you least expect it!

And this is why the parents will probably have a rude, out of control teenager and eventually an adult to deal with. Of course, they'll blame everyone else but it would be their own fault. My only suggestion is to of course encourage your own children to behave the right way and insist the girl, Samantha, follow the same rules while she's in your home. Maybe some of your children's manners will rub off on her. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]

I knew a little boy like that when my son was younger...and it a shame all around because you KNOW its not even their fault and their home life is bad so you want to give them love and kindness.....but it is really hard because they act sooooo bad...lol...but you dont want to send them away either cause you know they dont know any better....its a tough one

I don't have a kid of my own yet. I even belong to a broken home family. When I grew up with my other four siblings we learned the hard way. My mother is not always been there to teach us the right way. But thanks God...we grew up learning the importance of saying I'm sorry and Thank you. Sam's mother has not taught her daughter the right way to apologize. Sad.

Dawn- I know they like this girl, but have you ever thought of limiting their time with her? I understand the want to give this girl a good home, provide the right environment, but at what cost? I don't mean to sound like a horrible person, but to be honest my children come first as they are my own and I am responsible for them. If another child isn't a good influence, or simply is always hurting my children I put an end to it. And if Naomi is really having an issue standing up for herself, you may need to stand up for her. It may mean intervening when they play and telling Samantha that she'll have to leave the house if she doesn't apologize for doing something mean. Perhaps that sort of direction will help Samantha to change her ways, but if not you may need to cut the ties so that your daughters can grow and enjoy their childhood. Namaste-Anora

this little girl has awful parents so i suppose it's not too surprising that she's turning into a monster. your daughter has to come first though even if it means neglecting sam a bit. your kid's probably a really good influence though...

That is the craziest thing that I have ever heard a parent tell a child. That is why all of the kids now a days do not have any manners. I have small children and they are expected to be kind and use nice words. This also includes respecting others. Is that who you want your daughter to hang out with/ She could pick up on all that.

That is just terrible I just can not understand Parents today I really can't. It makes me angry when Children get treated that way and then to be brought up to be rude is just terrible

It is always sad when children are being raised by babysitters, and their parents can not take the time to be bothered with their own kids. It is no wonder she acts up. Perhaps you could have her over to your house a bit, and hopefully some of your families good manners, and behavior will rub off on her. She is a child that is growing up but is not being raised. Her behavior could very well get worse as she gets older, if no adults take time to care for her.

You're a better person than I am, because I do my best to keep my children away from others like that, and I know it's not the child's fault. That's the sad part. This child is going to grow up remaining exactly the same. Nobody will like her, and she'll forever have this attitude of never needing to apologize. Mostly, I just want to slap that girl's mother.

I also have a neighbour with a real horror of a child. Actually she is also a friend and she so criticises my handlin of the tiwns whilst I am trying to stop her adopted son from hurting my grands. he does nt have any of the complaints that she says he has - he behaves perfectly when she is not there, he is abusive to her and I am amazed that an 8 year old can verbally and physically abuse his mother and get away with it! I don't have any solutions but to bring it to the attention of the person incharge of the centre and let her speak to the mother and also puncish the child if she is being mean. Spunds spoilt rotten to me.

I too came across my husband's niece who has this attitude issue as well. Every time when she come to my house I tried to dicipline her. But she listens for awhile then she she repeats her mistake. At times, I don't blame her as well as it was never thought by her parents. I informed to her mother regarding her daughter, instead of understanding the problem and fixing it she supports her misbehaving daughter. Well what can we do when the child's own parents have no interest?!

That girl is desperately seeking attention and does not want anyone to give attention to someone else, and to achieve that she behaves the way she does. Just let it go for a while and see if she improves. If that fail, then you could try talking to her about why she is the way she is. A little communication goes a long way.