Is it wrong for me to be angry?
@felisanavidad (79)
United States
July 13, 2009 10:12am CST
My husband talked about getting a handgun about a year ago. I am opposed to it. He hunts and has everything he needs to hunt with. That is not an issue with me. I have no problem with that. Here's the problem:
Last week, my 5 year old told me that daddy has a handgun. "It's for shooting at animals in the yard (we have a lot of property)". It turns out that he bought one 6 months ago and only the 5 year old knows about it.
I'll spare all my reasons for being against it. I will just say that we have a 5 year old and an 8 year old and to me, there is no practical reason to own a handgun. We have shotguns, archery equipment, and BB guns already and I don't understand the need for more, especially something that's only "for fun".
My real problem is that he's not willing to admit that anything he did here was unreasonable. When someone asks me to do something kind of big (like some sort of favor, etc.) that will affect more than just myself, my husband is big on telling me, "You should tell them you have to discuss it with your husband first".
I feel that I've been disrespected by him not discussing this with me first, which is something that he expects from me. He feels that he owes me no explanation and is not willing to admit that he was out of line (was he?). To him, this is just none of my business and I'm just a *&%$#. The biggest issues I have now are that my feelings and views just don't matter to him, and I'm worried about the kids.
Any thoughts?
He is not willing to seek counseling with me and not willing to hear my concerns. He thinks I am just a *&%$#.
I would like constructive serious, input/responses/ideas to solve our problem. Maybe if it doesn't come from me he will consider it. If I'm out of line, then I will consider that, too.
4 people like this
7 responses
@DrPain (31)
• United States
13 Jul 09
i understand both sides. i think wheather or not you were against him getting another handgun, he should have told you. At marraige you guys became one. Not saying that you are the boss but thats just the way it is. Like if you wanted to go to Channel to buy a $20,000 dress. He would be pissed, right? Well here is the pitch. You can only be mad but for so long. He has to be reminded that he cant make choices like that on his own. I would say apologize if you got out of line with him and he will more than likely reason with you.
2 people like this
@ruperi (138)
• India
13 Jul 09
Dear felisa, To get angry is like we are hurting ourself. Getting angry is we cant control our mind. And if we don't have control on mind means total failure of life. Whatever happening around us are fruits of whatever we have did bad or good deeds in past. (Physics says nothing is happens without reason. e.g. when you throw ball on wall, it will come back according to the speed or power used to throw.)But whatever happened is happened, we can make good future, by controlling our thoughts( I will suggest power of positive thinking books which are available in market.)
You must have seen that when we expect something from somebody and if he or she does not work according to our expectation then we feel bad. So dont expect anything from anybody just live life self-contented. Happiness is product of thoughts. You should not give your happiness in another hand. Like he behaves good with me then I will be happy. You should happy inside in whatever situation. Everything is ephemeral so dont waste your happiness time.
@felisanavidad (79)
• United States
13 Jul 09
I understand what you're saying. I am angry because my husband does not have consideration for my feelings and refuses to see my side of it. This is supposed to be an equal partnership. At this point I would be happy if he apologized for disrespecting my wishes, but he thinks that I deserve no apology.
2 people like this
@sblossom (2168)
•
14 Jul 09
i understand your feeling. your husband has his logic and you have yours.
you don't need to be angry with it. maybe you can suggest your husband suspend his plan and really think twice. Also maybe you can visit some body who have similar situation then ask them what happened in their life and let your husband know it.
also maybe try let him busy then maybe he would have no time for his plan.
@ladybountyhunter17 (37)
• United States
14 Jul 09
First off, and tell me if im wrong, your husband obviously controls your life. You probobly even have to ask permission before you go take a S#&^. I have been in a relationship like this and it will only get worse. Your husband obviously has NO respect for you what-so-ever which is really sad. Being a woman myself, i understand the need of having a relationship where the man will nuture you and be your best friend. 2nd, Your husband has reduced himself to calling you a $*&@!, that right there has crossed the line. In NO POINT of your marriage should you have to put up with the Bull&%#! of an ignorant, self centered, cold-hearted, incompetant, corruptive male-chauvinist pig!
You need to know that you are in no way out of line. Stand up to your husband and do not let him walk all over you anymore. Tell him the Sh*t is going to stop today! And if that doesn't change things, Take yourself and your kids to a family members for a few days and tell him he needs to get his sh*t together if he wants you back home.
@nicoledorn (42)
• United States
14 Jul 09
I would like to start of by saying I do not know you but this story definatley does not constitute you being a *&%$#. I think any person would feel the same way you do. I would be so hurt and confused if I learned something new like that from my 5yr old. Husband and wifes are supposed to be close so buying a handgun that you don't want and not telling you about it is a big deal. Also like you said you have shotguns, archery equipment, etc. what is the need for it? And if you have all that stuff couldn't your husband respect you enough and not get it. That is what marriage is all about comprimise. It's not like your crazy and controlling its a handgun that you do not need when you have all the hunting stuff you need. That would drive me insane. One thing you could do that I always do in situations like this is reverse the roles tell him well what if I were to buy something behind your back that you didn't want or need in the house how would that make you feel if I acted like I didn't care about your opinon and called you a ######? If you could think of an actual example that would help. Or you could ask him to get rid of it because you have comprimised so many things for him in the past tell him specific things. Or you could take it to the pawn shop while hes at work but that would most likely cause more problems. Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 yrs and everytime he messes up but acts like its my fault I usually talk to him about the problem so much that he would rather give up and give in because he gets sick of talking about it. Unless he changes my mind. Well sorry and good luck to you I posted a response earlier about my boyfriend being annoying its actually funny thats why I came to this one but I don't find this funny at all.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
That's really sad. I think some guys are sensitive to things and probably he was either secretive or afraid to approach you because he knows that you might get angry or disappointed with him. well, i do stuff secretly too but sometimes i get caught too. i believe you should talk it out with him again. you have every reason to be angry since the boy knew before you did.god bless.
@worldbestwriter2008 (1633)
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
hi! It is not wrong to get angry if you are on the right track/place...Getting angry to something or someone is just showing your feelings unto the things that you didn't like or to the things that is against your will...but if you get angry you have to explained why such feeling arouse this way..so no more worries now..it's just right to get angry on the right way..
