Contemplated Suicide...
By Seldenta
@Seldenta (39)
United States
June 22, 2009 3:02pm CST
I've often thought about just killing myself to get it over with. All my life i was teased because i was fat and slow and 'stupid'. My sister was a straight A student and i was always told 'Why cant you be more like her?!' because i always got Fs in my classes. My half brother killed himself when i was 4, he was my closest sibling...despite how young i was. My dad chose heroin over me when i was 9, then died from a heroin od when i was 11. I was close to my father as well, he called me his little helper. My mom is always putting me down, i'm unemployed yes but we live in a small town, and the vans broke...how am i suppose to get a job if i don't have a way to work? My mom is diabetic as well, and i take care of her, i monitor her sugar, and call 911 when i have to. My sister is diabetic and there have been cases where my moms sugar was low and my sister just laughed and said 'moms acting weird go look' and left. Yet my sister can do no wrong! THEN theres my 'friend' who is always insulting me, punching me, putting me down. The only thing that is honestly keeping me from doing it, is my dog... because i love my dog to death, and i know that if i kill myself my mom will move down to where my sister is, and put my dog down. Shes only 1 1/2 years old... No i'm not taking any meds...no insurance and i hate meds to begin with. I'm just sick and tired that the people that are suppose to love me only insult me and put me down...and that the two people that truly loved me, are dead...and i just want to be with them.. i miss them, so much.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@doormouse (4599)
•
22 Jun 09
You've had it tough but killing yourself is not the answer,go to see your doctor it sounds as though you have depression.I've been depressed for years it nothing to be ashamed of,it's not your fault,and you shouldn't rule out medication,my meds have saved me from being a complete nutcase.As for your friend,she can't be much of a friend if she treats you like that,she will make you feel worse,which is not what you need.There are plenty more people out there who will want to be friends with you and who will treat you right and help you get through this..I'm going to add you as a friend so if you want to talk just message me xx
@Seldenta (39)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I took meds before, but i tend to forget things..alot. Like my mom will ask me to do something and i'll go 'yea in a few minutes' then an hour or so later she'll go 'i told you to do this' and i'll be like 'huh?' because i cant remember it... I forget other things too...like i did when i was taking my meds. And without insurance or a job i can't really afford them... Theres also this fear of being like my mom...all my life i've watched my moms meds grow in number. Started with five now its up to like 20 pills a day.
@whatrow (792)
• United States
25 Nov 11
It is a good thing that you at least have your dog to hang on to. The way people have been treating you is needlessly cruel. To survive the negative avalanche, you have to stop listening to them so you will be able to see yourself for the person you really are. You have a major self-image problem. Hang in there!
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Hello Seldenta,
So sorry you feel that way to yourself. But regardless of what's your problem, you don't have the right to kill your self. There's reason for everything. Your Mom should not treat you that way for without you nobody will take care of her. It's a lot of help for you're there beside her. She's so lucky and should be tahnkful to have you around. I believe that's the reason why you can't find a job for taking care of her is a hard job for you don't have compensation at all plus the fact that you can hear something that is negative. Don't mind them, just do your job. Be happy.
@dozhou (326)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I know it is hard to persuade you to live bravely. What I can do is to introduce you a guy named Nick Vujicic and his life without limbs. Nick was born without arms or legs, Faced with countless chanllenges and obstacles, he overcomes any phsical limitation, travels across the world to give speech to young and old, encourage everyone to live bravely. You can find his information through internet. It maybe helpful to you.
@bluerlyn (139)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
im sorry to hear about all these things that are troubling you. the first thing you need to do to get out of that situation is to accept the Lord Jesus as your personal master and savior.
You are obviously being oppressed by the enemy, the evil one. If you try to kill yourself that's a speedway ticket to hell, i tell you. There is hope for you. I pray that you make that prayer, ask for forgiveness for sins and ask the Lord to reign in your life. After you've prayed that prayer wholeheartedly, the Lord will start to move in your life.
I will keep you in my prayers. *big hug*
@zearah (5381)
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
you've found the right place! stay here love the site and be loved, no discrimination here everything is favorite, yeah just talk straight and correct! give and you will receive! be happy, cheer up and let's talk anything under the sun! dog is man's best friend but here you could found your human friends! pray to God who's always with you all the time, the One who watches you every second and every breath of your heart. life so precious, don't give up. explore and tour. visit here regularly and your boredom wash away! yeah, whether you're fat or thin, it's not a deal. here is cooperation and sincerity, that's it! so starting the day you enroll here your class has never been joyful as before, right? here are good smart teachers, cheerful classmates, understanding friends, best environment. here is complete name it and you'll found it! pay attention it's worth of it. read and type. hear and be heard. talk and listen. yeah, so easy isn't it? no time limit, no pressures, no boredom.
here, you are not alone! enjoy
