Share a poem you wrote.....comments/constructive criticism welcome!
By fruitcakeliz
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
United States
July 17, 2009 11:36pm CST
here's one of mine, entitled Goodbye
You know,I don't hate you.
I don't even come close.
The only emotions i feel
are confusion...
and a little bitterness.
I can't understand wht happened.
Why you walked away,
And most of all
Why you didn't say goodbye
In a way that was clear.
A defined moment woul have made it easier.
A line where i could say
THIS is when we were together,
And THIS is where we are now.
Then perhaps i would understand.
Instead it just faded away.
I thought we were doing great,
But you disapeared.
Your voice, your face..
No longer a part of my life.
You turned your back
And broke the bond
That held you and i together.
And you didn't bother telling me.
2 people like this
4 responses
@lizzrr (135)
•
18 Jul 09
I love to write anything, it can be poem too. However, whenever I write a poem, I'm into rhythmic style and more into love topic =)
As for your poem, I love it, I can relate to it, but in opposite way, rather "you" it's I. =P but it somewhat a sad goodbye. I don't think there is anything you have to change or possibly but do keep it up. I'd love to read more from you. =D
2 people like this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
18 Jul 09
thank you very much for your response, and for the compliment.
When i first started writing poetry they were all very rythmic and rhymey....but i kind of fell away from it as i continued on with my writing. I felt like i was forcing my writing too much by trying to make it fit specific patterns, and i wasn't always able to get my feelings across with out feeling a bit on the "corny" side.
i am sure at some point i will post more from my collection...but i don't want to bring anyone down from reading them! lol....because unfortunately i only get inspired to write during the not so great times in life...
but once again, thank you!
1 person likes this
@glesil_00 (1142)
• Philippines
21 Jul 09
Wow, you received the best response in this discussion. I received best response thrice already and happy that the poster of the discussion chose my respond as the best. Its another inspiration and encouragement to stay in mylot.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
19 Jul 09
thanks for the compliment...
it is definately one i wrote a while ago *lol*....during a not so fun time in life.
1 person likes this
@allegradream (210)
•
18 Jul 09
Beautiful poem, really thought provoking and sad, would love to read more of your poems :)
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
19 Jul 09
thanks so much for your kind words...and maybe i'll post some more in the near future....
1 person likes this
@inkstainedheart (455)
• United States
21 Jul 09
What a sad poem! But it's so pretty, too.
Here's a poem that I wrote back in college.
Where are you?
I'm lost and I need your help.
Nowhere to turn, wherever I go
I'll still be all alone.
I can't find you
Where have you gone?
Now I'm in trouble
And there's no one here
To rescue me.
The duo's split up--
Now it's just me and
I can't bear to see us this way
Living my nightmares from day to day.
I call out your name but you don't appear.
It'd help so much just to know you're near
Close to my heart
That's where you'll stay
Wherever you go
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
21 Jul 09
Thank you, and thanks for sharing some of your writing as well. It is very good! We have all felt that way at some point haven't we? The one we love no longer a part of our lives...just feeling lost and alone. At lest we can all comiserate in our misery!
