Is it too soon?

I think the problem is not 9 months or not but rather is the boy ready to let the girl go into his life. The thing is before this key sharing activity, their lives are somehow joined together but still the boy still have his own flat to hide from when there are problems. But once the key is given to the girl, that freedom is lost and thus the boy may feel not comfortable of seeing that so suddenly.

Yes, I think it is too soon to decide to stay over. Anway, they have decided to stay over and get redy to share, why didn't the boy share his key with her. I think the girl has taken right decision, but she could have talked to him open and know what is his part...I mean why did he hesitate to give the key.

Hi Paula! I think your friend's boy friend's reaction was unexpected. I feel before saying 'No' to your friend about giving her key to his house, he would have explained in details about the reasons for not handing over the key to her. He might have some personal reasons for not allowing her access to his house in his absence. I have a feeling that everything went wrong in this case. Firstly, there was no need for your friend to ask for the key of his house, she could have gone later to the house when he would have reached earlier than her. Then, he saying 'No' straight away is also uncalled for. Then both ending the relationship on this issue/pretext also appears inappropriate. I feel that both should sit together one more time to explain the issue between them. It is easier to break a relationship than to nurture it for 9 months and to maintain it. All the best to your friend.

Of course this is all assuming that they've done the "dirty"/the "deed"/whatever - then I don't think it's too soon. After all - don't you know by then if this person is someone you can trust with your material stuff? I understand where she's coming from - she felt like he doesn't trust her enough. If I was in her shoes - I would probably do the same thing (the breaking up part)! You don't stay with someone for 9 months (and assuming they had a "dating time" where they got to know each other before they figured that they'd wanna be in a relationship)if you don't trust them. Though I do think it's a little bit forward of her to ask for a key. I wouldn't ask for a key - I'd wait for an invitation.

I really don't think it is too soon. Good for her. What kind of man does that? It is natural that when you want 5 slices from a cake and having one left you will have to pay for the entire cake. I hope you know what I mean. If the guy didn't want her near it means he had something or should I say someone else in mind. I am all for privacy ,but please... Let's be realistic here. If the girl was ok for spending the night with him almost daily after 9 months of relationship it figures she would be good enough to move in with him. I mean ,this is what grown up people do. Sorry I'm a bit cynical here but responsibility is something quite grand in people,both genders included.

9 months, enough of time for dating and to know each other. I think the girl did what was expected on her part. And about the boy, he should regret for what he did. I don't see anything wrong in sharing the keys if you truly trust your partner and moreover, if you are spending nights with each other.

Had I been in your friend's place, I would have done the same. Nine months is a long time to entrust each other. What could have been there, that had made him refuse the keys! I think, this is not just about the keys but a larger issue on is trust and dis regarding her. I think, she did the right thing.

I don't think it is too soon. A lot of people share keys after one month. It comes down to how secure a person feel. He might have things like paper work which would reveal things that his girl friend don't know about. Or maybe it is just a pile of playboy magazines at the bottom of his cupboards. One thing we know for sure... is that women are the biggest snoop in the world... and if you have something to hide... you don't give her the key. lol So that is probably all it is. It could also be that he is not ready to let her move in... or even having her coming in any time she feels like it. Who knows?

Hey paula, my first reaction to your discussion was, what has he he got to hide? If can't trust a friend, let alone a girl he has been dating steadily for that lenght of time, then he is a very bad judge of character, or he doesn't trust anybody. If it were me, she would have the key, no question about it! I'd be so lucky that a girl would ask for my key!

The only valid reason I can think of for him not giving her the key was that as it was to be their first weekend with her stayng at his he wanted to prepare something really special for when she arrived. But if that was the case then surly he could have said so? I am assuming she has already been to his place before now? If that is the case then after nine months I see no reason for him not to accept her reasons for wanting the key. If the alternative was to wait for him somewhere with her bag of items for the weekend for some considerable time then it would seem logical that she had the key. It suggests that he is not ready to accept someone in his life yet I think I would have acted the way he did if he had not come up with a reasonable motive for not giving her the key. Nine months of seeing each other regularly suggests that they are preparing to be together for longer and I don't consider it too soon to have the key at all. In my opinion they should get to the bottom of the reason he did not want her to have it and if it is obvious that he is not willing to share his private life then she should move on. She has her life to live and I don't think that should include hanging around waiting for someone else to decide whether he wants her in or out of his day to day life. If he wanted to be with a person forever that should not have been a problem. I guess this was a huge shock for your friend and I hope she will make the right decision and, whichever it is, she will be able to move on and get over this incident.

