Do you ever feel that you are only an "extension' of other peoples' thoughts"?

We are all ultimately products of our environment, yes. Many of us rebel though and end up being labelled as the "black sheep" of the family because of it too! The challenge in my opinion is being able to find the wisdom within yourself to recognise what is constructive and what isn't. People outside of ourselves can be in a very strong position of being able to assess our qualities and capabilities in an entirely unbiased manner and CAN act in our best interests. We do know from life experiences however, that people can also be manipulative and self serving. In my travels I've found cultural expectations play a major part in things like this too. I'd like to think that in Western cultures, the circumstances of "I'll become a Doctor because my Father is" aren't as common anymore, but in a number of countries I've lived and worked, this kind of mentality is definitely alive and thriving. In these instances, I do believe that in many isntances, people DO end up becoming people that may not necessarily fit in with their own ideals, but they have little choice in the matter. To defy these expectations can not just create anxiety or disappointment in others, it can even result in a person becoming completely ostracised from their family. Then there are the Parents who choose to live vicariously through their children. The Bosses who lack true self belief and become manipulative so they can always cover their own backs through the controlled actions of others. As with everything, there are pro's and con's here. As far as I'm concerned, the vital thing is to find a balance that allows for the nurturing, mentoring and expectation angles to be catered to, but also allows for a strong sense of self to influence our outcomes in life. If anything, it's the strong sense of self that should be playing the majority role too. We are not omnipotent and the wisdom of other's can be crucial to our success. We just have to hope we have the savvy to realise when lines are crossed and we find ourselves starting to wander off the path that leads to our true self.

Very interesting discussion indeed. What you have upheld here is the social agreement. We all live in a patterneded social set up and the goods and bads are all preset and the moment you become different or act differently you are a man out. Now what is this? Shall we call it a collective consciousness that every member shares in the society or the community and do not feel that he/she is being all the while guided by an outer force and he/she had nothing of her own. This is tragic. You have a very very limited 'yourself' who is allowed to make personal preferences only. In such paradoxical situation you have to propound a theory and make your followers follow your preachings and then only you will the desired selfhood.

Other people don't seem to think I have fulfilled the 'role' they would have expected of me. I'm fine with who I am and, although I occassionally regret not having the confidence to pursue my writing, I feel I've been able to be myself as I have grown older. Lots of people who know me don't know what to expect and can't fit me into a comfortable category and quite a few people have a problem with that. The people who can cope with me not fitting have become good friends.

This is part of the human condition, every person we meet is destined to be put in a box. This is not an unkind thing, this is a flash back to our survival mode when we traveled in groups and everyone had to know his place and any stranger had to be placed in a category as friend or enemy instantly for the safety of the group. Now we no longer need that instant identification but still the old habits hang on in our brains. Once we have been categorized society seeks to keep us there. But each has their own identity and road to travel in this life, so it is never harmful to set off on your own. Just make sure you travel with kindness

It is all about fitting in with other people we wish to mix with.All our friends and family wish to see us do well and steer us in the right direction and advise us of the pit falls that may lay ahead.I always ask advise about something significant as their advise can be invaluable,it is still up to me what I do in the end,my choice.I do the same with my family and friends advise ,give the pros and cons things they may not have thought of.If you keep yourself to yourself and never share ideas or thoughts you can get pretty lonely.It is nice to have other peoples input ,it helps with the right choice,especially if they have had the same experience.

