If you love her, then why do you cheat?
By tomjoad
@tomjoad (551)
Philippines
July 14, 2009 4:46am CST
i am a man. and although i am ashamed to admit it, long ago i once cheated on my girlfriend and it resulted in our breakup. i loved her and she loved me too. our relationship was great and i was so lucky to have a girl like her. she was my first love and i was her first love. however, one day, i was attracted to another girl. and to make the long story short, i cheated. i loved her but i still cheated on her. why do us guys do that? in my case, i did it because the other girl was very aggressive. and without knowing it, i was put under her spell. what about you? have you had the same experience?
3 people like this
16 responses
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
I myself could not understand why some people profess to love someone, and yet they still fall for another person despite of a perfect relationship. Some just could not control cheating and it was the result of their need to be satisfy their ego that women are still attracted to them despite of. It also puzzles me when a woman cheats , it seems like it is the end of the world.
@tomjoad (551)
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
hi jules. we both feel the same huh? we are both oblivious we people cheat even though they are in a perfect relationship. yes, you are indeed right. it has to be the ego thing. i really loved the attention that the other girl gave me. it felt so good when i was with her. however, at the end of the day, i just know that it was wrong. i really wish i didn't cheat but what's done is done. maybe it's just innate with guys to do that. i don't know.
1 person likes this
@bingchen (1119)
• China
15 Jul 09
did you really like her?if you really like her,you couldn't cheat this girl.in your heart,you can only receive the one girl and could not pay attention to another
girl,so you should count your feeling to her,don't hurt her.loving there is not error,but you should see what you thought to her love,this is fair to your lover
2 people like this
@XiaoLin (289)
• Italy
14 Jul 09
I did cheat on my boyfriend once, but I realized tha was the proof I didn't love him. Not because I wanted to stay with the other guy, but because I didn't respect him enough to be clear and break u with him before starting anything. I was abroad at that time and I left him soon after the cheating, so I don't know if I should really count it as one.
I am asking myself if now, in my actual relationship, I would cheat or not. I'm not sure about the answer.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
15 Jul 09
I am sorry. I am not a guy so this is a guess. Unlike you , there are many guyswho are with a girl but aren't really happy, in fact they are bored so they cheat. Or they aren't a one woman type of guy so they cheat.It is sad.did you two ever get back together? If I were your girlfriend, iwouldn't have ended it just for a one night stand. Mistakes happen.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
My friend, I would like to emphasize with you that you've done wrong with your girl friend. I don't see any reason why men, need to involved another woman in their life but greediness of the flesh.
You do that because you are greedy about flesh. You're not disciplining yourself and most of all don't have fear of God.
Don't ask "why do us guy do that". You can answer that by yourself. You must be true to yourself friend. How if your girlfriend cheated you too...what you feel about?
Didn't you contented of one woman. While it is the same feeling while doing such act of love making. You want to find a virgin or something will fill your lust.
All second affairs is lust not love. Think twice a million times what you do. When things come to you again...
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
19 Jul 09
Hello friend,
I am sorry if I offended you but I think you misunderstood me. I don't mean to offended but my words is not for you alone.
This only my opinion why someone doing that. For not contented on what they have. Sorry for my words is offended you. It is really don't know you, but as I read your discussion I don't if that person you state on your discussion is that you?
But pardon my friend, if I offended on that occasions. Tell me why are you offended on my words. What words that offended you the most?
Please tell me and I depend my statement is true...maybe I am wrong but this unfair for cheating someone most especially that is our love...
@tomjoad (551)
• Philippines
19 Jul 09
well, i think you should choose your words if you don't want to offend others. it doesn't matter if you have a really good thing to say, what matters most is how you deliver the message.
if you must ask which of your message offended me it was when you said:
"you do that because you are greedy about flesh. you're not disciplining yourself and most of all DON'T HAVE FEAR OF GOD. you want to find a VIRGIN or SOMETHING WILL FILL YOUR LUST."
tell me, if someone like me or someone you don't know would say that to you, would you not be offended too? i think it would have been different if we knew each other personally. i would not have been offended. but fact is, we don't know each other and you have no idea about my relationship with God. i may not be the best Christian (yes i am a Christian) but i recognize God in my life. i may have made mistakes like i CHEATED ON PREVIOUS GF but i paid for those mistakes and i believe in my heart that God has forgiven me because he is a merciful God.
don't worry aerous, i accept your apology. although i was offended, i never bear any grudge. so no hard feelings here. :-) in fact, i hope you don't mind if i add you as a friend? i'd like it if we could get to know more about each other. God bless you! i hope that you will never fall into the temptation the same way i did.
