The boy who bit off his mother's ear...

Hi jaiho . Thanks for exxpressing your view here. My take on this though is a bit different. Let me use you and your boys (if I may) as an example to convey my view. What if you idolise those boys to the point where you figure that you will not do anything which makes them sad or hurt their feelings? In order to do this you avoid correcting them and allow them to have their own way. It just breaks your heart to see them sad. The boys grow up never appreciating right or wrong behaviours. Whatever they do they know mom will be there to bail them out. Those same childhood practices are taken into adulthood. They rape: Mom comes running. They steal: Mom comes running. They destroy public or private property: Mom comes running. When such a child finally does the ultimate and takes another's life do we blame just him or should fingers also be pointed at the mother. I guess that is what the boy meant when he told his mother: If you had corrected me all those times I did wrong, had you been more strict instead of allowing me to have my own way, I would not have been here today. I would not have become a criminal and would have learnt to respect others and their property more. Thanks once again for sharing your view here.

In your case as a responsible mother your boys would be amiss to try to lay blame at your feet should they take the path this boy took. The boy in this story had a mother whose value system was the opposite of yours and that is the reason I agree with the boy for blaming her. She just did not execute her motherly duties. Continue the great job you are doing Jaiho

From the start my kids will ever do mistakes,there is always a lesson to be learned...for them and for me.If they committed any mistakes depending on the weight of it,they know there is a punsihment.So,if ever my boys will still lead a wrong path,they can't blame me anymore,for i know myself i had given my best to descipline them...i never consented my kids wrongdoings...never.For i want my kids to grow in good manners and as a good citizen...especially GOD fearing person.

Hi krajibg . I agree. Children must be guided by their parents even if the parent finds it a hard task. Children cannot grow themselves. They need to be nutured even when they are stubborn. As a teacher I have seen many cases where the parent lose their role and try to be the child's best friend. I am left wondering who is the child and who is the parent. Thanks for sharing.

exactly...

Hi twoey I take your point but I see it differently inthis case. I believe that the key to this guys dilema is that his mother failed to correct him whenever he did something wrong. Many parents find certain behaviours in a child to be cute and harmless. These very parents sometimes dispise such behaviours in someoneslses child. There are too many cases of the parent trying tobe the child's best friend and wanting to be labeled as the cool mom or dad. A parents role is notbe cool but rather to be a good parent. If they happen to be cool thats great but the most important thing is that they raise children who will contribute positively to the society. The boy had choices but here he wouldbe asked to nuture himself. He would have been allowed to get away wiith just about anything as a child but is expected to recognise right from wrong as he grows older and to choose to do right. Some kids have been able to groom themselves that way but most have not. That is very evident in our society today. Too many misguided young people moving around like loose cannon hurting other people. I just wouldnotlet such a mother off the hook at all. The boy has to bear the consequences of his actions but she also should always be remeinded that her own neglegence contributed to the man her son had become. Afterall, if he had become someone great she wouldhave wanted to be given some credit for raising a fine young man. Thanks as always for sharing your views twoey

i only see the mother being mentioned here, what about the father? is this story true? if so i don't see any mention of the father, twoeye is right, this kid made his bed, he made the mistakes and is now blaming his mother, i don't see anything about his father. + - ! Hi Tatty . I do not know of the story being real. It is usually told to convey a message to parents about their role. I have nevr heard any mention of the father. I figure that as is common in the lives of toomany children there is an inactive or absent father. I agree the boy made his own discison and the consequences are his to bear but the same is true for the mother. She chose not to correct him while the duty was her'sto nurture him. Her influence in his life plays a part in who he became so I think he did well to remind her of that.

Hi Cynthiann Unfortunately Cynthiann the mother did not raise the boy well. Here the boy revealed her choice method of nurturing him: If you had corrected me all those times I did wrong, had you been more strict instead of allowing me to have my own way, I would not have been here today. I would not have become a criminal and would have learnt to respect others and their property more. Too many parents try to bbe their child's best friend and neglect their role which includes the wrongs of the child. Adults are definately responsible for their actions but it is true too that many adults struggle with the ability to do right after practicing to do the wrong especially from childhood. Remember that saying 'bend the tree from its young or else when it gets big you will have to cut it down'.... I think thats the case here. The story brings to mind all those parents who run to the school and get at the teacher for trying to discipline their children. The child breaks a school rule and the parents support them. I have seen enough of those cases during the years I spent teaching. Later the same parents go begging for the child to get a letter of recommendation or for them to be allowed to graduate. At what point do those parents stand up and nurture the child in the correct manner? There are just too many real stories which brings this one to life.

Hi Knight . I agree that we are responsible for the decisions we make. That is why I agree with tehe boy blaming his mother to some extent. While he was under her supervision she made decisions which would affect both their lives forever. I do not believe that delinquent parents are to be rendered blameless in such instances. She would no doubt want to bear a part of the glory had the boy chosen a more acceptable path. Thanks for sharing your view here

I agree as well as I disagree with you cgbrand. I believe that parents contribute to who their children become. Some parents definately cannot be faulted for the actions of their children but there are the delinquent parents, who like the child, should not be let off the hook. Can you imagine having a neighbour or relative who never corrects their kids when they do something wrong but turn around and blame those kids for becoming a bad adult? Hypocrisy I guess. Children live what they learn so parents ought to teach well. A child cant practice something for all his growing up years and then just be expected to drop it when he becomes an adult. What they are taught during childhood should be preparing them for adulthood.

Hi Foxxee Yes it can go either way for a child who is raised with poor qualities. The child can find a mentor and decide within himself that he wants to be like that person. The parent ought not to be credited with the person that child turns out to be as they did not play their role as a parent. On the otherhand, there are children who look only to their parents for guidance and just feel that others ought not to intervene in their lives. It would be sad for a parent to miss out on the oppurtunity of really passing on some good values to this child. Both cases are sometimes evident in one family. Whatever the temperament of a child a parent ought to furnish them with the right values and attitudes. If the child deviates from that which he is taught then is fate is his own doing. In the case of the boy in the story I believe the parent helped to seal his fate.

Well said Icehut... Well said.

Hi Ucue... I believe it is a great story as well. As to its origin I am notsure. It is a story which is told locally here Jamaica and is used in motivational sessions or other such appropriate events. I agree that the child has a mind of his own but we ought to remember that some persons are strong willed while some are weak. I have seen so many cases where the child acts up just to get some attention from one or both parents. Take for example parents who are so career focused that they spend very little time with the child but ensure that he gets all the material stuff they feel necessary. That child is basically left to raise himself. Who can tell how this child's anger at being neglected willplay out. I truly believe that if we spend time to have children then we ought to spend quality time raising them inthe right manner. Child bearing takes a lot of effort but the nuturing demands even more effort and a longer time (untilthe child becomes an adult). Well thats my take on it and I must say thank you for sharing yours.