Asking versus already knowing???

United States
July 18, 2009 9:55pm CST
Hi mylotters This a question that I have had for a while now... I can see both sides of the argument so I was wondering how everyone else feels about this... Now have to keep in my this is from my perceptive.. Ok you are living with someone else and there are things that are need to be done around the house.. One person generally does most of the cleaning.. Yes we all wish that it was 50/50 but that is a fantasy world in my opinion... Granted communication is the most important thing in a relationship; discussing needs, wants, hopes, and dreams... but is it there a point were with certain things nothing needs to be said to get something done?? You see a sink full of dishes, do them... If there are toys all over the floor, pick them up.. If there are dirty clothes that need to be washed was them... I figure it is common sense.. Is my expectations too high? Or what? Maybe it is because I have a tendency to be a go getter.. Meaning if there is something that needs to be done, I do it, as soon as I can.. Or do it on my cleaning days, where that is basically all I do for the day.. Some may thing that this is an old tradition; but it is not... Women belong in the kitchen while men are working... Well it the next millennium here.. Living on just one income does not happen much anymore.. Do you think the house hold chores are shared? Nope.. Some men (not all) think that if they make more money for the house hold that means they are exempt from the duties of the house... Wrong! Putting all of that stress on just one person is not RIGHT or FAIR!! Granted most of the time women know how to clean just about anything.. But how do you think they learned??? Asking questions... Getting help... It that too much to ask?? So what if you may look like an idiot to the other person.. The other person just might be in shock because of the fact that you do not know... Some might find this surprising but there are a lot of men out there that do not know how to start a washing machine, but know how to get the car working... When there are little knobs with labels telling what is what.. And most of the new washer, dryers, have instructions right on the under side of the washer.. How much soap to use.. what types of clothing need what cycles... Not trying to have a male bashing session here or anything like that... There are some women out there with the same problem.. My sister did not know how to wash dishes or do laundry until she had her first kid... and now she does not really know how to cook that much... Granted I touched on a lot of different topics in one discussion but that is how is goes sometimes... Well mylotter what do you think??? Asking versus knowing?? Helping instead of waiting to be asked... Thank you for your comments in advance
1 person likes this
1 response
LovingLife139
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
19 Jul 09
I think it definitely helps the relationship if either partner does a chore without being asked...keeps the stress level low. I make the highest amount of money between my husband and I, but since I'm home more often, I do all of the laundry, a lot of the sweeping, mopping, cleaning, and mechanical work (fixing things, building things, "making things work", etc.). My husband works 70 hours one week, then is off the next (third shift at his employer works this way), but he always does most of the cooking, almost all of the dishes, and always takes the trash out. It is sometimes a little unequal because I simply do so much. But my husband is also in school, and I enjoy cleaning and organizing. I love making things look nice, and he needs reminding, so I just do it. I don't feel bitter toward him...in fact, I tend to have more free time than he does. So even though the chore load isn't equal, it makes sense to me for us. Since I make the most money, from a personal standpoint, just because you make the most is a bullcrap reason for not doing anything. Even if I put in a 40 hour work week to make more than my husband, I would still hold myself accountable for doing at least some of the chores in our house. Now, my husband and I aren't having kids so I won't ever have to worry about that extra bit, but I can't imagine having kids and doing all the housework, only to see your husband come home and be lazy. That is ridiculous.
1 person likes this
sjvenden27
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
19 Jul 09
Thank you for sharing how the two of you; get the stuff done around the house.. I understand that nothing is ever going to be equal.. I am not married, yet anyways.. But I know that once I do get married I am stuck persay.. So I am trying to figure out what my expectations are and lay them down; kind of like this is the way it is thing... Might sound harsh, but I have been married before... Man he was the laziest person I ever knew... Too bad I did not know this before I go married.. I am glad that there is at least one other person that feels that it should be shared... I mean me and my other half have had conversations about this but I do not think it sunk in or did not make a difference.. Now we are in our own place, and the issue is not about our ex room mates.. They both work full time, have three kids.. but the wife is in charge of doing everything while he is at home playing video games on his time off... Which is totally wrong in my opinion; but the wife decides it is easier to just leave things the way they are... That is her choice... See my other half is gone most of the time out in the truck.. So I do not see him but once a month or so.. I understand that if he is not here that I wont have help.. But I feel that he can do more when he is home... Playing video games shouldn't be on the top of his to do list... granted he is not able to do that when he his out... But heck I do not play video games either... I have too much work around the house, three year old to take care of, and all of the other things with life..