How do you react to a friend that acts out of character and ....................
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (166915)
Boise, Idaho
June 23, 2009 4:43pm CST
does something that hurts you to the core? I had reason to go and live with an old friend in the Spring of this year. I was only there for two and a half months. Something upsetting happened in my life and gave me cause to go home. Most of you have read the discussion I wrote about the guy and what happened with him and I and the sweet revenge I got. Well, anyway, now I have this to contend with. I was back at my daughter's home and had been here for about a month when she decides to accuse me of stealing some jewelry and dvds from her. Bizarre right? I don't steal and especially not from a friend. This is like a bad dream! And this seemed to just come out of the blue too. Now, there is some other underlying information. Back afew months she seemed alittle upset because I befriended this guy on a social networking site we both were members of as well as she did. She felt he was a great photographer and wanted more information about his pictures but didn't keep him on her list becasue he and I got friendly. [i think this was an excuse and that she liked him]He and I hit it off and got closer as time went by. I think she was alittle jealous. She kept giving me negative feedback about online relationships and such. Well, months down the line he and I quit the relationship we had been building due to the fact that he was a player and I caught him in the act. I showed him to be such and if you read my other posts about this you know the story. So, I told her about it and she was glad it was over. Next thing I know she is acusing me of stealing from her while I lived there and has taken him onto her friend's list on the site. Oh, and she had told him something and won't tell me what it was. I am just amazed at all this and can't believe she would make this acusation and end our friendship. And was it to take up with him? Or, does she really believe I stoled from her? Any thoughts? I am just beside myself with shock and disbelief. She always was alittle out there but I thought she and I had respect for one another and she knew better than to think of me as a theif. I am very hurt. Could she have wanted him bad enough to bad mouth me and acuse me to get him? Too weird.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
24 Jun 09
CE-
Well, I suppose I'm odd but I don't consider myself friends with my daughters or son. I'm their parent. I may be misreading this, so I'll address it from the friend issue as well.
I am not familiar with your other posts as I've only been here a short time, but I think that sometimes friendships can be strained, especially when living with each other. And, especially if there is a man involved. I had a girlfriend once who went out of her way to break a friendship between me and a guy she liked. The good thing was, he was smart enough to get both sides of the story and the truth has a way of working its way out.
I've never been accused of stealing from a friend, so I can't imagine what that is like other then to try to empathize with you. That she'd show you so little trust especially when you two are sharing a space. My thoughts do say that perhaps she misplaced her dvd's and perhaps that is why she accused you of stealing. Not that it makes it right mind you, but perhaps in her mind that is how she came to it.
In terms of her motivations to gain a "man", women can be down right devious. Not that all of us are like that of course, but I've seen some women do some pretty underhanded things just to get a man they wanted. That said at least you found out sooner then later he was a player. I mean, if you had entered a serious offline relationship that would have made it worse.
Perhaps she'll just have to find that side of him out on her own.
Have a wonderful week. Namaste-Anora
2 people like this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Jun 09
Thank you for your insight. I don't think I will ever totally understand it all. I just wish I could get past the hurt of it. If I just understood it alittle better I feel like I could do that. The two of them seem to think alike and I doubt they will ever see or understand my side of it all. I just wish he could believe me that I didn't do such a thing. Why is it important that he should? I feel some injustice here. It bothers me. It hurts too.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
24 Jun 09
CE-
It's because you feel the injustice that you feel so strongly that he should know the truth. It's only natural. However, sometimes we need to learn when to stop biting and walk away. A good friend of mine told me a long time ago when I went through a rough patch with an ex-friend that I needed to stop trying to carry everyone else's problems and issues. You aren't responsible for her thinking you stole something. You didn't, and that's the truth. You aren't responsible for what he thinks. Only they can be responsible for their actions.
I'm not sure if we ever truly get over the hurts though. I think that they simply become a part of us, like the rings of a tree as it grows. Better yet, like the knobs you find on some older trees. It doesn't stop the tree from growing, it simply becomes a part of it. Eventually the memories and hurts fade into the background,and take on the look of a Monet painting. It does take time, but eventually you'll remember it but it won't hurt as much.
Namaste-Anora
2 people like this
@gypsywoman344 (214)
• United States
24 Jun 09
Sometimes you have to address the issue to both of her friends. Sometimes there is and under laying problem we just arn't seeing. I quess it really depends on how she REALLY feels about their friendship and no-one can answere that but her.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Jun 09
Sounds like some kind of excuse to me and from the sounds of it is all to do with this horrible guy! Wow so not worth losing a friendship over but then I guess she obviously thinks he is worth it. It must be really upsetting for you being accused of stealing and I am not surprised you are so hurt, I would be too.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
27 Jun 09
Its surprising how sometimes it takes a while for folks to show their true colours and sometimes its surprising how easy it is for people to turn on their supposed friends! I dont think I will ever understand people!!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
31 Oct 09
It is amazing to me as well. I don't think I will ever get over it. I just don't understand. And now I am finding that I am not the only susposed friend she did this sort of thing to. Talk about never understanding people.........oh ya.
