Do you think people who marry for money can find happiness in marriage?

Hi Canellita, for many women from Vietnam who married for money, they did manage to have a stable and peaceful marriage life. Their first duty was to provide an offspring, preferably a son, to carry on the family name for the middle aged husband. Chinese placed great emphasis on the importance of a son, because the son bear the family name. Some are not so fortunate. When their husbands lose the job, they are sent home, without divorce or anything, just one way ticket home.

Hi Canellita, that is a very messy situation, because it involves the embassies on both sides, the human rights organization and whatever other organizations. Anyway that is the risk that those young ladies have to consider. Since they are marrying for money, once money runs out, the marriage ends.

Wow, that is a messed up situation. Without a divorce they cannot remarry and they are liable for debts created by the husband.

Hi Karen, witnessing the marriages of those who marry for love, and those who marry for money is an eye-opener. It seems to go against all conventional wisdom when those who marry for love divorce within three years, and those who marry for money are still staying together after ten years. I think the determination to make marriage works is a key factor for those marrying for money. Those ladies from Vietnam do not have concept of divorce. Once they married, they stay married, and work hard to make the most out of a marriage. I can't imagine myself in their shoes either.

Hello Scheng. I think expectations have a lot to do with who stays married and who does not. If one marries for love and then feels that the love and the marriage do not rise to their expectations, they divorce. Those who marry to better their financial situations may find that those very expectations are well met and end up in a decent marriage. Odd how things work out sometimes.

Hi kalav, when I was working in the shipyard, I had a chance to meet many workers from Bangladesh and India, where arranged marriages are still in practice. I often marvel at the kind of love that they have for their families. For us, we can't imagine getting married with a stranger, just because our parents agree to it. I was surprised to hear the workers said that, "no problem, we could love each other later on." Maybe that is the whole problem with the marriages in Western world, where people marry for love. They assume that their love is strong enough and they forget to learn to love after wedding. Many of those young ladies from Vietnam are enjoying their marriage life. They look happy enough, and their children look happy enough. Their husbands, who spent a few thousands dollars to "buy" the bribes, are happy. We often see the husbands boasting about how obedient their wives are.

I am from a third world country, maybe we will end up together and be happy for life.

Hi Sophie, I guess different people have different expectations of their marriage. Many of those who marry for money come from third world countries, where survival is a daily struggle. Most of us cannot imagine the kind of poverty that they faced. Those are the ones who do not have high expectation of marriage. They just want to have enough to live on, and enough for their family members to live on. Ironically, those are the ones who seem very happy with their marriages. Some of my friends who were deeply in love, and married for love, ended in divorce less than three years later. Some had marital problems right after their honeymoon.

Hi Capsicum, sometimes i wonder how those marriages without love can survive, while many people who marry for love in the first place ends in divorce. Frankly speaking, I can't understand both. So many people are married by parents matchmaking effort, rather than getting to love each other, and decide to tie the knot. Yet the divorce rates in those countries are far lower than my country, where people practice free love.

The material on the first love is totally wrong ,but love is absolute and can not bread ,so do not expect something too,but it can not be too naive to think that life on the line as long as there is love.

Hi Ritchelle, I think the cultural background is a very important factor. Many of my friends who marry for love ended in divorce less than three years later. Divorce is painful, but not shameful for us in Singapore. However, many of the ladies from Vietnam hold different views. They do not have the concept of filing for divorce. Even though they marry for money, they do enjoy a peaceful marriage. Some of them stay in my estate. They look happy enough. Some of the kids are already more than 10 years old. I guess the marriages work out for them.

Hi Tundeemma, I used to believe that, but after much observation, I start to question that marry for love will be happy, and marry for money does not bring happiness. In Singapore context, the younger generation is highly educated, some with a few diplomas and a few degrees, so nobody will seriously think about marrying for money. Many of my colleagues who marry for love, cannot make the marriage last longer than five years. It's surprising that many of them has at least three years courtship, love each other deeply, yet marriage breaks up in the first or second year. On the other hand, I notice that many Vietnam ladies, who marry for money, seem to enjoy their lives here. Some of them are here for more than ten years, since the kids are ten years old. They marry for money, yet they are happier than my colleagues who marry for love. Those guys whom they married are at least thirty years older than them. in local context, those guys are not rich, just blue collar workers, able to fork out a few thousand dollars to buy a wife, so that they have someone to look after them when they are old, and have a chance to produce offspring.

Hi Jules, those young Vietnam ladies who marry for money seems happy enough. Some of the kids are already ten years old. The only thing I dont like is the kind of discussion in the coffeeshop. Those middle aged men like to sit together over a cup of coffee, and brag. They treat buying a wife, as if buying commodity, saying that it's better to get one from Vietnam, not from China. Those from China always ask for money to send home, and like to argue. Those from Vietnam are very meek, do not argue, and very hardworking. Anyway, even if the Vietnam brides do not love their husbands, they just have to do their duties, since their husbands will definitely die way before them. Most of these husbands are at least thirty years older than the young bribe.

Hi Icdelmendo, that's what my observation. Many people who marry for love end up in divorce, and many who marry for money have happy and peaceful marriage. I think the expectation is different from those who marry for money and those who marry for love. Many of those farmer's gals who marry for money never think of divorce. It's not in their culture to marry and divorce, once they are married, they stay married forever. Whether they are happy or not, they just perform their duties to the husbands. Those who marry for love sometimes have unreasonable expectation for the marriage. Without money, all marriages will face difficulties. Some can survive, and many do not.

