My Big Gay Wedding.
By II2aTee
@II2aTee (2559)
United States
June 29, 2009 9:15am CST
I’m very excited to announce that my partner and I have finally set a date for our Commitment Ceremony! Well, to be honest, we have set a month and a year. We are still trying to decide on the right day exactly. We have narrowed it down to 3 possibilities. But no matter what, in May of 2010, we will be saying our vows in front of all of our family and friends, and celebrating our past and future life together.
We have been together for 9 years this November, and we have technically been engaged for 4 of those years. To be honest, I wanted to wait until Gay Marriage was legal in my home state before we had the ceremony, but after giving it a lot of thought I realized that life happens too quickly… and we must seize the moment. After living and working together and being in love for 9 years its pretty self evident that we are it for the long run.
My only real problem is that neither I nor my partner has ever been to a commitment ceremony or a gay wedding, so we aren’t exactly sure how it’s supposed to go. I know that we don’t want anything too “over-the-top”. We are both very low-key, average mannered young men, so we want out commitment ceremony to reflect that. We want the ceremony to have dignity, class… and maybe, just maybe, a touch of the eccentric, just to keep things slightly lighthearted.
Do you have any suggestions for us? Have you ever been to a commitment ceremony before? What was it like? Was there anything memorable about it?
Oh.. I also want to ask everyone opinion on this because I am somewhat torn. I was talking with my hairdresser about how I don’t want my wedding to some fruity, flamboyant pride festival (my roman catholic, conservative republican grandparents will be there, and I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable.) But when I mentioned to her that Brian and I were planning on both wearing white tuxedos, she said that might be crossing the queer line just a bit. What do you think?
My hairdresser also made me reconsider the idea I had of arriving on horseback… and after some thought I must say I agree with her on that point. But the two white tuxedos.. I don’t think that’s too “over the top”… do you?
4 people like this
14 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Congrads! I wish I could be there. Send my best to your love. Alas, the only gay wedding I have seen are in film and on Logo.The best thing to do is sit down with your beloved and figure out what you want and don't want. Write it down and just follow your heart. Every wedding is different because of the couple.you are a brunette and so is he? then white tuxes will look beautiful. It isn't over the top.There are ways to make it romantic without going to the land of precious.The most simple and heart warming gay wedding I saw was in the movie Common Ground,Amos and Andy part.They had it at a small church with family and friends.both grooms wore suits and they wrote their own vows.Have you seen this film? It aired on Showtime.it is three stories of being gay in a small new England town. Amos and Andy is the last story.The bottom line is follow your hearts and it will be a great day.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
29 Jun 09
A Redhead?! I love redheads.I'm sorry , you are taken and gay . forgive me. I don't mind at all. I heard it first when designer Christopher Lowell used it for rooms that are sooo feminine.Sice you have red hair and your beloved is blonde, I think dark suits will look better. But they don't have to be black. How about navy blue?How does this work? With a straight wedding the groom shouldn't see the bride's wedding dress. Will you guys go together to try on suits?It won't be bad luck?Or am I being silly?Or too traditional?
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Oh I see , you are a redhead and you are so fair. I think a darker tux or suit will look better. I fear we put you in white and you will be washed out in the photos. b There are so many different colors other than black or white.
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
29 Jun 09
I will be sure to try to track down that movie! And I guess you cant tell from the pic, but I'm actually a red head... and my partner is blond. We both look great in white, but we could also do black. I think we will just have to go try on some tuxedos or suits before we make our decision. You made me laugh with your "land of the precious" comment.. hahaha :) I hope you dont mind if I use that later on when my partner tries to talk me into some fru fru frills like I know he probably will LOL.
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
29 Jun 09
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You are correct, life is WAAAY TOO FCKIN SHORT to wait!!! And they said it wouldn't last!!! 
As to the particulars, I think you should do as you dayum well please. I have a close friend that had a commitment ceremony (she called it a wedding). I was sick & didn't get to go. I'll ask her what they did to make it "special". I know she wore a white dress & her partner wore a black tux. The partner wore a red bow tie & the bride wore a red garter. I saw all that in their photo album. But for the life of me I can't remember what their "special" thing was even though it seems there was something. You two have managed to stay together for 9 years & I think you can determine how you want your ceremony to go!!! After all, It's YOUR day!!! Again CONGRATULATIONS!!! I EXPECT TO SEE PICS & lots of them!!!
