Is it wrong to seek affection outside of the marriage if your spouse............

Hi there.. This must be a really hard time for you. Since you have asked us myLotters for our opinions, I would have to give you an answer which you may not want to hear. I do not think it is ok to seek affection outside your marriage.Its a NO, from me. I think you should do 1 of 3 things: 1- Talk to your husband about exactly how you feel and tell him that unless both of you seek help from a counselor, this marriage is bound to fail. 2- Both you and your friend legally separate from your spouses and then move forward. 3- If you do not want to separate from your husband for the sake of your child, tell him what is on your mind and face the consequences. Tell him he too has the liberty to do as he pleases. Think about it, how would you feel if your husband cheated on you? Answering that question itself will make you realize if you love him and what he would feel like. God bless you! I hope you find happiness.

I think it would be a better idea for you and your husband to seek councelling and work through your problems. I understand how you feel, because my husband and I go through bouts like that too, where I feel so lonely and starved for attention and he just won't give it, instead he'll act like a bit of a jerk. It hurts. But do you really want to end your marriage? Ok, you're taking a break, that's not a terrible thing, some marriages need that. What if in a month from now you two want to get back together? What if you decide how much you love him and can't live without him... but he won't forgive you for being with another man! If you sleep with that man, you've lost your husband forever, and it will be hard for another man to trust you knowing you cheated. And do you really want to do that to this man's wife? How would you feel if your husband did it to you, even if you are seperated? What would you think of that woman he was with? Do you want to be like that woman? The choice is yours, and you'll do what you want, but I really think you should get councelling instead! Good luck.

If your exactly separated it should be okay. Tons of people have arrangements like this. I've been involved in them myself. I works out fine as long as all parties are agreed. Talk to your husband and the other guy about it before you actually do anything. Make sure everyone is clear on the rules. Good luck!

I think that it is wrong to seek affection outside of your marriage. Marriage means commitment and wedding vows are very serious and not to be taken lightly. If I felt that way about my husband I would try to talk to him or else write down a letter for him to read if he didn't want to listen to me. Marriage involves communication and give and take. If he is not willing to do these things then I think you have to re-evaluate your marriage. I have been married for almost 20 years and I can tell you that it is all about trust and communication. You should be able to trust each other completely and can not go outside of your marriage for affection. I wish you luck, try to talk things out with your husband. Otherwised I think that this will drive a wedge between you both. Have a nice day and happy myLotting!!!

I think if you seek affection outside of the marriage it will leave you feeling more lost than ever. It's a terrible feeling when you feel unloved and unappreciated. It would be an EXCELLENT idea to seek counseling, and it doesn't have to be with your husband. It is very easy to see the greener grass on the other side, and sometimes change can be so deeply desired. Be very careful about going outside of the marriage, because it will almost definitely end it.

hi dear, i think it's not wrong to seek some attention outside when you really need one. you are not breaking another family for your comfort. your friend also need attention as you do! i think whatever it happens God have already wrote it on your page of life. all you need to focus is happiness and if you're getting it from your friend then you should hang-on to his shoulder. don't forget your responsibility as a mother towards your son. try to medidate and I really think you need a break. go for a short vacation away from your family to get your mind cleared a little! stop worrying, eat good food and have a peaceful sleep and start focusing what you really want in life! lots of love for you!

I don't want to talk about what's right and what's wrong, because you now better than me what you promised when you merried your husband. If you are this broken now it is because you still care about your family and you don't want to harm them. If you didn't care you would have "resolved" your problems by seeking for affection somewhere else sometime before. What I am doing now is telling you how I did feel when I had the thought of looking for affection outside the couple. Even if you say what will happen will happen, I think you are already prepared to betray your husband, and you wish it will happen. Think it over carefully, because in your state of mind, if you make that decision you will hardly go back to what you were before. Ether you will leave your husband (and that is a solution, if you want) or you will feel guilty and go on worse than before. As for me, my betrayal was only a way to demonstrate myself that I didn't respect my boyfriend anymore. We were done for. If it's only a friend that you need, you can talk to us, ok?

