I'm Not Really Looking For Anyone Right Now...
By singlemommy
@singlemommy (2955)
United States
July 19, 2009 11:26pm CST
I'm not sure how to feel anymore. I have really come to a point in my life where I feel like I don't need a man in my life. I'm content with who I am and where I am in my life. Am I saying that I don't want to move forward in my life? Um, no. I do, but I'm saying that I'm happy with the way things are in my life right now and I do want to move on and make something more of myself for me and my children.
I know, I know you are thinking, "Where is she going with this?". Well, I am going to be taking some stuff to a friend of my mother's tomorrow and I found out that she wants to "hook me up" with a guy who is a little younger than me, in college, etc. He just moved here and doesn't know anyone or anything. So, now, when I take this stuff, this guy is going to be there. I really don't know what to think about it because I'm really not looking for anyone right now. I'm sure he is a nice guy and all but I don't know what to think.
I know I haven't even met this guy yet and I'm already tripping over it. He may not even like me or vise versa. But I have really come to a point where I'm content with not worrying about whether someone is interested in me or not. I have had a few "crushes", well, one in particular that most here on MyLot know about and it went no where. I realized that it wasn't going anywhere and I've moved on and I just have felt that I don't want a man in my life. Maybe it is that I have developed this fear of being hurt. I don't want to be rejected, used, etc.
So, do any of you have any advice on how I should handle the situation tomorrow? Do I just act normal, just get introduced and walk away? What should I do?
12 people like this
27 responses
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
20 Jul 09
Hey singlemommy! I think that you should not make anything
of it. This guy is in college, which means he isn't in a
position to be the kind of person that you need in your life
if you were going to have a relationship. If you have truly
decided that you are ok with yourself and don't need a man
in your life then why are you even thinking about this? This
guy is not what you need. He isn't established. You really
need to stop looking for a man totally! You are a smart and
beautiful woman and you will find a person who is right for
you if you stop looking and stop being in such a hurry. Try
to concentrate on you, your children and your life in general
and you will be surprised at the different opportunities
that will open up for you!
3 people like this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
20 Jul 09
Sage...sage advice, Opal! It's what I was trying to say, but you said it best!
2 people like this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
20 Jul 09
We have similarities somehow. I also stop looking too and never pressure a potential partner to notice. It doesn't meant that you lose you hope but find it something tiring. If someone is meant to be and you are destined for each others. No matter what the distances separates you by years or time. A man that is truly given to you will come even if you stop looking. Women really are in panic when her biological clock is ticking and somehow rush in to get a man. But, if you already have a child then it is better than no child. A joy of having a child is endless happiness. If someone is interested to you and you both love each other. Then, go on to build good relationship and do not refrain from accepting a proposal if it will makes you happy.
3 people like this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
20 Jul 09
I know exactly how you feel. If something ever should happen in my marriage and I become single again, I would not be in any hurry to meet someone else either. I do not want to be hurt and used anymore by men either. I would just roll with the flow and see how it goes. I would not go out of my way for it though.
3 people like this
@ketybhagat (4123)
• India
20 Jul 09
When you are mentally unprepared for a relationship, than it is best for you to avoid falling into one, just because your friend has set it up with a guy. I would suggest that you go and meet that guy and make it plain to him that you are just a freind and that you will help him out wherever it is possible, but to look no further. You are doing him a service as he is new, but otherwise, keep cool. Dont ever get pushed into a relationship when you are mentally unprepared. You may like the guy, but take it one step at a time. He is younger than you, so maybe he will also be looking for someone young. Just dont take friendship as something more, or you will end up being h urt again. good luck.
3 people like this
@veejay19 (3589)
• India
20 Jul 09
I can understand your feelings singlemommy. In everyones life, not neccessarily, there comes a time when he/she feels that enough is enough and i might as well make the best of it on my own. This happens because we expect too much from others and when things don`t our way we get hurt and disillusioned. It is then that we decide not to get involved with anyone. However one cannot remain in such a situation for long as we are social animals and the desire to find someone comes back again. But we develop wariness ,as in your case, and take things cautiously. Now your mom has decided to take things in her hand and has found someone younger than you. Is it wise to have somebody whom you know nothing of and who is probably not mature enough? I would suggest that you meet him and talk to him and find out what he thinks about you, your life together etc. Don`t commit anything, just be friendly and see what he has to say. Avoid any type of sentiment to creep in and be completely natural. After all you have children and you can easily find out whether he will accept you along with them or not.Just be yourself and be casual. Let him make all the advances. by now you must be experienced enough to guage a man`s intentions and feelings. Best of luck.
3 people like this
@khayshenz (1384)
• United States
20 Jul 09
I think that you should forget the fact that your friend has set this whole thing up - and that the guy is just a friend of a friend that you haven't met. Once you've met him, don't expect ANYTHING! Once you've done the whole "nice meeting you" - if you have to do other stuff somewhere (or to help out your friend) then say so, and do so. If not, then chat it up for a little while. If you're compelled to leave because you feel pressured or whatever, then you should.
Then the next day - informed your friend(s) about what you've told us on here. That right now you're not interested. That you're happy at this moment where you are, and that's good enough for now.
Good luck!
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
20 Jul 09
Just act normal. It is ok to feel the way you do. I have felt that way for a few years now. i am content. Is that to say that if the right guy should happen in to my life I wouldn't change my mind no. I leave the door open I just don't go seeking it.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
20 Jul 09
The best thing to do is go with your instinct. If you are not read, not interested, and not looking for a man, then don't look for one. Don't let friends set you up, don't get into situations where you are under pressure.