@tomjoad (551)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
how can you say these things when you do not even know me? i have fear in God... i even regretted what i did that's why i told my gf that i cheated on her. a real man admits his mistakes. but saying that i just want to find another virgin woman to fill my lust is below the belt. don't you think you should know me first before you say something like that? i'm sorry... i think you have a point but i am really offended by your statement.
@mohdehtesham (140)
• India
15 Jul 09
I am geniune person with small heart i dont cheat with any one .I am serious with my feeling and i am in love with girl.I love her more than anything and she loves me too.But its to common about cheating either it is girl or boy.Sometimes what happen either a girl or boy wants to time pass.They just think that its just time pass for time bieng .Its like fashion maintaining lots of boyfriends or girlfriends.But they dont that they are playing with someone feeling.
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
15 Jul 09
I've not been cheated on, but I went on a date with an old friend that told me how bad his current relationship was, and how he wanted to get out. We had a good time, but I left something in his car that I wanted to pick up, so I saw him two days later. Everything still eemed to be fine, but then he emailed me and told me that he was going back home (he's an OTR truck driver) to straighten his life out, and that he felt bad about cheating on her. I only responded to his words--I had just recently broken up from a five + year relationship where I was the other woman (but told constantly that it was nothing)--I told the new guy how much it hurt me to learn of that and he put me into the same role. I'm afraid to ever date again! I think that both times, I just happened to be in the wrong place while they had their midlife crisis--they were upset with woman #1, so they decided to try woman #2, but realized they wanted #1 back. It hurts like he11, since I only proceeded thinking that these guys were telling me the truth--I'm afraid I'm going to have some serious trust issues from now on.
@mdvarghese (1789)
• Bangalore, India
14 Jul 09
Hi..tojoad
I had the same experience . But this is the otherway around. I cheated by my girlfriend. And I never spoke to her.
@mariechin (426)
• Philippines
15 Jul 09
I cheated once to for curiosity's sake. it was acceptable but I found identity after that. I had a relationship with girl then one day something strike my mind and I tried to seduce a man. My girlfriend and I broke up and Though nothing happened to the man I seduced, I am now having a serious relationship with a man. IN your case, you were just controlled by a woman with an aggressive personality. She knew your weakness that's why she seduced you. Next time make sure you would fall under a woman captivating beauty again. It takes a lot of courage and determination to resist temptation. If you don't have it then you lose. IT's not appealing to a guy to be under a woman's hand, its very coward thing to be under a woman's spell. IN my case, I did cry after our broke up and I also think I deserve it. Lesson learned, guard your ego make sure you wont be fooled by the captivating beauty of a woman. Of course, you won't be attracted if the woman is ugly right so be alert when you see an attractive woman giving you an attention. It might be a temptation, remember even satan appear as an angel of light.
@cbeee3 (2061)
• India
14 Jul 09
I have had the taste of that bad medicine too. But mine was in my marriage.
Got proposed to at 22, married at 23.. Found out my now ex husband cheating and divorced him at 25. I think me walking out was the best decision I ever made.
He was all teary eyed in the court room. Now I have just become wiser. I don't work that way.If I love someone I love someone.End of story, nothing and noone can make me cheat. I know myself well enough to know that.
Sorry for my rant..I like to ramble as you can very well see. 
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
15 Jul 09
cheating is very bad for both in a relationship, your situation or your experienced makes a big help to a lot of people, specially boys. we all know that man are polygamous in nature, and we all know that..!! there's a lot of guys out there are doing that things now without conscience in their girls.. i hope man now will stop cheating and also women to stop cheating also for us to have a happy life ahead..
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Jul 09
hmmm...that's a question I've always tried to understand.I don't know if my husband is cheating on me. But I've known men who have cheated their wives and been with people I know. And I've always wondered why. I mean, if they weren't getting along well with their wives, I can understand (not that I think it's right....but I atleast find some justification there)....but they claim to love their wives too and have no problems on that front....then I don't understand why they cheat. And these friends of mine are not aggressive at all. In fact, most of the time, they are not aware till it's too late...that the person they are involved with is married (happily at that).
