My Last....

United States
July 3, 2009 6:38pm CST
I was just thinking today, that I have never (in my life) been so time conscience before. I don't know if this is something that naturally comes with age or if it's just me. This year I have began "My Last's"...The things that will (most likely) be the last time I will be doing them, either alone or with those that I love.. Let me explain.. My children are nearly grown now, and ready to try this "life" thing on their own.. and, as I put my finishing touches on their baby books, that I started the very day they were born.. I know that these are my final entries. Looking through their books... I can see that I wasn't a perfect mom.. but with all of my heart.. and every ounce of love.. I tried. And I have to admit.. I didn't do too bad! :) With no prior knowledge and no owner's manual... I managed to make some pretty awesome children that will soon be following their own dreams... without me. I have never loved or been so loved, in my life, before them. I have been so blessed! I have pictures, recordings, and special trinkets... of their firsts.. middles... and, now with sadness and joy, it seems that we are crossing the finish line. This past week, we took our last family vacation (as a family).. knowing that Jobs, careers, friends, school and everything else will fill up their time that there will simply be no time left for such things. THIS, as a mother, I know and accept. I am so glad that we had a great time, since this is the last... it made a perfect ending to their baby book entries. I often wonder, If anyone else paid attention, or knew, that what they were doing would be the last time that they are doing it? Do people ignore the "last's" and take time for granted and then have it sneak upon them and then wonder what happened? Or take note (as I am) and enjoy it, maybe a little fuller, paying more attention to everything and taking more pictures than needed...laughing a little more... embracing and treasuring our time together more than normal, all while knowing that this is the last? I, kind of get sad, knowing that I am walking the last mile with them.. but not just with them... There are many things that I've done, knowing (at the time) that it would be my last time out doing it. I try so hard to take every second of it in, realizing that this event, or this activity, is... indeed, my last time. It all leads up to one grand finale. but we won't go there in this discussion. :) I find myself cleaning up the loose ends of my life.. the things that needed to have closure and try perfecting the imperfect... Kind of like, putting the finishing touches on everything.. by straightening up what I have messed up along the way. As well as finding the things that got left undone.. trying to make ill-ended friendships/relationships right, and clearing up the unclear in my mind and heart as well as helping those who have been a part of my life, do the same... Perhaps by offering "the rest of the story". That way, when the day comes, that I am no longer around.. someone isn't left guessing or possibly making up the parts that they didn't know.. by my setting the story straight... maybe I can lead them to their perfect ending... or at least offering to make it more clear and complete. I'm rambling.. so don't worry if that part of this discussion makes little to no sense.. I understand it and that's all that matters! lol! My only pray is that I have time to finish it all before time is up... and MY final entry is finished. I just want a complete and happy ending. :) This weekend will most likely be my last time hiking up to my favorite mountain in NC... and I plan on taking it all in.. more than I ever have before. After breaking my legs a few years ago, that healed incorrectly.. the climb up has got harder and harder to do.. it's time to hang that hobby up, and call it my "last" :) Have you ever done something that you have always loved doing, But knowing, that this would be the last time doing it? Because of health issues or that you simply don't have the energy or endurance to do it anymore. Did you enjoy it more or less, knowing that you wouldn't be this way again?
6 people like this
9 responses
Riptide
@Riptide (2756)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Hi stormy! I think you are blessed knowing if something is your last, then you can make the best of it. Often people don't know when they are doing something, that this will be their last time. This is why I believe that everything we do we should do as if it were the last time we are doing it, because you just never know. As long as this is not the last time you are posting at mylot, because then I would have to go and hunt you down and it's a long drive down where you live! lol Hugs!
2 people like this
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
RIPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! girl!! I have missed you so much! No, not my last posting, and I don't plan on dying.. I am preparing, so that when the day presents itself.. I won't have left a mess behind or unfinished tasks (I have OCD! lol) so that kinda ending would never do! If you want to come down and hunt me anyway... I would love it!
1 person likes this
Riptide
@Riptide (2756)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Packs my stormy hunting gear, including fried twinkies as bait.... I missed you too!!!! I been absent way too long and will be catching up until my fingers bleed lol. You all be seeing more of me around here and I hope I'll be seeing more of you around too!! huggggggsssssssss
2 people like this
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
*grabs the fried twinkies* yummmmmmmmmm!!!!!! I am so glad that I will be seeing you around more! you have no idea how badly I have missed you! *HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGSSSS!*
landerson254
@landerson254 (191)
• United States
4 Jul 09
In response to your life...maybe some things are the last but there are hundreds of first YET TO COME!!! I am fifty years old and have been thru hurricane Andrew in Florida, took everything...moved several times,been divorced 2 times that I lost EVERYTHING...and have had 13 surgeries...raised 2 children and helped raise 6 grandbabies....lots of last and just as many firsts!!!! I hope you use your wisdom that you have gained to continue enjoying the rest of your lasts and put it to good use in ALL YOUR FIRSTS!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU!!! jUDI
2 people like this
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
You are right, my friend! but that's for another discussion! :)
mtdewgurl74
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Hi, long time no see..How you been? You were the best mother in the world I bet! You do more then alot of parents do. You kept things and put things in a book and make scrapbooks for them and all not alot of parents take that time to do so and pass on a piece of their past to them. Something they can always look back on in fondness of the love you gave them and their memories you helped them make. I loved to crochet, I quit for the simple fact that I was the only one whom enjoyed it and if I made something for someone they never appreciated it. I used to craft and draw, I quit that also..I stopped taking long walks by myself because of health reasons,I quit alot of things and and just a small piece of what I once was. Depression does that..to me. I have to take one day at a time..one step at a time..