It's not too soon, but never too late. I mean, what harm could a girlfriend of 9 months do? Rob? Kill...? I feel that there's a bit of justification there for why your friend is stunned. But then again, perhaps if your friend loves him, she could have asked him in details like whether there had been a bad experience or some sort. But his resounding NO is a bit uncomfortable to me. Can't he just explain nicely. Perhaps that's why your friend left him. To answer your question, I think the right time to share keys is when a couple is in a committed relationship and usually instincts are there to tell us that the person is safe enough and can be trusted. Use our gut instincts and if we trust each other, a key is just a small matter. I can give more than my keys if I trust someone. I can even give a duplicate key to the bike...just a thought there.

Nine months of exclusive dating is certainly long enough to know whether they can trust each other. What did he think.........she was going to sell off his apartment contents on E-Bay? The giving of keys implys commitment. Obviously this guy wants the benefits of the body but not the mind. So I think your girl friend showed great strength of character in ending the relationship. But I do feel for her heartache.

Hmmm. Weird. Well i think the boy only wanted your friend's body and did not have any attachments with her. Otherwise he would not have hesitated to give her the key. That simply means he has something to hide. And trust does not come in one day. I have learned it the hard way. But 9 months is enough in my opinion. And in my view here the right time is when they can trust each other completely.

Haha,they have not married,and I think it is ordinary that they have privacy each other.

I would be really hurt and would also be thinking of ending a relationship since it would appear he didn't trust her enough to have a key to his place..and for her to be alone at his place. Apparently he has much to hide and has a trust issue. I think that 9 months is enough time to have built enough trust that she should have been given a key..

I agree, 9 months is plenty of time for him to know if he can trust her or not. Clearly he does not, and as a relationship has to be built on mutual trust, she did the right thing in ending the relationship.

I'm going to bee the bad person now and say that both of them were right. It doesn't matter how long you go out or date, if he feels that he needs he's privacy and her asking for the hose key was too much then he is right to have he's feelings and opinion. Also she was right to think that she should ask for the key BUT she should have also thought about getting an answer that she wont like. I mean she assumed something and she was wrong so being upset and braking up would be just an act of a spoilt child. Love is yes a matter of caring and sharing but its also a matter of compromises. Any relationship will have ups and downs and if she can't handle no as an answer then nothing good comes out from it. I know I sound like I'm siding with the man in this but I'm seeing thing as they are.

Nine months is quite a while but still not that long. Its possible that the issue with him is not to do with trust or anything but quite simply that he is not ready to give up his private space. I think if I am honest I would be reluctant to give out a key too simply because my home is my place and once I gave a key out then it would not just be mine anymore. I can see your friends side too though, it must have hurt really bad for him to say no like that. I dont think my hubby had a key for a year or more when we got together!

Yes, I think it is very soon. Off course there are so many people who will be not be comfortable with this. Personally speaking, even I won't agree for that. She did a mistake of breaking it up with him. She should have realized that and infact should carry on with him, and ultimately one day aftr having a strong relationship, he will give the keys.

Though the girl was already seeing the boy each night, I think the boy didnt feel it's not proper to give her the key of his house. Giving her the key may mean she has the right over the house, that the boy is not yet ready of. I think it's too soon. Their relationship is not that strong yet. To the boyfriend maybe, though they have a relationship, the girl is still a guest and being him the owner of the house, he must the only one to hold the key. The girl should have understand and didn't walkout, ending their relationship, that way. She may air her feelings of disappointment to hear her boyfriend's side. I think the right time to share keys is when you're engaged to be married or when you decided of living together.