should we put all the pasts behind?

Yes, the past is past. But your partner telling lies about the past is not good. You will never know when she is telling the truth no matter how much she swears that it is the truth. You will always know that if she can lie once she can lie again.

If that is to be in the past so is your love! My brother and I were discussing marriage vowels and how it pertained to someone in our family. One of the interesting points was vowels were love, honor, and respect. If you are cheating or have been cheated on you aren't honoring or being honored nor are you respected or being respected. I guess you can tell the cheater your marriage vowels were in the past so they don't apply to you either.

People can have learned from past mistakes. A person can't change the past but hopefully they can have a happy future. The key to a decent relationship is clear communication. When a person should discuss past events can be confusing in a relationship. I read in a magazine a lady had an abortion when she was a teenager. She hated herself for that and she can't find the courage to tell her boyfriend about it. A man had an affair but will never do so again is another thing I read.

It is upon to your character. Some guys don't care about it, some not. It is not a very serious problem. If You don't touch your partner's past, you will never feel hurt. Please give him or her enough space for privacy. It will also be helpful to yourself.

If you really love the person and you know that he is willing to have a second chance with you and he is serious with that, then I think we should froget the past and start all over again. Nobody is perfect so I think we should forget the wrong things that people have done to us. Holding the negative feelings for such a long time makes you sick. It is bad for our health. So If you think you can't forgive him, them move on and forget him. There are a lot of guys out there who is better than him.

hi loveykoh :) [b]Yes, I think so. It's very hard work. It involves forgiving yourself and others, changing your thinking so that the mistakes of the past aren't repeated, and putting one foot in front of the other. There's this moment, here and now, to be lived, and then countless moments after that to be lived fully and appreciated. While it isn't really possible to let go of the past in one gesture, pieces of it at a time can be put in their proper place - the past. That's not to say you don't remember. You do remember, and learn, and go forward. Your past doesn't define you - what you do about it does.[/b] happy mylotting

To me there is no point reacting to events that had been done in the past. If your partner is already making up for the past mistakes and already is trying to show you that he/she had changed I think then that there is no need to react at all let it all be, dont dwell in the past rather look behind all the faults and concentrate on a happy future together. Been there done that and I assure you it will be all good.Have a great day :)

This is a hard one, because my now ex boyfriend cheated on my in December, I found out about it in May and he confessed. We broke up instantly. But a couple of months later, we became a little more than friends and now we are "unoffically together" due to the fact that I am moving half way down the country in less than 2 months, so if we were to get back together, we'd have to split up because he cannot move with me and the idea of a long distance relationship is not for us. He is going to come down and visit me but that isn't really enough for a relationship in my opinion. So I suppose I have forgiven him to a point. I know his reasons for doing it and if I was not involved in the situation then I probably wouldn't blame him and for this reason I cannot stay angry at him. I don't think the past should be left in the past, because if you forget about it completely then you will never learn from it and the same will happen again and again and again.

hi lovey. in my opinion, we should forget everything, whoever has the fault, put the past behind, especially if we are already having another relationship today. whoever is hurt, i know wound can be healed by the present. i guess what is important with the present is to talked about the past, so that this present will never get shocked and get hurt when time comes that present learns about past, from other people. hope this helps... neil

yah i still believes on that saying, past is past. but still i feel hurt and a bit insecure at first of course. but all we have to do is to accept it and learn to forget those things happens in the past.

Past is past, but flashback exists. I guess there's nothing wrong with remembering the past when it makes you gain another set to power up your strenght and confidence. The sad thing is when you cannot move on with that past. Let me share you this, I did one mistake in the past and until now I still have the guilt that I did nothign to fix it. It's creepy.

It is hard to put the past behind, but if we consider to have a good relationship, we should forgive each other. in order to let go the past, one has to talk openly and admit his/her own mistakes. with true love and affection, the wounds can be healed. however if the same thing is repeated again, i don't think it is easy to forget and forgive. knowing that you are partner is easy to be convinced with love and affection, some do the same mistake again. which is a total disaster...that would mean that there is no truth and sincerity in the relationship. Once it is forgotten and forgiven the same mistake should not be repeated. if i m the one who is at fault i would definitely ask for forgiveness, without any hesitation. "rule for one is rule for all" :) happy mylotting!

Let the past as learning as the sayings goes "learn from your experience". Be focus in the present and open your mind for what will happen next or in the future. But for me past is still to remember from here we could start a new life and from this past we could be guided how we could improve our present and days for tomorrow. Let bygone be bygones as to others. Well if only we would take a look from this past we could be stronger and knowlegdeable the next time around we must remember our mistakes and faults in the past to be able to conquer the problem in the future.

no, its not required to all of us to have a past behind

What you say here is exactly what I went through and you describe it perfectly. After about 30 years of marriage I brought up the subject of someone we both knew back early in our marriage. I had wondered then if there may be something with them but I didn't want to look at it as I found his wife attractive at the time. We went dancing with them often back then and I was quite taken by her. I did not follow up on it as my marriage was too important to me. So one day I ask, thinking I could take it, if she had had an affair with him. At my insistence she told me she had. Well even though I thought it would not, that hurt. But for some reason it dawned on me that if she could do that with one, I had to ask, why not more. This was many years ago so even she had forgotten about it. I kind of expected there may have been one other. Eventually she admitted that there had been 7 all together. I was devastated. I was not sure how I could cope with that or even what to do. I began seeing a crises councilor once a week. That was a very tough time but as time went on I come to grips with it and because it had been so many years ago I decided we could go on. We were very good friends and so I saw no need to give that up. But there was no question I lost trust in her. Space forward a few more years to being married 39 years and because of difficult life circumstances at the time she began having another affair. When I found out I was hurt all over again but not like the first time. She moved out and we divorced. The thing that hurt the most was something you said in your last sentence. In spite of the fact she had turned my world upside down she didn't seem concerned at all. Her attitude was pretty much like "well it happened, it was a long time ago, can't be undone, so get use to it". I think that hurt more than the affairs. I do hope that you did not have to go through that.

Hi Loveykoh, I think we all should, we should just see it as an experience we learn from and take advantage of the mistakes we made and not make them again. It might not be easy to do but the least we can do is try :) Thx

well its better to leav the past behind coz past is past but on ther hand i agree its hard to 4get abt ur past coz u cant denie what has happnd .... u wont get anythng thnking abt the past but pain so its better to leav and start a new begining

as far as im concerned. i could forgive but ill never forget,,,therefore it would never be behind you