1 person likes this
mtdewgurl74
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
4 Jul 09
I knit too!..although I was really best at crocheting, I made alot of stuff..from coasters to pillow dolls to everything in between..I usually end up pulling away from people and usually take a few days off but always end up back but my responses might not be as jolly and lack enthusiasm sometimes. But I try to stick with it..
1 person likes this
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Ahhhhhhh! girl! I could write the book on depression! I have been at a battle of wits with that demon most (if not all) of my life. every single day of my life is a challenge or wits against this monster.. I fear that one day I won't be up to the fight. I try so hard to never tell anyone that "I know how they feel" because it can sound so demeaning of their situation.. but trust me.. I do know. I used to crochet too! not very good, I also knitted too! I loved it but never really got good at it.. I lack patience, though I love learning new things.. once I feel I have mastered the art of just knowing the basics.. I tend to move on before I get really good at it! lol! yeah.. I'm an idiot! I just can't imagine anyone not appreciating anything that was MADE just for them by someone who cared enough to invest time into it... it's great seeing ya again! I have missed seeing ya :) I tend to hide away when I'm depressed so I haven't been around much. drop me a PM once in a while! I'd love to hear from ya! :) hugs!
1 person likes this
lilaclady
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
4 Jul 09
Yes I guess we all go through this at times, especially when we start losing special people in our lives, we start to realize we ourselves are not here for ever..I know I cruised along in life never thinking of the world not going on without me, them I lost my mum and dad then the special man in my life and i suddenly realized hey start appreciating the things around girl, no-one knows how long we have, get things done and be happy with your life...But a lot of people live in denial, I have been working out my will and everythingover the last few months as a lot has changed in my life and I am very surprised at how many people laugh at me and say you got years yet why are you worrying about that....I can't believe how people think this way...I have had friends younger than me pass away so I think we all should be prepared....
2 people like this
Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
4 Jul 09
Hi there Sweetie Ok do not look at this as the last, look at it as Chapter 1 I know how hard it is believe me like you I enjoyed my Children and still do, because Chapter 2 well guess what, they still need you, they still love you, they still need you to guide them at times, They will always be your Children, your always going to see them as your Baby, they still need guiding, but in an adult way and as advise The 2nd Chapter is just a little harder, as you will see them get hurt and a Cuddle is not going to make it go away but it will ease it, they come to you for advise, they will still cry in your Arms and they still want to know you are Mum and love them I cried when they started School, I cried when they left School, I cried when they got their first Job, when I could not pick them up any more to put on my Lap and hold them tight to me, but as Adults there are other Joys and the biggest are, the love they show you, to see what wonderful Adults they have turned it, and they are always there for you as well when yo need someone All you are doing is opening a new Chapter Sweetie I felt like you did, but well we have to let go no matter how much it hurts us but we only let go of the Child, we embrace the Adult and lead them as good as we can Big Hugs to you
1 person likes this
Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
4 Jul 09
I hope it helped a bit Sweet We are both fine
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
So beautifully stated, My dear friend :) I have missed you and Grissy.. hope you are doing well :) hugs!
1 person likes this
James72
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
4 Jul 09
Nice to see you back here again Stormy! I think it's wonderful that you're acknowledging things in this way. Yes, it can be sad to reflect like this in some instances, but it also means that you're sure to milk every possible joy out of a situation and not all of us make the effort to do that at all. We can get to a point in our lives where we look back and wonder where the time went; and then wonder if we truly embraced all we could in the most positive way possible. We just don't always think at the time how important certain occasions actually are! I'm yet to experience any moments of finality like this, unless you count having to up and move from one country to another! I see this as a different circumstance though, because I may be leaving friends and a known lifestyle behind to head into the unknown, but I'm also a little excited by the whole scenario as well. I can only assume that you're eith preparing for your mountain hike right this minute, or you're already on your way! I hope that it's all you wished for and more and that the wondrous presence of everything around you reveals itself bigger and brighter than ever before! The world is full of such beauty, joy and defining moments, if only we'd stop, listen and SEE a lot more than we tend to.
1 person likes this
James72
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
4 Jul 09
Let me rephrase then! "I'm yet to become consciously aware of any moments of finality like this" I like many people, don't tend to look at things of that nature to this level of depth yet. In hindsight, yes, there are many such moments; but I certainly wasn't consciously considering that aspect of it all at the time!