My husband and I met by accident on a writing site, and we became friends, later falling in love, and marrying. It's not what we were expecting the night we met, but it's what eventually happened.
3 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Jul 09
I'd say go ahead and meet him, be polite and leave. If he's interested he'll find a way to see you again. But that doesn't mean you have to see him if you want to avoid a relationship right now. Remember, you're the one in control.
It's good that you've arrived at this point! Now that you don't NEED a man, your next relationship is going to be terrific. It's our neediness that gets us into trouble, attracts the wrong guys and drives away the right ones.
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
20 Jul 09
Hi singlemommy,
My advice is don't think too much of this guy that you are going to meet, just treat it as maybe a new friend, thats all, if you are going to be thinking of boyfriend, you are going to feel like this, take it easy, he may be all that be just be nice an may become friends, just that and nothing else, one day you will meet someone when you least expected so for now be happy the way you are and don't worry about anything.
Tamara
2 people like this
@iamsolucky (1241)
• Philippines
20 Jul 09
Hi singlemommy,
Sometimes when you are not looking, then there are people who will get interested to you, heheheh. Life is like that. Just go on with the flow of life. Enjoy it, be good, smile.
Happy mylotting and smile always!
@jewelali_91 (33)
• Philippines
20 Jul 09
be yourself. if you are happy the way you are and the way things are going on in your life, there is nothing to worry. that is very healthy. why worry of the things to come if you are contented with what you've got? meeting new persons may be good or may be bad to you it depends, if you are not sure of yourself yet, why be obliged to meet someone in the light of a romantic interest when you can meet as what normal individual would react? just simply being an acquaintance or a friend. the steps of moving forward or leveling up in a relationship will be dependent on two individuals' perception and feelings towards each other. why hinder yourself meeting new friends, you might regret it later on not knowing that person in advance and let slipped off the opportunity of getting to know him her better.
if you really think that you are what you are right now, then be confident and be positive, always looking forward to maturity, to enlightenment and making life the way you want it to be.
2 people like this
@megha_gupta (132)
• India
20 Jul 09
Well what I personally think that one always need someone in their lives. Maybe its correct that you don't feel the need of anymore men in you rlife because of th efear of rejection or being used etc. I don't know what all you have gone through in your life but I do tink you should give life another chance.
Go meet that guy who your mother's friend wants you to introduce with. There's no harm in meeting new people even if you don't want to fall in love with them. Just go have a nice chat and if you happen to like that guy it's really great and if u don't you are already enjoying your life the way it is, so NO big deal! :)
Wish you all the best!
2 people like this
@maverick_tarun (52)
• India
20 Jul 09
Listin wat ur heart says...never compromise for any one coz it is ur life. in ur past may be u hve gone through sme situations but listin one thing never find love but love will find u!!!! if it has 2 happen it will happen so dnt think much about it.....
2 people like this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
20 Jul 09
As the old adage goes; JUST BE YOURSELF! I am sure that if there is even a tweek of interest, you will know! I think the time that you can be most comfortable in a relationship, is when you are most comfortable with YOURSELF! I have learned that you can't love some-one else, 'til you love yourself first, and are totally comfortable with being alone! You are then NOT co-dependent, or interdependent..you are comfortable in your own skin, and proud of who you are! Good luck, and Cheers!
2 people like this
@teeaye98 (287)
• United States
20 Jul 09
My advice for you is that you go into it as if you are meeting a new 'friend' and not as if you are going to date this guy. I am recently separated from my husband and I have 2 children and one on the way, so I understand where you are coming from. It's ok, and way more comfortable, to think if this as just meeting a freind. Don't think of it as "hooking up.' You said, 'He just moved here and doesn't know anyone or anything,' so keep it as just that. Someone new to the city and you are just going to be his friend.
I hope this helped and keep us all posted on what happens wneh you drop the stuff off and meet this guy!
2 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
20 Jul 09
The thing you are forgetting is that when you stop trying so hard to run life, life will step up to the line and be just what you wanted. The trick is to remain open to all that is offered. Just enjoy this meeting and stop thinking so hard about it.
Life will be what it is and you can either go along or fight it. Blessings
@sweetashoney (3597)
• United States
20 Jul 09
I have been by myself for years, thank God that I found out years ago that I didn't have to have a man in my life all the time to be happy. I think everyone needs some time to get to know their own self, no matter how long it takes. I don't know why everyone thinks that a person has to be set up if they don't have someone in their life. I think people have the misconception that a person is miserable and unhappy unless they have someone in their life at all times. Sorry for rattling on, I'm just thinking how it makes me feel when someone sets me up.
As for me, I hate when someone sets me up, to me its a uncomfortable situation. I'd say just talk to him like you would anyone else and when you get ready to leave just say well its been nice meeting you and leave. Another thing you could do if you really, really don't want to meet someone right now is to call up your mothers friend and tell her that your not ready for a relationship right now.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
20 Jul 09
I'm not looking for anyone right now.........
Hey Singlemommy, with the title of "i'm not looking for anyone right now" One could easily read into it that secretly you are hoping to find someone right now. Oh well, just chill out and know that life will take care of itself. If it's meant for you and the young man to be together, things will happen and it won't be a forced issue. Go on and make your delivery but act as cool as a cucumber and you will be safe. happy mylot and thanks for sharing!
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
20 Jul 09
One other thing, he might just be looking for an older woman because most younger guys already know that the younger chicks don't do much for them, so he might be wanting to try out a different kind of salad dressing this time around, rather than always using the same thing all the time, lols...... Happy mylot.
@grace118224 (1038)
• China
20 Jul 09
Just go on with what you feel now. But i still hope that you will have a nice and complete family in the end
2 people like this
