I feel really guilty about something I did that hurt my mom...

@MissAmie (717)
United States
July 10, 2009 10:40am CST
So to make a super long story short, 3 years ago on June 15 I had a Daughter, Madeline. Six weeks later she died in a really tragic way. Ok, enough background... Last year I had a non serious suicide attempt right around this time. Well, this year my mom planned our annual trip to an amusement park and I got all messed up again and ended up in the hospital again. I didn't get to go. This obviously hurt my mom...she was worried about me and she had already bought my tickets...even food vouchers and stuff. I feel so guilty about it I could just die. What would you do if you were me? My mom says it's no big deal, but to me it kinda is and I think she's downplaying her disappointment to avoid hurting me. Any advice?
1 person likes this
4 responses
mgraham126
@mgraham126 (156)
•
13 Jul 09
go with mom try and have a good time let her be your mother and take away the pain mgraham 126
FFFrocks
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
11 Jul 09
Hi MissAmie. I believe that more than anything your mom is just worried about you. What does she really care about some failed amusement park trip as long as her baby is okay? All she wants is for you to be happy. My advise to you is to hug mom and tell her you love her. Then find someone to talk to sweetie. This posting on mylot is a good first step! Letting out all the emotions and thoughts that you have pent up inside is going to be super hard but it will leave you feeling much better. If you need a complete stranger to talk to let me know and I'll drop you a line! Just remember that there is a girl in Canada who is thinking of and cheering for you! Hugs.
dragon54u
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
11 Jul 09
As a mom that's not much older than your mom must be, I have to tell you to let it go. Your mom was probably disappointed but your well being is ALL she cares about! She doesn't care about the tickets or vouchers, she's just glad beyond imagining that you were able to get the help you needed before you tried something desperate. Don't feel guilty. The best thing you can do for your mom is to get better as best you can. Tell her you love her once in awhile. Your health and happiness is the most important thing in the world to her and when you're doing okay, she's happy.
Ruby722
@Ruby722 (796)
• China
11 Jul 09
Sorry to hear that.It's really a sad story.Everymother loves her kids.And want to protect them as they can.Let bygones bygones.If you kill yourself you can't change everything can you? you mother must be not young she can't bear so much.Take it easy let it go..Your love your mother and don't hurt her again.