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
I'm yet to experience any moments of finality like this James, I beg to differ.. I'm sure there are things in your life that you have done for the last time.. if you look carefully enough. we are ever changing creatures that grow and change quiet often! nothing stays the same for very long... there was the last time that you played hide n' go seek.. the last time you played with your favorite toy (not THAT one! lol).... the last time you hung out with a certain childhood friend.. and list goes on and on. Age really has nothing to do with it, as much as LIFE has everything to do with it.... and the fact that we grow and we change every day... I am just bookmarking my way through the important stuff (so to speak) to record a memory of what might just be the last time I am doing something. Thank you for responding.. I'm hoping that this isn't the last time you do this! :) heading to my mountain in a few :)
1 person likes this
leenie50
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Stormy, I'm guessing that this final stage is for being aware of everything that should be of some importance. How do you move on if you are recording everything in your mind as a last event or visit or place to see, etc.?I do like the idea of trying to record your History and place in life in a journal that your children will be able to read and learn more about their Mom and Dad, and things they won't remember. With all my health problems and disability, I want to enjoy every day and the beauty of it. I also look forward to the possibilities. For example, it is possible I won't have the pleasure of riding the train again because of our economical situation. But I'm not giving up on the idea. When my second husband became ill with a terminal disease I resigned myself to taking care of him for the rest of my life because I thought it was Parkinsons and knew that people with Parkinsons can live a long time. It turned out to be like Parkinsons only way worse. After he passed away, one day I realized that I was still alive and could begin a new life. I look at life like this. I'm 59 years old but if God's willing I have a lot to still experience. I feel that I've had 4 beginnings. The first when I was born. The second when I got married. The third when I remarried and the fourth when I married my present husband. It's not the marriages that were the actual beginnings but the new life I was beginning. I hope this makes sense to you. I do find your way of thinking quite interesting and very well put. Hugsssss leenie
1 person likes this
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Having not known you very long, Leenie.. I have to say that you have really found your way straight into my heart. You have such a sweet and honest way of looking at things.. where most people would give up.. you kept going! you are a walking example to all around you.. that life does go on, it may slow you down, but ya never quit... I love reading your responses, and this one is no different! I guess that I am just feeling a bit sad because I am being phased out and outgrown or passed over and forgotten by those that I treasure the most.. and not being able to enjoy a few of the things that I absolutely loved doing... but life does go on :) (hugs!)
1 person likes this
leenie50
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Stormy, I feel your pain. It comes straight through your words. Sweetie, I feel the same way, especially recently. I'm realizing that it is a new phaze in my life and I'm appreciating what and who is left in my life who will neverover look me. One is my hubby and the other is my precious 29 year old Son. I also have to say my Son's Dad also still holds a place in my life. He has been there for me when my whole family looks the other way. And of course my little dog, Dexter. I also have 4 or 5 very close girlfriends that live far away in different states. But I know they love me. Those who look away or out grow you, are meant to be left behind so that you won't miss those who are heading your way. When the sadness goes away sweetie, things will look a lot better. See, I'm here now. I will not overlook you. Hugsssss leenie
1 person likes this
paula27661
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
5 Jul 09
I have noticed that time seems to tick along a lot faster these days, that’s for sure. It has made me aware of the importance of savouring every precious present moment and to make the most of my time with my loved ones. I have never thought about doing anything for the last time, I guess you have a point. A lot of the things we do and take for granted may well be the last. I think about people that have passed away and something they have done and I do wander if only he or she knew that they would not be doing that again, ever...
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Amazingly enough.. time never stops.. even to let us catch our breath. We tend to remember the first time we did something.. it just dawned on me that rarely do we remember the last.. It's so good to see ya again Paula! I've missed you! :) *hugs!*
kcoregon
@kcoregon (302)
• United States
4 Jul 09
I noticed how you said that you don't think it will be possible to go on a family vacation together again as a family. Don't give up hope! My family has been on vacation together after we had our own families and children. Granted that it doesn't happen often but when it does it is like old times again. We don't make a lot of money either. At the time we went on our last vacation my parents lived in Oklahoma with my younger brother, my older brother lived in California, and I was living in Florida. We still managed to come together for a week and catch up with each other and had fun just like old times. And with one chapter ending there is always another chapter to begin. So your last parent teacher conference begins your first time watching your daughter dance with her new husband to the first time you held your grandbaby or the first time you and your husband have went on vacation alone. And one thing is for sure, you will never experience your last time of loving someone. No matter how far your children move away or when a loved one passes your love will always be there.
Stormy
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Thank you for responding :) Yes, I am sure that there will be more family vacations.. but not without extra people (husbands and wives and grand kids) But this vacation was just us.. no one else.. just us. I'm sure that I have many firsts to come (I hope) but closing the final chapter on a life that I had for so long is a little difficult on my heart at the moment.. that's all. And I agree with you.. Love will always be present.. as I believe love is the only thing that we have in and throughout our lives that doesn't die or end.. ever!