As to the particulars, I think you should do as you dayum well please. I have a close friend that had a commitment ceremony (she called it a wedding). I was sick & didn't get to go. I'll ask her what they did to make it "special". I know she wore a white dress & her partner wore a black tux. The partner wore a red bow tie & the bride wore a red garter. I saw all that in their photo album. But for the life of me I can't remember what their "special" thing was even though it seems there was something. You two have managed to stay together for 9 years & I think you can determine how you want your ceremony to go!!! After all, It's YOUR day!!! Again CONGRATULATIONS!!! I EXPECT TO SEE PICS & lots of them!!!@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Thank you dear, and I love your new pic btw. Tiaras never go out of style and dont let ANYONE tell you otherwise!!
And thats funny you mention that about your girl friends. One of my close friends just had a lesbian wedding (she lives out of state and I couldnt go either) and she wore a white dress and her (now) wife also wore a suit. Lesbians are a breed of their own, arent they? LOL!
The idea of one of us wearing a dress is just out of the question. Although, I assure you, I look STUNNING in heels, I havent done drag in years... since before I even knew Brian... and I did it for entertainment purposes only. I look much better as a man.... plus, dont want to give my poor Brian a heart attack at the alter LOL.
And there will be plenty of pictures! That reminds me.. are you on facebook or anything? I have actually been meaning to ask you that for a while.
Thanks for the love, my love :)
XXOXOXO
Tee
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Tee.....I think you know me well enough to know that nobody can tell me nothing!!!! I LOVE my tiara. It came from a "very special" friend & I cherish it!!!
Lesbians are a breed of their own...FUNNY you said that...she said the same thing about her male counterparts!!! I was out at breakfast when I received your response. I dayum near choked on my eggs. The thought of you walking down the aisle in a white wedding dress was just a little more than I could handle at the time. I was laughing soooo hard everybody was staring at me. You made my day!!!
Nope, don't do Facebook. I've heard too many horror stories!!! Your lustboy mykl can tell you how to put them in myLot. He displayed all his baby pictures. 
You made my day!!!
Nope, don't do Facebook. I've heard too many horror stories!!! Your lustboy mykl can tell you how to put them in myLot. He displayed all his baby pictures. @LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Just remembered...when my brother got married, he & the groomsmen all wore charcoal gray suits. It was very classy looking!!! Plus he could wear it for years after he tied the knot. His wife pretty much insisted on the charcoal gray.
@34momma (13882)
• United States
29 Jun 09
OMG that is so exciting!! first let me say congrats to you and your soon to be hubby!! i have never been to a gay wedding so i have no idea how it works, but i would assume it can be what ever you want it to be. i think white tuxedos are not over the top at all. i think that's a great idea! i mean only the bride can't wear white right!! LOL LOL again i say it's your day and it should be done in a way that is going to work for you and your partner. Congrats
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Why thank you my friend :) Yes, now that we have actually set a date I am really starting to get excited about it... its become more "real". Now if all goes right in Albany by next May, it might even be a legal ceremony. But, even if its not, we are still going to do it. We owe it to each other after this long :)
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Congratulations on your Commitment Ceremony! Well on setting the date at least lol. I've never been to a commitment ceremony. I would think if you searched on youtube someone might have posted their ceremony on there. That might give you some ideas. But I think that it's your ceremony so however you want it to go is perfect. I imagine there are some that go "over the top", heck their are planning of "straight" weddings that do that lol, but I'm sure there are plenty they are low key and really beautiful. I think the white tuxedos sound fine. I'm sure you both will look really handsome!
@hanah87 (1835)
• Malaysia
30 Jun 09
Congratulations for your wedding ceremony!I wish you good luck and have forever happy ending in your marriage.For me,i would like to make a romantic and elegant wedding ceremony because i want all the guest feel what i feel,happy,romance and luxury.So,i will combine all of these elements become one and have a great wedding.Have a nice day.
@o0jopak0o (6394)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
well good luck to your wedding. hope it will be a memorable one
@Pigglies (9329)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I love the white tuxedos idea personally! I don't think that is over the top actually. My cousin got married to his wife in a white tuxedo, so it's not even a gay only thing.