Hi Mahi, surprisingly they look happier than my colleagues who marry for love. My colleagues, highly educated and making good money, married for love, divorced, and looking for love again. Some of them are on pills to curb depression. Maybe it takes more than love to make a marriage works. Many of them were complaining about their husbands at lunch table. Those ladies from poorer countries who marry for money seem very happy and contented with life in Singapore. Their children seem happy too. Some of them married for ten years or so (based on the age of their children), and the marriage still intact. I meet some of them regularly, since they are staying in the area, and they look very different. Many of my friends can't even stay married for five years! So funny, marry for love, and the marriage breaks up even in the first year!

Hi Tomjoad, you are right that many of them come from really poor families in developing world. Dying from hunger is a reality, and many simple farmer gals want to "sell" themselves to marry for money, so that their parents can live a bit better. They do seem happy enough. Some of their kids already ten years old, and look so happy. Those kids are very beautiful, a kind of exotic beauty due to mixed races marriage. At least those middle aged guys are happy. They are not rich by local standard, and no local gal will marry them. But once they reached Vietnam, they are "rich" according to the standard. Their Vietnam wives are very docile, and do not demand designer goods or anything. Some of them live in my area, and they seem happier than my friends who marry for love, then divorce a couple of years later.

Hi babyfiona, yes, I observe those who marry for money do seem to live happily, more so than some of my friends who marry for love, and ended in divorce. I think those ladies who marry for money do learn to love their partners, if not their partners, at least they love their children. I'm glad for them, and for the guys who marry them. At least both get what they want, and live as happy as possible.

Hi Cabz, I think many things do not work according to our assumptions. I used to think that those who marry for love must be happier than those who marry for money, but what I have seen make me question the assumption. My colleagues, highly educated, intelligent, and very pretty, married for love, and some of them could not even make their marriage lasted for five years. Some of the marriage didnt even survive the first year, even though their courtship lasted for three years. Those Vietnam ladies who married for money, seem to enjoy happy family life. Their children are beautiful. Some of these kids are ten years old, so the marriage must have lasted for more than ten years. Those Vietnam ladies still look different, in that they do not know how to makeup, and they dress simply, no designer goods or expensive shoes. It's so funny. Some of my colleagues are on pills for depression after their divorce, and claim medical expenses from company. They are not happy in any sense. Those poor farmer gal from Vietnam look happier than them.

Hi Grace, I think they are happy enough. At least those that I meet are happy enough. They are always smiling and greeting people, and their children are so beautiful, a kind of exotic beauty that is possible only from mixed parentage. Those kids know how to speak many languages. It's funny sometimes to see that those marry for money are happy, and those marry for love are not happy.

Hi Dodo, the point is that those who marry for money, will they learn to love the persons they married? I think some of them did. In Singapore, even in my apartment block, I know of some families like that. The husband in his 50s went to Vietnam to buy a 21 years old bribe. No courting or whatever, just chose a lady, paid the money, registered the marriage, brought some gifts to the family of the bribe, then brought the bribe home. They seemed happy enough. Those young bribes are usually simple farmer gals who may not love their husbands, but they do not argue with their husbands, and do not go out shopping or spend money. They respect their husbands, and love their children. I can't imagine that kind of marriage, hard to accept that marry for money can be happier than those who marry for love, then end up in divorce.

Hi Metschica, I use to think the same thoughts. But after observing those who marry for love and those who marry for money, I am not so sure. Some of my colleagues, married colleagues, they marry for love, but they constantly quarrel with their husbands, so they find new love through the Internet, and this cause more unhappiness in their marriages. But those guys in their 50s, who buy foreign wives half their age, seems to enjoy happy family life. Their wives never argue with them, just do their "duties" as a wife, and take care of children. They are always happy, and always greet us in the elevator. The ending is quite pleasant. Those kids can speak a few languages, and are very beautiful, the kind of exotic beauty due to mixed parentage. If I can understand this, I think I will be a billionaire, offering consultations and writing books.

Hi Smooch, what you say is very logical. The puzzling thing is that my friends who marry for love ended up in divorce, and before divorce, constant quarreling with their husbands. And they were so snappy in the office when their marriages didnt work out. Whereas those few families, the husbands in their 50s, and very young wives (about 20 to 25 years old), and their kids seem to enjoy peaceful marriages. Some of them stay in my apartment block. I really dont understand all these!

Hi Mermaidivy, I am very puzzled too. I think those girls must have loved their families more, or maybe it's the stress from parents to make them marry for money. I am even more surprised to see that these kind of marriages can last for long time, whereas those who married for love ends up in divorce. What is the world coming to? I really dont understand.

Hi Bollywood, I think you are right. Some young foreign wives whom the middle aged guys "bought" do learn to love their husbands. I would say it's more of respect than love. And those young foreign wives are always very submissive and have very few needs. I meet a few of them in my areas. They look very different from us, and their children are very beautiful, a kind of exotic beauty due to mixed marriage. Those ladies are always friendly, and greet us when we meet in the elevator.

Hi Smartone, from what I observe in reality, marry for love doesn't necessarily mean happiness. I have some colleagues who married for love, but filed for divorce a few years later. Some of them are on pills to curb depression, and claim medical expenses from the company. In Singapore where I live, there are many middle aged men, mainly blue collar workers, who "bought" their wives from Vietnam, and they are very contented with a docile wife, and happy, beautiful children. Those foreign wives seem happier than my colleagues. Even when we meet in the lift, they smile and greet us. Apparently they are happy with life in Singapore, even if they might not love their husbands. I think when people are really poor, when risk of dying from hunger is very real, money is everything. Life is so strange! If I can understand why those who marry for love are not happy, and those who marry for money can look so happy, I will be a billionaire, teaching people how to make marriage works.