Am I too picky? Or what?
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
June 18, 2009 10:01pm CST
I've been having the worst luck with men recently.
I split up with my boyfriend back in the fall, and after a few months decided to get back into the dating scene.
I joined a dating website, and very shortly started meeting a lot of interesting guys. I went on a few dates, but the one guy I liked the most was pretty fresh out of his most recent relationship and wasn't ready to commit quite yet. I gave him time, and that backfired -- he got back together with his ex.
I moved on, and since then have met a few guys through friends or the website. I've gone on several dates, but I don't seem to click with many of the men I meet. Every once in awhile there will be one I'll get really excited about only to discover that he's (just to name a few): secretly hung up on his ex (who dumped him a year ago), way too picky about every aspect of his life, into having a large family and not willing to negotiate (I don't really want any kids), a complete and total narcissist who tells me his entire life story in the first conversation (yet who knows NOTHING about me, still), or a total bad boy who isn't relationship material.
Since the beginning of February I have probably met over 20 different men, and gone out with at least 12 different guys. The most recent disappointment, I actually really liked and thought would be something worth pursuing, however 4 days have gone by with no word, even though he text messaged me after the date and told me he thought I was really cool and beautiful. I expected I would have heard something by now, but nothing, so I guess it's time to cut my losses and move on.
I just feel so confused and upset.
5 people like this
13 responses
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
19 Jun 09
Well since we are as much of a mystery to men as they are to us I think you should text him just to say hi and see how that goes. We live in a world where the man doesn't have to make the first move anymore. Even though it's not a relationship yet you can still look at it this way, You have to give as much as he does if you want it to work. For alll you know he just might be a little shy deep down and may be worried you don't like him since you have not talked to him as much as he hasn't talked to you ya know? he might be waiting on you calling him or texting him.
Good luck
2 people like this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
20 Jun 09
Maybe you are right, Strawberry. Maybe he was waiting for a response from bree.
Bree...how did you respond to his complimentary text?
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
20 Jun 09
I did respond to him, but that was the end of our conversation. :(
@vetiver12 (163)
• Spain
20 Jun 09
I don´t think you´re too picky. I know that relationships are difficult, because there are lot of factors, that have to meet to make the story successful.
There´s even a book called scientific seduction, it talks about the woman and how hard it is to connect with some man. Because they have a different language, very different that the woman.
"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus", that´s the book, it´s author is John Gray, even the writer himself, had problems in the relationship with his own wife, and with his experiences, and throughout the time, and learning from zero, he began to understand how his wife behaved in some way, and when he began to understand her woman, the things got better between then, because there were very close to be separated.
The same way, guys speak differently than us, have different ways to show his feelings. And it´s difficult for us to understand them.
2 people like this
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
i dont think that is being picky. we women have the right to be picky or choosy, specially if we are hurt in the past relationship. but dont be upset someone, somewhere ther is someone who is perfectly fit for you. dont try to find him for he will come. the more you look the more you end up to people you dont really like or dont get empressed at all. for now just got with the flow. enjoy going out and dont depress yourself on finding that guy. just have fun for the mean time. dont expect too much on your dates but just have fun. goodluck
@Mikaela_taz25 (1842)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
No, there's nothing wrong with you. I believe that it's the right of us women to pick the right men for us
. what you did is perfectly normal. Because there are lots of women out there simply chooses a few or one and gets really disappointed in the end because they didn't choose any other options than just one guy. but am just glad you did that because you might end up choosing the wrong guy..
@zzyw87 (1254)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
No, you are not picky at all. You just want to have a really good and suitable guy for yourself and that is not wrong. It is better to wait for that one special guy than always going on dates and having bad relationships. I waited a while for the right guy for me. Now I found him and everything is going good for years now. Just be patient, even if it means a year or two. The right guy will come.
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Patience my dear, you will find the right man out there.. Its just that you have not met your match yet.. The harder you go looking for him, the easier it will be to lose him.. From what I have noticed about myself and other people that are looking for their soul mate; the less likely you are to find it.. Have you heard of that song lyric, "You can hurry love", well that is true.. You will find it when you least expect it.. Its like that twenty dollar bill you find when you are doing laundry.. And just the other day you were looking high and low for it.. You may be looking in all of the wrong directions and that someone may be staighting right in front of you, but you are so busy looking in every other direction you do not see him.. Good luck and one day you will find him..
2 people like this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
Well I guess there is nothing wrong with the way you choose your partner and I guess you are very wise in choosing since you seem to have a a guide that you follow in finding your ideal partner. It just so happen that none meets your taste. Well I do not find anything that is wrong with you and your attitude towards them. So go on and wait for love to directyou to your man of your dreams.
One thing that you have to be aware is that there is no perfect or ideal man around. One might have defect somewhere else so do not expect everything will be in that person you like.
2 people like this
@eshaan (6188)
• India
21 Jun 09
i think you are in too much hurry to find one...just be patient and i believe that the rgiht man will come at right time...never hunt for them, you will be more happy when you get someone when you are not expeceting...that is my personal opinion...rest good luck !!!
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
20 Jun 09
The best way to meet the right person for you, is to stop looking. The harder you look, the more desperate you become (or seem) and the less desireable you are.
If you just go on with your life and do the things you enjoy the most you will meet guys that are doing the same things you are doing, that you love to do. So you will find someone with things in common with you, and in a natural setting, instead of a dating setting. People lie and act phoney on dates, and you often don't find out until it is too late, what a JERK they really are. Had you only known this in the beginning, you could have not bothered to waste your time on them.
Try going out just for your own enjoyment. You don't need a man to make you complete. You have to love yourself first anyway, so just go out and enjoy life to the fullest you are able to.
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
27 Jun 09
Maybe by now you've heard from this man, and things are going along nicely. I hope so - but if not, rest assured there is someone out there waiting for you, and you'll probably find him when you least expect it. He might even be right under your nose and you haven't noticed! Sometimes we look on people as friends because we like them a lot and have loads in common with them - but we don't look on them in a romantic way. Many close friendships have become long and enduring relationships, because being a kindred spirit with someone lasts long after the initial lustful attraction we might have with someone who's only attractive on the outside. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@charlenmendoza (922)
• Philippines
20 Jun 09
i understand your feelings but i think your not picky, your just protecting yoursefl not to get hurt again. I am in the same situation right now, i was in the point of giving up on looking for true love becasue of my failed relationship. but im still young and i know somewhere out there, a man for me is waiting.
1 person likes this
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Girl, we've all been there. I had actually joined a dating website several years ago, before I went to grad school. It was a nightmare! I learned within a couple of months that online dating wasn't for me.
I am pretty picky too. I found something wrong with everyone I dated. Either that or, like you, I found someone I was interested in, and they just weren't that into me.
You will find the guy for you at some point. It may not be soon, but it will happen. Just keep in mind that the perfect guy doesn't exist, and figure out what you like or can deal with from there.
The man I ended up marrying was our grant coordinator in grad school! It totally caught me off guard, because I wasn't even looking for a man then!
Just be happy, go do fun things with friends, and figure out what YOU want out of life, not taking into consideration anyone else that you may want in it. If you take steps to make you happy as an individual, the rest will eventually fall into place.
