Is it possible to be "just friends" with your ex?
By Rain18
@Rain18 (14)
United States
June 20, 2009 2:25pm CST
So I have been dating my current boyfriend for a few months and we have been doing great, but our only problem seems to be our ex's. His ex gf was a horrible person (his words not mine) and so he doesnt keep in touch with her but im still friends with my ex and he just totally doesnt understand why. My ex recently invited me to a match of his and my bf duznt want me to go or if i do go with him there which i think is being paranoid. My ex is still a good friend of mine and we do still talk and hang out cuz we have no hard feelings toward each other and we know we are just friends now but everyone is making a huge deal about it. My boyfriend thinks my ex is going to steal me lol my bestfriend thnk we still like each other and my other friends thnk its soooo wrong for me to talk to him like its one of the seven deadly sins or something. I mean is it so hard to believe that an ex gf and bf cant just be friends? my new theory is that if u were friends before you went out ull be friends after u break up and if u werent friends before then ur only still talking because you probably still have feeling for that person, but it still is possible to stay friends with them..i think
so tell me, do you think its possible?
1 person likes this
17 responses
@andresimp (818)
• India
20 Jun 09
i wont say it is impossible, but it is difficult. you cannot forget the past and move friendly with each other. it is better not to have any friendly relationship after break up. probably just an hi- bye relationship would work out
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Of course it is possible. I have seen many couples turn into friends from being lovers. Whatever that past is, let it remain in that past. One cannot move on if he or she is still holding on to the past. Now, you just have to make sure or assure your current boyfriend, that the ex will just be a friend and what is important now is this person you are with. As long as he is assured, then there is no reason for him to be jealous.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
21 Jun 09
Good for you that your ex is still your friend.
But I'm guessing that your ex is a guy.
And, most guys will only be your friend if they
think there is a possibility that one day soon,
the friendship will blossom into more.
Ask any guy and he'll tell you that!
That's why your current guy is so scared he will lose you.
Cause chances are, when your current bf messes up,
you'll go running to your ex and chat it over and then
that could lead to something more.
That's what your ex bf is hoping for.
Unless you really want that, you should be more careful.
Anyway, I'd be suspicious of his ex's too. They're up
to no good. What you suspect is most likely real.
@jerzgirl (9327)
• United States
21 Jun 09
I think it's possible, but depending on how recent the split is or how attracted you might still be to him, it might be difficult. Some people just lose all romantic feeling and only have remaining a generic caring for the person. Others detest their ex. I don't ever want to be friends with my ex, although I can be a friend TO him and be friendly WITH him, the pain he caused keeps me from ever wanting any kind of relationship with him. He decided to hug me once and it made my skin crawl. But, I know others who are still friends with their exes and they get along well. Others are merely friendly with, get along with, but don't want any social interaction with. I can understand your BF's concerns, but only you know whether or not it's truly over.
@candy2306 (576)
• India
21 Jun 09
Hi Rain18, I think it is possible. Why can't ex be friends? If one sincerely believe in friendship. The limit is alway kept very visible and never cross the border. Since they've been together before, it's very easy to get back together! So keep a close watch.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
OF COURSE! It doesnt mean you ended a relationship, you cant be just friends. I mean, you two had history and lets admit, things had been great, too bad it didnt work out fine. But then, thats another chapter in your life. if you cant be civil with your ex, then maybe youre still bitter about the break up and cant be cool about it.
Although my current bf, just like your's doesnt think thats prudent to be just friends with ex's which is always an issue. Although i understand that there are fears there, considering the fact that you and your ex had a thing, but thats already trust issue.
@maikarumike (457)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 09
i think it is very possible just to be friends with your ex because that relationship of yours and her or him was over long time ago.Maybe you still have certain feelings for each other or maybe a feeling of awkwardness towards one another but going out a few times will definitely clear off the whole thing. However i think that everyone can think properly and will not be having a mind for nothing. Ofcourse our ex-es will respect the current relationship we are in now and will not do anything stupid to destroy it and make it worst or to get us back.
@eLsMarie (4345)
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
confront your boyfriend about your good intentions of still being friends with your ex... uhmmm.... among my ex's, i have 2 former boyfriends whom until now has negative feelings for me... i don't like to be friends with the first one because i'm not over... i mean... i still love him.... the other one is that he doesn't want me to be his friend because we had a terrible break up and i really don't know with him... so that's it... :)
@marites31 (267)
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
this is the one that i want to do best. to make friends with my ex. since we started as friends but i guess it will take time for it to happen. the reason for this is because there are some things that still hurts you both when you are seeing each other. we cannot patch the things that made us separated and its very hard to be open at each other again. being casual is fine but its not really comfortable. so i guess it really need time for the wounds to heal and be friends again.
@carrotman92 (446)
• United States
21 Jun 09
Not my Ex, that bit** was a whackjob, let me tell you, i can smile or say hi occasionally but i dont want to be anywhere near her. she is weird and she has some learning to do on how to have a realationship with someone. and how to keep the fire burining so to say!
@AndrewBoi (369)
• Philippines
21 Jun 09
yes, it's very possible. Maybe it would take some time.
That's sad.
About your present Bf, I think he is just protecting you in his own way. As a girlfriend, you have to respect his decisions. If you can't then you both have to talk about it. You have to sacrifice if you really love your present BF. Are you still in love with your ex?
You can still be friends with your ex even if you are not close to him. You can be friends in some other ways.
Just understand your present boyfriend.
@aerohero (20)
• China
21 Jun 09
it is hard to say i think
i love my current girlfriend deeply and we are going on together smoothly.
a few days ago my ex come back from abroad.i still consider her as a good friend,so i invited her for a dinner,then she said that she still love me and cant live without me.
all of that beyond my expection,i cant say a word at that moment.
so,it is hard to "just friends" if you have been loved each other.
@raininaz (14)
• United States
21 Jun 09
The topic of jealousy is a sticky one.... Im ina similiar relationship with my husband, except i dont mind if he talks to his exes. He minds if I talk to mine. Thus a double standard is created. Have you invited your new b/f to hang out with your ex and you? That can relieve a lot of tension. The only thing that will make it better is time. The only reason people remain friends is because they still have feelings for that person, no matter what they may be. This can cause uneasiness in a relationship. Sometimes you have to just move forward and say "is the ex worth sacrificing my current relationship for?" Many times men are not upset about this because they think something is going on, its because their jealous of the time your spending. They want to be with you, they want you to have fun with them, they want to make you laugh etc etc
@dodo19 (47336)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
20 Jun 09
Personally, I do think that it's possible. I'm not saying that it's easy or anything like that, but I am saying that you can be friends with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. It probably doesn't happen every day. However, it still happens. It is still possible for two people to date each other, break up, and still get along very well with each other, as friends, and no longer have strong feelings for this person.
@kalily08 (59)
• United States
20 Jun 09
I think it is possible for you and your ex-boyfriends can still be friends. If your doing nothing wrong, then your current boyfriend should understand and trust you. If he says love/like you, should be able to understand that your true to him that there is nothing going on with you and your ex-boyfriend and you guys are JUST FRIENDS. I had a similar problem and me and my ex-boyfriend and the father of my baby are no longer going out because part of it was because that.