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Jun 09
Ya, it does to me as well. I really thought she had it going on alot better than she is showing now. I am very hurt. Very surprising behavior as well. I never would have thought it.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
24 Jun 09
You never really know what goes on in peoples minds even if they are kin.
am sorry she has accused you of this.
Maybe you can get into her mind and find how it works!
as for that feller he is nothing to win from any one he will play her like he did you and if she isnt to young she will figure that out. Good Luck Hugssssssssssssss
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Jun 09
Ain't that the truth of it though. I believe in Karma and it will take care of the situation for me. Thank you sweetie. Hugs back at ya.
@OConnell87 (1042)
•
23 Jun 09
well shes not a friend, ok so people can't help being jealous but they don't have to make up lies about you like the stealing because they are jealous. She dosen't sound right in the head, and yeah i reckon she did acuse you to get him, some people are that desperate and will ruin a friendship so cut her off completely
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jun 09
No, she isn't. Not right in the head. I have wondered for awhile and now I know. Sad. Yes, jealousy is just silly. Desperate? Ya, I think so.
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
25 May 12
It really is. That the friendship meant that little to her.
@Anne18 (11029)
•
9 Apr 12
Sometimes when people want a man so badly they do things they don't think they will ever do. But you should never bad mouth your freinds, as friends can last longer sometimes than relationships.
I don't think she really belives that you stole from her, but its one of the lowest things she could have said as it makes you feel bad and look bad.
She is very wrong in the head and you are better off without her. Let them live in there sad world together and you live in the happy world where people know you and trust you and don't believe the lies that people say.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
25 May 12
Ya, I over looked alot. And now I am still left with alot of questions.
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Apr 12
I realize that now. It is sad. I knew there wasn't something not quite right with her but I tried to still be her friend. Until this happened ofcourse. I feel sorry for her. And it just hurts so badly to have our friendship have to end like this. I had known her for so many years and we had had such good times together. Sad to end it all.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
25 Jun 09
Hi celticeagle! Sadly enough there are people out there cold enough to just that for a potential mate. Stupid..I know...but common. My grandfather once told me that true friends are very hard to come by and most of us will be able to count true friends on one hand. At the time..I didn't really believe that to be true..I loved having a huge group of friends..but as time went on and I trusted them..I had a few really tough wake up calls. I hate that you have run across a person like that. The thing that you can keep in mind is that if she's messing woth that jerk..you and me both know what's going to end up happening to her. I don't think she thinks that at all..if she had..she would have said it a long time ago.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Jun 09
Ya, and she was one of the ones I had counted on that one hand. She was one of the two best and longest friends I had. Wow! Amazing.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
24 Jun 09
I don't know what she was up to, because I don't know her, who knows what her motivation was and why. It is too bad that she feels that way but if you didn't steal the stuff, you didn't and unfortunately the friendship is broken. Yes things like that have happened to me, but not very often.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Jun 09
Yes, the friendship is broken. It will never be the same. I will never trust her. I am no theif. For her to accuse me of that makes me realize just how demented she is. I feel sorry for her. I don't recall ever being accused of such a thing. It is amazing and I won't soon be over it. Thanks.
@gypsywoman344 (214)
• United States
24 Jun 09
I obviously havn't been in the loop. I really don't know the unwritten dialog.
But I really can't understand why somebody would turn on you without provocation.
Especially not over a man. Online friend especially. Sorry about your situatioon but I don't think I can have much to say. Don;t have enough info.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Jun 09
I respect that. I can give you the links if you are interested. Thanks for replying anyway.
@ingridglow (12)
• Trinidad And Tobago
24 Jun 09
i have reallised that we are all different you see. when a very good friend acts out of charater it just blows me away because people are alike that. I have a best friend who I told a secret to and I really tought that the reaction I would have gotton was I dont want to see you again but she was compassionate and she cried with me which is something I have never seen in her do. I have literally grown to love her more as my friend
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Jun 09
Ya, my friend and I had all that and then this. Amazing.
@kbui8989 (1)
• United States
24 Jun 09
Oh my goodness I am so sorry! It seems your friend was completely out of line and very immature about the situation. When it comes to dating, friends before lovers. And obviously she did not value your friendship enough to adhere to that classic rule. However, I do recommend you two discuss what happened. After all, people's heads get clouded when it comes to affairs of the heart. She has been your friend for a while and she deserves a conversation at the very least. Best of luck!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Jun 09
Ya, it is pretty amazing,huh? She has been a friend for along time and this makes it even more unbelieveable. I am trying to express myself to her but she is weird and not sure we will ever get to the bottom of the reasons behind her activities lately. I know I can't trust her anymore.
@ccm288 (2)
• United States
24 Jun 09
Well if it was me I would just say the hell with both of them because if she was an true friend she wouldnt acuse of anything or go behind your back for anything and if the dude was a real man he would have stuck by yourside but in the future we all have to learn how to pick friends so if you knew she was a little out there from the begining that was someone that you should have never befriended
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166915)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Jun 09
I hear ya loud and clear. I agree. I am getting there too. Thanks
