Relationships are so difficult sometimes, especially with family!

Sometimes it is very hard to gets along with your family. In my experience my father and I always had fights because of his attitude. I want him to clean his mess and always reprimanded him in his vices but he never listen to us or to anyone. Sometimes I want to curse him on giving me so much headaches. Some of my siblings are very lazy to do household chores so I'm the one who needs to do all of it because I can't depend on them. When they got sick last week I'm the one do all of the household chores sometimes I complained to them that they should help me. I don't if it is a blessing or not that I don't get sick like them.

I know with the budget cuts it is difficult to get the help you think you are in need of. This is happening everywhere right now and putting families and individuals in desperate circumstances. I am sorry for this but let me try to help with some suggestions. Search your area for "free" outreach programs. Depending upon where you live many communities offer them. Sometimes they are offered through state programs sometimes through community / church programs. It sounds to me like you need to be able to sit and talk with others who are dealing with similar issues and can help you through the bouts of depression and sorting through your feelings. The internet might help a bit, but human contact is going to help more. You tried to talk to your daughter and she got angry. I suspect that she is feeling the pressure and the heat just as you are. Maybe try to approach it differently. Tell her that you love her and your grandchildren but don't feel capable of caring for them at this time. Ask her to work with you to find the right balance and a better setting for the children during the day. Again, depending on where you live there are frequently programs for children that are free, yes even special needs children. If you daughter isn't aware of your depression make her aware of it so she understands your concerns and that you are trying to find solutions not make more problems for the family. Because your living situation is due to financial need the three adults in the household will need to work together to sort out what each of you need and want from the relationships. You will need to be honest with them about what is going on with you in your heart and mind. Lay your concerns on the table and work together to find some reasonable solutions. I suspect that if you can talk to them without anger (on all sides) you will find they are feeling scared and trapped also. Finding common ground will be the first step to finding solutions. Don't let a bad situation get worse by doing nothing. I know this is easy to do when you are depressed. Start with small steps, finding some programs that are free where you can start talking to adults with similar issues and problems. Finding some programs for the children, even if it is only one or two days a week. There is no real solution to the heat, but if you have any spare money at all small fans to move the air in the house might help. A small pool in the backyard for the kids to play in might also help (WalMart had these for about $15). Can't solve the messy house (this one drives me crazy all the time too), but keeping one part of the house for you to escape to as an oasis of calm and clean might help.

That's what the internet is for! Of course some psycho family member will come on and ask why one is spreading all their problems to the world, but hey!! It has to come out somewhere, and if people can't talk to those close to them, they'll go on line! LOL I know that feeling, and I've had to do the same quite often (I know what it's like to have family drive me nuts).

Hi Horsesrule, nice to meet you... First I suggest you be grateful for the sincere and the situation at this time. There must be a wisdom behind all this. God's plan is a mystery. Everyone certainly have a problem living. Troubleshoot according to your ability, then submit to God. Do not avoid the problem. Poverty is not a fault or crime. Disappointed and sad can not solve the problem. Feeling sad will add a new problem. Sad will make all you have to be not valuable. Be grateful you're still alive, still healthy and still have many friends. You are not alone in this world. Life is beautiful. Enjoy what there is.

Ok listen remember one thing that things change and it won't stay the same for long. Before you know it the weather will get cooler and the kids will be back in school. Do you have any interest like hobbie to keep you busy and not depressed. Maybe reading a good book. Playing games with the kids to keep you all occupied and calm. Remember though you need time to be alone to do the things you like too do. Whether in the house or not. Try to look at things as funny then depressing. Try and put on a happy face. That alone will make you feel better and everyone else around you too. Good luck and remember things will change before you know it.

Hi Horsesrule. I was somehow touched by what you wrote. I understand how you feel. At this point in time, it is very hard to make a decision because you feel devastated and it would not be the right time to think wisely. It is very hard for 2 families to be staying in one house, with all the kids with her. While I do know that you earnestly want to help your daughter, it is a fact that you cannot do so, because deep inside you, you are not feeling well. Take some time off. A day or two is fine. It would help you regain the focus you once had. Getting yourself into a new view breaks away the monotony that is making our lives boring. Do not worry about your daugther and her kids. They will be just fine. I do know that budget gests in the way for you to do things you love. If someone could help you with it, fine, get all the help you need. Do not forget to take care of yourself. Nobody can complete you. Only you yourself can do that for yourself. You deserve it. Oh, by the way, I am getting myself out of the house, just for this day. I also need sometime alone. I deserve it as well.

its true my friend that relationships are sometimes become very difficult to handle . i and my mom live together , but a new member joined us , she is my GRAND MOTHER , from my mother's side , my father dislikes to have any other member in our family ,that situation became so much difficult to handle that i cannot explain to you but my grand mother understood the silent storm going through in the family so just went to some relatives house may be her sister of very far relation . now every thing is ok . i feel very bad for her .

Dear Houserule! I hope you are feeling a little better . I know it can be hard to live with your adult children, and you seem to have a few difficult problems. First, you did not mention your age, I am wondering when the last time you had a check up? It is important to take care of your body, it will only help the mind. This heat is also making things un-liveable....If you could get into your doctor, you might just need an antidepressant, I know pills are not the answer, but in this case it could be your problem. Also a vitiman shot can do wonders for a body when you have been running circles around kids. I only mention this because I raised five kids, and my doctor had me on a regular schedual with the vitiman thing, it really help ed me. You need to clear out your head and stop feeling so overwhelmed, there are alot of things you can do to helddp yourself. First get the kids on a schedual, have the older ones help with the house work, give each child a chore to do and stick to it. Let nothing become a fight. The kids learn from you two adults, so set a good example with your daughter. Sit your daughter down and the two of you have a ggod talk. You are the oldest in this group so its up to you to lead the way.How would you, yourself want to be treated if you were your daughter? use your skills as a mother and a helper to get your point across. encourage her, keep up an uplifted spirit. I know it may be hard at first, but it will pay off in the endBe united in your treatment and expectations for theas kids. sit down rules that will work, because you believe in them. Never ask a child to do something you yourself wont do. Have a reward day where you and the kids get to do something fun. Both of you ladies share in this ok. Then work it out so you can give your daughter part of a day off, you can do it and it will make you feel better. Don't let that health issue get in your way, you need to be more active, and freash air is great for you, get those kids outside when in cools off in the late afternoon. Then pick your day off let the kids know you love them, but you need a day for yourself. Go visit a friend are what ever you like, but stick to it. I think you two have kind of let the kids take over the run of the house, but kids want and need discipline. rules that keep them and you both safe and happy. You girls just need to sit down and think about it. But you can do it and you are doing a beautiful thing by helping your daughter and your family. I'm so sorry about your health, but trust me it will improve as your outlook improves. the best of luck to you thebox2

Staying with your daughter and her family is a kinda of pleasure for you coz you are surrounding by your own family members. Try to spend more times with your daughters and your grandchilds. Whatever problem you are facing...discuss with them. Sure you can live happily with your daugther.

relationship in family is give and take. So every week you should give something in your family. make adjustable according to others. Think what is good, what is bad. take meetings meeting once in month, understand their problem. at end of day whatever we do is for our family we can not live alone as we are human being. When british ruling over india they were giving punishment to stay away from country.

yes they are. but this was not the case before hand when we had a united family where we had many members and they would solve our problems!

the misery is the curriculum which the life must experience.