Sometimes I'm not so anti-social. Inexplicable feelings bothering me. (Venting)
By xParanoiax
@xParanoiax (6987)
United States
July 8, 2009 3:38pm CST
Lately I've been craving the company of people more. I used to be quite the hermit, enjoying the times when I could be completely alone, and in many ways I still want that -- at least in my own house -- but at the same time, I wish I could go out and be around people, to have some sort of local comradre. And not just any community-like atmosphere, but an atmosphere of understanding faith-wise.
Yeah, I said it, I suddenly find myself wanting there to be a group nearby that I'm welcome to stop by at.
I've been happy as a solitary for years, but all of the sudden there's this immense WANT for the company of other pagans. Forums and such help me calm this feeling a bit, but it doesn't seem to be enough.
Thing is, there are no local events or groups. I can't afford the gas for cities over twenty miles away.
The other day, my Mom proposed that I go live with my grandmother who lives in one of the larger cities with particularly active groups because there are more jobs there (with the economy like it is). And I told her no, I wanted to stay with our farm. That she could go, enjoy herself, get a job there and I'd stay.
But now I'm thinking about it and I'm torn. I love my country home, with all our successful plants and plans for chickens, goats, and maybe someday a pond and fish...I do so want for my home to be quiet and without people in it for once.
But now there's this inexplicable feeling that I should be spending more nights with other pagans, in a group.
It doesn't help that I've been struggling to be very active in my faith, as a pagan this year, because my life is so busy and the people I live with usually have some demands on my time (not to mention responsibilities around here).
I'm frustrated with the way things are, yet I'm at a loss to change it.
I feel like everything'd be better, if only I could find a snatch of time -- ANY bit of time, to meditate and sort myself out.
It's not that I'm feeling constantly, incessantly stressed...I think it's just that I'm not happy if I don't have time for worship, introspection, or creativity (as I haven't had much time to write as of late, either).
Which makes me wonder; am I stuck? Or are the cards right, this is just a time of transition so's naturally difficult and frustrating?
It's just really bothersome, this sudden wanting to be around other pagans and this feeling of stagnation/frustration.
So, thanks for letting me vent, now it's time for me to ask ya'll a question to make this a real discussion; do you guys ever feel like this? Pagan like me or not, if you have a faith do you find yourself wanting some sort of fellowship -- out of the blue-- after being happy without it for years? Do you have some stories of feeling like you're at some sort of crossroads, stagnant, and waiting as things change all around you for something you can DO about it?
2 responses
@Tayudo (115)
• Peru
10 Jul 09
Friend, i hope i explain what is a pagan religion, i heard about that, but i do not have a full knowledge, although we all like our space we need solitude also have time to socialize, said that no one leave the party in party, but if you should increase your circle of friends, goig out, go dancing and see how you feel changed a little also that the monotny and loneliness you may plunge into depression.
@cobrateacher (8432)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Hello, friend!
I've been less of a hermit than usual for the past year or so, and I feel sort of foolish admitting that I wonder when the time will come when I want to be around people (other than at work, where there are too many of them) and socialize or share ideas. It hasn't happened, but it must be on its way for me to wonder about it.
I hope you can either find a group near enough for you to access , or maybe try inviting a group to the farm once in a while. It would be a great outing for them and quite a pleasant vacation. There are a lot of Pagan groups in my area, and they have week-end retreats in the Everglades. A farm would be wonderful for all, especially if they offer to help shoulder the expenses and workload!
Good luck!
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