That is awesome that you're having a ceremony! I've never been to one but heard about one through my coworkers. That one was pretty laid back, done in someone's large backyard. They had vows, a ceremony, dancing after, etc. Sounded pretty cool to me.
I think the horse back entrance could work too, but it would depend. Are you and your fiance into riding horses? If so, that would be kind of a meaningful part of the ceremony. But if that's not really one of your hobbies, then it does seem a bit over the top. Best of luck to you whatever you decide! I can hardly wait until gay marriage is actually legal. Hopefully by then I'll have met my dream girl!
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
29 Jun 09
Hi Papi, what exciting news, I wish you both the very best. It doesn't matter what color you choose, your going to look fierce, you can even pull it off wearing a bath towel (you sexy thang you) just make sure the opening is not in the front. Hahaha Brian is a very lucky man.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Congratulations! I wish it were legal in your area...it should be...really should. Anyway ...2 white tuxedos is not over the top. It's nice. In fact nothing is over the top. I think you all are worrying too much about the gay thing but if you think about it...would anyone think twice about the horse if it were a hetro couple..no they would not. you just do whatever you both want and with no worries about what others may think. 
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
29 Jun 09
First of all, Congratulations!!!!! As for picking the exact date, you probably want to wait until you've booked a location before deciding on a date! I have friends who sent out "Save The Date" notices to everyone before booking the date, then found the place they wanted was booked that day and they ended up having to have their wedding on a different date!
As for what type of ceremony you want to have, it's totally up to you!!! If you want the white tuxes, wear the white tuxes! It's your wedding and it should reflect the tastes and personality of you and your partner! There's no right or wrong way of how it is supposed to go. You can be as traditional or as nontraditional as you want to be!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Congratulations! Who knows, by May 2010 it may be legal again . I don't really see anything wrong with the tuxes, I've seen a bride and groom both wear white, what's wrong with two white tuxes? Maybe you can have two different colored handkerchief things, I'm sorry, I'm not super good with items of mens' clothing. Either way, what an excellent announcement, I am really happy for the two of you!
. I don't really see anything wrong with the tuxes, I've seen a bride and groom both wear white, what's wrong with two white tuxes? Maybe you can have two different colored handkerchief things, I'm sorry, I'm not super good with items of mens' clothing. Either way, what an excellent announcement, I am really happy for the two of you!
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I think the two of you in white tuxedoes would be a classy touch. I think it is a great idea and not too "over the top" or anything. Congratulations on finding someone so wonderful. I hope you and Brian have a great day that is special for both of you. I don't think there is a set ritual for any wedding or commitment ceremony. Make it what the two of you want it to be, something that represents the two of you. If you do that, then it is everything it should be.
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
29 Jun 09
CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am very excited for you! I have never personally been to a committment ceremony before, but I would imagine it can go however you want it to go, just like a heterosexual wedding.
I think nothing is crossing the line if it is what you and your partner want to do. It is nice that you are being considerate of conservative family members, but if doing that means you have to change who you are so that others feel comfortable, that isn't right. This is yours and your partner's Big Day, and you should definitely do what you want to do at YOUR ceremony! If both of you want to wear a white tux, I think that is very classy. Would they rather one of you wear a dress?? It sounds as though both of you are on the same wavelength with wanting a low-key, classy ceremony with just a little eccentricity. Who doesn't like class? I am quite eccentric myself, so I can at least appreciate a little eccentricity as well. It will make it interesting and memorable!
At the end of the day, your family will love you no matter what. If they don't, then just write them off and move on. Life is too short to be worried about what others think. This feels right to you and your partner. The people that matter will have your back no matter what you decide to do or how you decide to do it. True friends and family will not stand in judgement of you, even though it might be something they don't agree with or they themselves wouldn't do.
And congrats again. I think that is great that you guys are "tying the knot" so to speak. I hope everything turns out as wonderful as you and your partner hope it will be!
I love hearing about gay weddings and commitment ceremonies. It gives me hope that someday people will stop discriminating and just let you guys have your day in the sun and enjoy the same privelages that us heterosexual folks enjoy. You're not hurting anyone, afterall.
@kabudel (175)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
Congratulations! It's your day, so, nope it's not "over the top". Go on and celebrate it with a blast because that day only comes once. =) Wish you all the best with your partner!
