Very big age difference between siblings and effect.

Hi Subha there is a regional proverb[Tamil] and I do not know if you know Tamil;it says that while ploughing the field a fellow got news of the birth of a baby brother and immediately the plough slipped off his hand[because he was jealous and distressed];THis proverb is very well written in tamil and shows that whatever be the age of the first child [more and more when the age is greater] the child gets insecure and threatened on the arrival of a sibling. It is very natural. At this point of time, if the parents ignore the first child or expect immense maturity and cooperation from the first one ,her behaviour would be doomed for the rest of her life. Npow your neighbour needs to exercise some caution in her approach to the elder one.UNfortunately, she is in a stage where ashe is going to be in the 10th and {+2 and this spells potent risk in the whole scenario.. At least one parent should devote some special attention to her.I have seen many students of mine who always wilted under the sibling syndrome.

yes, this is very true... i have witnessed more than one cases of this.. the first case was a neighbour who was the 'only daughter' for 15 years, suddenly learnt her mom was pregnant - she didnt actually mind at firts because she had two younger brothers, but when the baby came and it was a girl- she totally changed - she wasnt nice to her mom especially, and didnt want to even look at her baby sister, but something happened and she changed after that - in fact, she became very protective of her baby sister.. i guess time will help your neighbour get used to the 'new addition'.. but more importantly, her parents and family must really assure her of their love and attention for her will not change with the arrival of the baby.. i say this because folks tend to treat 'older children' differently when a new baby comes to the family.. 15 is already a 'difficult age' (teenagers) and i hope her whole family will help her adjust herself..

Yup, this is definitely very common when there's a new member in the family and everyone's attention is on that baby. For 15 years the girl has been the center of her parents' world and now she has to share it or worst, the attention has been completely transferred to someone else. It's also because she's a teenager and such changes is a lot more difficult to take when you're a teenager.

I have this friend whose sisters are approximately 12 years elder to her. Well they are not blood sisters, but since she spends a lot of time with her some things can be noticed. The worst thing is they never seem to take her seriously enough to let her be her. They always give her all the work and when she says she wont do it, they just make fun of her and make her do it. I thought having siblings elder to you gives an opportunity to learn a lot from them and their experiences. Looks like I was vouching for the wrong side.. bourne

I never seen anything like that before in my entire life.My siblings and i have very wide gap in age.My eldest brother is 35 and i am 22 and my youngest brother is just 9.We seem to be able to get along quite well and also having a great time together.Sometimes people will be mistaken for taking my youngest brother and my eldest brother as father and son.I don't think age gap will affect the relationship,just spend more time with each other and you will feel the warm relationship with each other...

i think its really true because i experienced it myself! i am 10 years older than my brother. when he was born, yes i am very happy for the thought that i am having a baby brother, an addition to our family, but when time pass by, i feel something different...maybe its jealousy for attention. and i think its something that is normal for a child who is only daughter for ten years, gets all the attention and everything and then all of a sudden, here's a new baby who gets all the attention that's once given to her... . but my mom is so nice, that when she notice my changes she talked to me nicely and explains the situation...and i understands. another thing that changes after having my baby brother is that i developed a feeling of being suppressed...which is very wrong. coz i am just 10 years old then and still wants to play all day with my neighbors but i have to lessen my time of playing coz my mother sometimes asks me to help her in taking care of the baby...and sometimes i don't like that! hehehe...but since i can't do anything, i have to obey my mom and takes care of my baby brother which i think is just the right thing to do... now, that my brother is 18 and i am 28, i can proudly say that we really have a very good relationship...she respects me and listens to me as her big sister and i still do take care of him as my baby brother and i am always here for him. i think the things that happens when we are young helps to build a stonger relationship and bonding between us. and its all because my mom didn't stop in explaining to me and makes me understand the situation of having a little brother after years of being an only child... so i think its with the parents...how they handle situations like this and they should talk to their daughter and makes her understand the new situation and of course don't let her feel that she is out of picture...still gives her the attention & love that she needs... have a nice day!

Of course she is jealous and has every right to. On top of that, it’s a boy! Her world has practically crashed around her and people are expecting her to behave normal. The parents are irresponsible to say the least…they should not have had another child after so many years. If there were children in between then it would have been OK…suddenly from being the queen of the sky, this poor girl has become just another child…an elder sister who is expected to understand and love and care for her baby brother. And she is in her adolescence, time when she needs her parents (mother esp.) most…both for physical as well as mental and educational guidance and her parents have left her high and dry and angry just now! I feel sorry for the girl.

I have never heard of such thing. Many parents actually prefer to have children with such large gaps in between so that both children would have as much of their attention as they could give and as required by such young age. I have cousins with the same age gap and they are very loving with each other. The older brother took care of the younger one and they both trust each other. It's a very good relationship. Their parents never had any similar problem as you have described. Also, such problem can be resolved. If the parents would only give the older daughter a serious talk and treat her like a young adult, she would most likely understand. Also, they should make her feel like she is needed by her younger sibling - that will make her feel like a responsible lady. Thanks for the response on my discussion :)

The big age gap between siblings really bring some problems especially if the parents didn't explain to the child or children that another addition to the family is coming. I have witness families who have new born babies and the youngest child is almost an adult and still can't understand why his/her mother is having another baby which made her/him rebellious. Reasons are she/he needs to help in the caring of the baby and there are members of society that make jokes or comments that the baby is not your sibling but your child.

my friend - most likely the reason that the girl is acting up is to get attention since she feels that all the attention is being diverted to the new sibling. I have a 13 years old stepson, an 8 years old daughter and just gave birth to another daughter a couple of months ago. My stepson does not live with us, so he didn't really have a hard time adjusting to the baby...however, my daughter had a hard time b/c for 8 years, all the attention was on her (since she lives w/ us - my stepson lives in another country and comes visits often). Anyhow, inorder for my daughter not to feel left out, we made sure to include her in all the activities, such as feeding (i feed, she burps), diaper changes, showers, etc.....that way, the adjustment has been a bit easier for her. I aslo make sure not to skip any of my daughters regular activities, such as her swimming lessons or gymnastics....