It sounds to me like, although you say you love your husband, your not happy in your marriage any longer. If your seeking someone outside your marriage then what's the point in being married. I've really never understood ppl that cheat on their spouses...I look at it like this, if your unhappy enough to cheat then you obviously aren't happy in your marriage. Also, not to be mean or anything, but where you said "if it happens, it happens...it doesn't mean we don't love our spouses"...that's exactly what it means. Unless you have an open marriage where you both sleep with whoever you want, it's cheating and why would you cheat on someone you love. If your really that unhappy in your marriage and to the point of cheating on your husband, you may take a closer look at just why your staying married...it really sounds like the two of you may be better off living your own lives...without cheating. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]

Yes, it is wrong. If I were to look for affection outside of my relationship everytime me & my girlfriend got into an argument, this relationship wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. She & I have been living together for 5 years now & we do love each other. That's not to say we never had an argument or difficulties in our relationship. I also have a daughter from previous relationship. We've had our share of difficult times but we always have pulled through in the end. At one point, my girl friend went & stayed with my mother for 3 days from the direct result of our argument. As bad as the argument was, she didn't want me to think she was out doing exactly what you are pondering to do. I'm not saying you should stay with someone & stick it out. But remember the vows you took at your wedding. "Through Good & Bad...." What he did in the past is irralavent. It's about what you do as a person. Don't bring yourself down to that level. If you're truely unhappy, then leave. Finalize the divorce & ask your friend to do the same. If your friend is not willing to do the same, then there's nothing there. At least that way, you're your own person. At that point, you're free to do whatever you feel is right.

Well it's just that women look for that needing feeling in their life. I mean every woman wants to feel special obviously. Sometimes the man gives less of this to his wife over the years because they are less sexually attractive to him over time. I'd say hit the gym or make him jealous with a new guy around. It's one way to turn the tables.

I think that kind of affection you're looking for SHOULD be part of the marraige; I think by getting married you both made a commitment to eachother to be faithful and you should stick to that. I think having an affair or looking to another man for affection (especially that of "romantic" affection) would make things REALLY complicated. And I'm sure you don't actually want to do that. Maybe you both could look into some kind of couples counseling or you could confront your hubby about it. He's your husband, he should be more than happy to give you some attention. If not.. (And I'm not trying to be rude or abrasive here, so please excuse me if I'm stepping on your toes!)..There might be something amiss with your marraige & your relationship that you guys need to work on. I can understand how maddening it would be to not receive any attention/affection from the one person who's supposed to be smothering you in it! I don't think it's wrong of you at all. I think it's a legitimate concern, and I can totally understand where you're coming from and why you're so confused. I guess you might be able to find affection/attention in having a best friend or adopting a cuddly puppy. But I'm guessing this isn't the kind of affection & attention that you need. If you can stay friends with this guy you mentioned, and be happy, there's nothing to be ashamed of. If all you want to do is talk & listen - there's no harm in it. It just makes me a little nervous when you say "...if anything beyond that happens it just happens". That makes you sound like you don't have control over what you do; and that you MIGHT end up having an affair with this someone. I think it's OK to have that extra person to talk to; we all need that. But I think beyond that, before it turns into an affair, you should really evaluate your own marraige & see if there's anything you could do to improve before jeopardizing the sanctity of it.

If anything, do not confide in a male friend. It will make matters worst. If things is already not right at home, confide in a trust worthy female friend. A male friend might lead to some unwanted temptation and make it all worst. Please trust me, it happened to someone dear to me. Do not make it worst. Try to sit down and talk to your husband and let him know what is happening. If he is not into talking, leave him a note. Think of your son. If you still love your husband, you know you want this to work out. Unless though, you are ready to end your marriage, which I hope is not the case.