My 2nd night here thought I would say hello

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It is my 2nd night back I use to be on a while back a whole bunch of things had been going on for a long minute plans always plans it seems in life that is all we have. It is good to be back but in ways it amazes me I somehow managed to let over a year of my time slip by and not even realize it. Life is good though I have spent the last year or so building upon my family's future and it seems as if we are about to move onto the next step which amazes me. About 9 years ago I bottomed out lost it all and even about 7 years ago if that I was almost really looking at some legal trouble from all of it but somehow life has been kind to me I have had challenges many of those but through it all I have kept faith and kept going. I went from the steps of ruin in so many ways to where I am right now I am in the process of buying my first home by the end of August. I know some may be like that is great I should be on top of the world and dont get me wrong I am but coming from such a disfunctional history it brings much much tension. I had been trying to meditate which sometimes helps (it does not help much I quit smoking about 3 weeks ago) but overall I have been very tense with no where to release it to until last night maybe that is why I write this now most likely no one will see but I have my release and perhaps find some relief if only for a night. Last night I finally fell alsleep something always a job for me I am on meds to help with my sleep disorder as well as having sleep apnea so sleep is always a hard thing for me and yet for the first time I fell into a deep sleep only to awake from one of the most awesome storms I have ever seen. As a kid I have always loved thunderstorms the worse the better I always believed it was like the gods the earth whatever higher power one may believe is out there was washing or crying all the bad and wicked and perhaps giving us a new day to begin anew. This storm last night was so raw so almost violent it woke me from the deep sleep most people would become scared or whatnot and I found pure comfort and release from any and all anxiety within. I listened to the thunder watched the lightening for a while at least an hour and felt a calm fall over me until I fell into a sleep a sleep I had not seen for many a weeks since I found out I could buy a house or be in that position. I dont know why it is so hard for me to handle success I believe I deserve it I guess it comes from always being told I would never be anything so deep down one tends to fear it true but after that I seen it as a sign from above. I dont know what will happen I should get the loan but even if I dont I still am worthy of it and next year try once again Sorry about my rants for those if anyone did read it since my original point was to say hi