Hi...what a thought-provoking topic. In my experience, I am an extension of other people's thoughts as far as their perception of me, which is sometimes accurate, but more often than not, a misinterpretation or misunderstanding of who I really am...on the inside. I know I interpreted the question a bit differently than you did, but that is my take :) Karen

This is a wonderful discussion. I have always felt the effect of the opinions of others on me and changing according to their will or expectations. First let me start from my childhood. When I came from sri Lanka to India I was considered to be a wizard in English knowledge and very poor in Math by my co students. The truth is I was very poor in both the subjects. I don't know I had to prove my Indian friends’ expectations that I am better than them in English language and that thought somewhat made me stood first in the whole class in English in due course. And at the same time I was able to get the pass marks in Math in the school final exams only with a great effort. And I remember my class teacher Miss. Solomon selecting students for a choir once. She jumped up suddenly and said how “I could forget Bala. He is such a nice singer” while I had the voice of a frog with a sore throat. May be she has included me in that list out of her love and affection for me. Well I joined the choir and tried to sing well too. Right now the people around me always expect me to make any occasion lively with my gregarious nature. Well I have to be witty and energetic to prove myself and as it doesn't hurt me I manage to be the center of any party always. People around us sure make us what we are. At least to a major extent.

Hi owlwings! I take serious umbrige with anyone who would reduce me to a bit part in their own internal movie! Don't you think everyone has that kind of mental narrative in their interactions with others? I had to re-read your post kinda metaphysical there, I mean I nearly baked my noodle! Are we ever who we are meant to be? I don't know what I was meant to be but, but I try to take comfort in the subjectivity of human experiences, and the fact the we cannot operate with out stereotypes and all or nothing thinking. I'm rambling a bit, - but could you operate properly without your mental 'cupboard' of preconcieved notions and sterotypes. for example try and describe someone without using a stereotype or cliche! As always, its good to see your noodle bakin' posts!!

Go your own way;let others talk. (Wear others' shoes, let them find! Walk on others' path, let others have no road to walk on! ) Just kidding! I have fully the same feeling! In China, our parents make us we are most! I don't like so many things that they have asked me to do! If I become sort of intractable, they will get disappointed. No question! I don't think they always have more great insight on my future though! Whatsoever, I think I get used to this obedience!

Hi owlwings..a very thought provoking discussion. So many people take part in our development it is hard to really know as we get into our teens who we personally are. Our teens are the worst time in our life when hormones, tempers and personality plus a personal decision in our lives as to what we want to do or become. The question 'are we the extention of other peoples thought', also comes down to ourselves...'do we really know ourselves?'. Personally I don't think so unless we are in total harmony and comfortable with whom we are. Personally I succumb to a quieter side of life and don't like discord so it takes a lot to annoy me...yet I also find it hard to 'speak' my mind, incase of hurting someone..so the question still remains 'do we really know ourselves' as others will always see us in a different light and we will be an 'extention of their thoughts' and the 'role' anyone see's us in may never be what they think...LoLo

I would say if we behave as others see us or as others expect, but if that isn't really "us", then we are hurting ourselves. What's more important? Behaving as expected to keep other people from feeling uncomfortable or not being true to oneself?

Your friend has hit the nail on the head. Most of us try to be what others expect us to be. In some cases, not to do so would cause one to be ostracized, or worse.

Having had little guidance as a child and when growing up, I feel that I have molded myself as I am and show myself pretty much that way. I have always tried to tell people what I think along the way (this is not always appreciated, of course! ), people see me as an outspoken, honest , slightly sarcastic person,who would do annything for anyone I could as needed.As an ER nurse for 19 years , the reality is , we never know if we will be here from minute to minute, so.... I want people to be clear on my feelings if I go today.Some people do not like honest opinions , therefore I have distanced some, but others have become close friends because of it, so I guess it all works out.

everyone is the exetension of other peoples' thought,your parent,friends,the one who paly the important role in your life wii be and we can not refuse,and we do the thing which is mission,then ,we lost ourself.wehen we are aware of this,everything around us changes,it hardly makes choice,it is the real world.

So you are saying that we are living life because of the expectations that people in our lives have of us? Surely it's our own personality and various traits that trigger those expectations? And what of our own expectations of ourselves...does it follow that only very strong personality types will break away from being stereo-typed and create and live their life on their own merits and principles. Are we not talking about conditioning? Children who are treated like precious little darlings will grow up feeling special and loved and capable of anything and of getting what they want (possibly) while children who are neglected or abused will have low self esteem and attitude problems which in turn will affect how they are treated as adults.