Bad relationship with housemate, how ?
By ucue2008
@ucue2008 (924)
Malaysia
June 25, 2009 10:44pm CST
I have a bad relationship with my housemates. We don't talk, unless it necessary. It's hard especially when we are using the same bathroom and kitchen. It all started when they leave us when there are problems occur and then she started to talk cynically to me. If there are other house, I will gladly move, but there is none. So what should I do? tried to ignore and live peacefully, but it hard, when there things she did I don't like, like bringing guy to the house, and the guy is so thick face. Once he said he don't want to be friend with us, but without shame, he is using my stuff. I wish I could be transfer from here soon.
4 people like this
10 responses
@daliaj (5674)
• India
26 Jun 09
From the situation I think it is better for you to find another place to stay. I faced the same kind of problem a few years ago. You can tell the person directly not to use your stuff and you don't like that. Try to ignore it and be peaceful for the time being at the same time serach for another place to stay. Hope you will find one place soon. All the best!
@ucue2008 (924)
• Malaysia
26 Jun 09
Thank you for replying. that's the problem. There is no other house. I live in quarters, so the house is limited. I really wish there is other house. You see, I do not feel free at that house at all, and I always escape from that house. It also awkward to do things at that house because of it, like cooking and even sitting at the living room. I just wish I could be transfer from here as soon as possible
@mama_bear (1118)
• Canada
26 Jun 09
there are always other places and with the economy the way that it is there are house shares all over the place, some people whose kids have moved from home are like renting out their basements and whatnot to make extra cash. go into a search engine and type in house shares here is site:
www.easyroommates.com
you fill out what you are looking for, price range and all that, and it is a vetted site, so that you do not experience the same problem that you are now. i was in a toxic environment pretty much like yours and it was hard but i moved out. it is better for you, your mental health and quality of life. your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. look for a a place, give your notice then leave. i know that it is not that easy, but it will be better for you this way. good luck!
@ucue2008 (924)
• Malaysia
27 Jun 09
Thank you very much for the feedback.
I really will move out if circumstances allow me, but it not possible for me. I living in a quarters, provided by the employer and there is no other house I can moved, so I have to stay here. Other than quarter, no option too, because I'm in a very secluded place, the quarter is the only decent place I can stay. It hard.
@mama_bear (1118)
• Canada
27 Jun 09
well hang in there, something will come through, and well those who are mean to others get what they deserve in the end, always.
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
26 Jun 09
Hello ucue2008,
That's the reason why I prefer to live with my family member and I was lucky since most of my siblings are living in Kuala Lumpur 
. Well, I am married now and I live with my husband and son. No problems at all as I am the 'housekeeper' 
Maybe you should sit and discuss with her why thing happened like that for both of you. It is very hard to stay together and not to talk to each other. I will feel like an alien!
. Well, I am married now and I live with my husband and son. No problems at all as I am the 'housekeeper' Maybe you should sit and discuss with her why thing happened like that for both of you. It is very hard to stay together and not to talk to each other. I will feel like an alien! @ucue2008 (924)
• Malaysia
26 Jun 09
Thank you for replying. Wow, you live in Kuala Lumpur? I'm from Johor but now working in Sarawak. Discuss? I'm scared of her. She so outspoken and brave, while me, keep everything to myself. Yes, I do feel like an alien at the home and to make things worse, my close friend will move out from the house soon, because she got transfer. I'm sad
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
26 Jun 09
Hello ucue2008,
Now I know how you get your user name here... the youngest in the family, huh? *laughs* I am from BP but working in KL for the past 15 years ago. A kampung girl but get used to city life especially the most- amazing- traffic- jam. Well, it is not about me here....back to your topic... Why you need to be afraid of her? She is just an ordinary human being... be brave and confront her. Ask her why both of you can't be at peace! If you really can't do anything, well need to start looking for another house and stay with new housemate... Good luck!
@patms1 (521)
• United States
26 Jun 09
Whose name is the lease in? If both your names tell her you have the same rights that she does. If not then it sounds like you need to move. Give her a months notice and let the landlord know also. Take pictures of the place before you tell her so that if she tries to say you did damage you will have proof you did not. Make sure you have a newspaper with the days date on it to prove when the pictures were taken or have the landlord have some one there when you take the picture. You see these kind of cases on the judge shows all the time and this is the advice they give. Good luck.
@ucue2008 (924)
• Malaysia
27 Jun 09
Thank you for your feedback
I'm staying at the quarters and it very secluded place, so there is no other option, but to stay here. We don't have to pay because it is provided to us. That mean I don't have the option to stay by my own or to choose who I want to stay with. I'm more prefer to stay by my own actually. The houses are limited and all have been occupied. I guess with this kind of circumstances, I have to bear with it, right?
@patms1 (521)
• United States
27 Jun 09
If your stuck there then what I would suggest is you get an ipod to keep out noise. When you have to speak to them keep it as short and a polite as possible. Keep you own toiletries in your room as this will eliminate problems with ownership. The best way to survive this is to remember the old saying, this to shall pass. Of course some times it passes like a kidney stone. Stay away as much as you can. Maybe you should invite a bunch of friends over and have a loud party.
@jheLaichie (4438)
• Philippines
28 Jun 09
well that is so hard my friend and i can really sense the tension between the two of you. i have tried it also when i was in my college days and i really tried to find some other place so that it wont be that bad to suffer anymore. its really frustrating and specially if she brings a guy to your place and uses your things! what a thick face he is! i guess its really better to find some place soon.
jhelai
I think if you don't talk with your housemates whom stay together.You may be unhappy.I think you are right to move out.If you don't move out you may talk with them first to adapt relationship.
@maikarumike (458)
• Malaysia
27 Jun 09
Well in my opinion since you are all living in a same house it would be nicer if you could get along.Ohterwise you will not be feeling so much comfort wne you are in the house, somehow it is not so nice to have a bad relationship you know,maybe try being nice with him and search for his problems.i am pretty sure that he must have some sort of problems making him to be unfriendly with you all.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
26 Jun 09
I think having a separate safe to lock your things up after you use them is the best thing to solve this issue.That way they will not be able to access your things without your consent.It is sad to hear,you have to adjust with peoples whom you don't like.that is really pathetic to hear.Let me pray for you to get a house soon for you alone.Cheers!
@ucue2008 (924)
• Malaysia
27 Jun 09
Thank you for for your feedback. Thank you for the pray. To get other house seem impossible to me because I'm staying at the teacher quarters, and there is no other option, but to stay here. Yes, I have to adjust with peoples whom I don't like and I really wish I can be transfer from here as soon as possible.
@momtrying2makeit (3270)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Well you could try and sit down with these people and explain to them that you all live together and would like respect from them. I would at least try this and see where it goes. Sometimes people need to be made aware of what they are doing to others, if they still act the same way after you expressing yourself than I say it is time to move on and find some other room mates. At least that might help if you talk to them. Take care and I hope this helps. Happy mylotting
@mssabirami (44)
• India
26 Jun 09
Try to talk to your housemate regarding your inconvenience. If she doesnt consider your feelings, you better shift out. I had also faced similar kind of problem. My housemate used to bring her boyfriend to home. I discussed with her regarding this problem. After that she never brings her boyfriend home. She meets him outside and spends time with him.
